Life — January 3, 1895 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LI + AcATTLE dealer arrived in Paris the other day, with the intention of having his portrait painted in oils He applied to an artist near the Madeline, and in concluding the bargain dwelt strongly on his wish that the likeness should be striking and unmistakable. The painter promised that it should be so. “Indeed,” he added, own bulldo; We will show him the picture ani *T will appeal to the most disinterested judge possible—to your see whether he recognizes you.’ Accordingly when the picture was finished it was brought into the dealer's lodging, placed on the floor, and the dog was called in. bee and showing every sign of deligh gan to lick it, wagging his tal grateful dealer, convinced of the accuracy of the likene: He instantly ran up to the portrait and ted affection, The instantly paid down the sum demanded by the artist, quite unconscious of the fact that the “counterfeit presentment " of his manly features had been well rubbed with a bit of bacon.. xchange. Tu other evening as a muscular person was passing a house, a lady who stood at the gate called out to him ** What's the matter 2” “ There's a ** He wouldn't, eh! is coat to hold and sailed into the house. took him by the neck and remarked : J this or I'll break every bone in your body !” | The man fought, and “Sir, L appeal to you for protection ! he asked as he stopped short. man in the house and he won't go out of doors when I ordered him to.” We'll see about that.” Thereupon the man gave the woman He found a man at the supper table and “+ Nice style of brute you are, eh ?- Come out o° was not untila chair had been broken and the table upset | that he was hauled out of doors by the legs, and given a fling through the gates. “Now then, you brass faced old tramp, you move on, or I'll finish you!” “Tramp! “Tramp rty and live i You do?” Yes, and Thunder this house !”" realized that it was the wife’s method of fini And then he made a grab for his coat and disappeared into the darkness. — Ex. husband. shouted the victim as he got’ up. “I'm no tramp! Lown t's my wife holding your coat.” whispered the muscular man, as he gazed from one to the other and hing a row she had been having with ber FE A CERTAIN clubman, who attempted to play a practical joke, was nonplused in a very unexpected way. He says, ‘1 am very particular about fastening the doors and windows of my house. I do not intend to leave them open at nights as an invitation to burglars to enter. You see, I was robbed once in that way last year, and I never mean to be again ; so when I go to bed I like to be sure that every door and window is securely fastened. “Last winter my wife engaged a big. strong country girl, and the new-comer was very careless about the doors at night. On two-or three occasions 1 came down-stairs to find a window up or the back door unlocked. I cautioned her, but it did no 1 therefore determined to frighten her. I got some false whiskers, and one night about eleven o'clock I crept down’ the back stairs to the kitchen, where she was. She had turned down the gas, and was in her chair by the fire fast asleep, as I could tell by her breathing, but the moment I struck a match she woke. “+L expected a great yelling and screaming, but nothing of the sort took place. She bounced out of her seat with a* You villain !" on her lips, seized a chair by the back, and before I had made a move she hit me over the head, forcing me to my knees. I tried to get up, tried to explain who I was, but in vain. Before I could get out of the room she struck me again, and it was only after I had tumbled up the back stairs that she gave the alarm, Then she came up to my room, rapped at the door, and coolly announced— “Mr. —, please get up.” I've killed a burglar.’ "—Exchange, CaPratn BLIss was, like all seamen, a strict disciplinarian, and his crew respected him beyond measure. Not one of them would have dreamed of ‘interpreting a command otherwise than according to the strict letter of the law ; things must be done “ shipshape” under his rule. ‘One day, while the ship was in a certain small port, the captain gave a dinner to some town acquaintances, and as the resources of the ship were not great, some of the sailors were deputed to wait on the table, to reinforce the insufficient numoer of stewards, As these men were not used to such work, each one was told exactly what service would fall to its share. The hour came, and the dinner went merrily on. ladies wanted a piece of bread. There was none very near her, and the finely disciplined stewards seemed to be quite oblivious to her need. She turned her head and spoke very softly to the man at her elbow. *: Bread, please,” she said. He looked regretfully at the bread, and then at her. It was evident that he would fain have helped her if it had been in his power. He saluted in fine naval style. “Can't do it, ma'am," said he. ** I'm told off for ‘taters !"— Youth's Companion. Presently, however, one of the Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera, Sate Nere aan tor Reo abd Beiter [Rich Jewelry. A large showing of jewelry pieces—exquisite conceit and finish. —at retail. Spautpine & Co., (incorroraTeD.) | State and Jackson Sts., Chicago. 36 Ave. de l'Opera, Paris. Our ‘ Suggestion Book" mailed free. | /HYGEIA HOTEL, | OLD POINT COMFORT, VA. } —— | Unrivalled as a health and_ pleasure resort. Air balmy and full of life giving ozone. New plumbing throughout and | perfect drainage and other sanitary arrange- ments. Send for descriptive pamphlet. | Pamphlet and information in New York Jat The Outlook, 13 Astor Place. N. PIKE, MANAGER. LEWIS 6. TEWKSBURY ~ Téftason & Hamlin GRAND AND UPRIGHT PIANOS containing their improved method of stringing, do mot require one-quarter as much tuning as any other pianos made. THE CELEBRATED Liszt CHURCH ORGAN for Parlors and Churches, 1s the most perfect in- strumentof itsclass, Illustrated Catalogue free. Organs and Pianos sold for Cash or on Easy Payments. MASON & HAMLIN ORGAN AND PIANO COMPANY, Boston. New York. Chicago. Kansas City. HAMILTON HOTEL, HAMILTON, BERMUDA, OPEN FROM DECEMBER UNTIL MAY. A. PARK BOYCE & Co., Mars. Cable Address : HOTEL, BERMUDA. \\0, Jaggs.” protested Mrs. Lushforth, I did so’ hope you would come home sober to- night “Glad I didn't,” thickly responded Mr. Lushforth. ‘It is worth the effort of gettin’ tanked any time to be able to see 'zgoodlook- ing woman ‘zyou are double."—Exchange. HOLIDAY PRESENTS. Why not try a year's subscription to Lire? It comes every week, and would brighten up the whole family. young and old. 9 Shaving Stick Williams TAKE NO OTHER— Until you've tried WiLLAMs' —after that you'll be sure to TAKE NO OTHER. SOLD AT ALL DRUG STORES. LIFE BINDER. Cheap, Strong and Durable, Will hold 26 numbers. Mailed to any part of the United States for $1.00, Ieslag ge free. Address Office of “ LIFE, 19 West Thirty-First Street, N.Y. NOTICE. UBSCRIBERS TO “LIFE will please give old address as well as new when re- questing change of same, Banker, 50 Broadway, New York, Buys and sells Bills of Exchange on all parts of the world,