Life — December 27, 1894 — page 52: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: THE door opened, and there came into the Clark Street office of the famous night watchman and detective a tall man with a wrinkled face and a pair of keen ay eyes, fray CYou are from North Clark Street,” said the detective. ‘The man started convulsively. ** How did you know it ?" he asked. “+ By the two shiny spots on your coat-sleeves. Those spots mark where your arms rested on the window-sill while you are leaning out to watch the cable ‘cars goby. Every one on North Clark Street does that. "You live on the west side of the street.” Wonderful,” gasped the visitor. “You ask me why I know, Because your right arm is longer than the other. In catching the cable cars you grab the rail with your right hand, and the jerking which you receive day by day has lengthened your arm so that to a trained eye the difference is apparent. If you lived on the east side of the street you would use the left hand for catching the rail. You area widower and your wife was red-headed.”” “True enough,” said the visitor, staring in amazement. ‘ How do I know these things? Because J see that watchchain on your vest. It is woven of red hair, If your wife were alive you wouldn't think enough of her to wear a chain made out of her hair, and if you had remarried you wouldn’t dare to be wearing it. You have just come from Lincola Park. I can smell peanuts on you, At one time you were a police officer. I saw you look both ways before you came in that door. Force of habit, you know. You have been shooting craps. Your right hand is soiled from the littie finger back to the wrist. ‘That is caused by raking up the dice froma dusty table. You need a shave and ate soft-boiled eggs for breakfast. Now, what can I do for you?" And the great detective and night watchman sat back in a listening attitude. uitg dst Nanted to ask you if the Pansy Chromo Company has an office in this uilding.” Thus what might have been a great detective story came to a short stop.— Chicago Record. ACERTAIN Detroit employer hates a man who whistles at his work and always asks upon that point. The other day an applicant called upon him. So you want a job ?” he inquired. Yes, sir,” was the polite reply. “Weil, the first thing I want to know is, do you whistle at your work ?” before.” of work have you been doing ?”” Glass blowing, sir.” The employer took his case under advisement.—Detrott Free Press. Léulsch bE) Fifth Avenue, Gor22 St. .. NEW YORK. .*. Before removing to Our new Six-Story Iron Building, 39 and 41 West 23d St., GRAND Removal Sale Rich Furs, Coats, Capes and Gowns, Hats and Bonnets. OUR TRADE-MARK in every garment is a lasting guarantee for Quality, Style, Fit and Finish. Everything being equal, our prices defy competition. ——t “‘ It’s curious what an amount of sporting blood there is corked up in the sleeping car porters on the Southern railroads,” said Will McConnell. ‘* Coming up from Atlanta the other night we had two coaches on the train. Toward even- ing we saw the two porters in solemn conclave. We all knew there was some- thing wrong, but it wasn’t until later in the evening that I found out the cause of our apprehension, About 7 o'clock one of the passengers said to me : “* I'd advise you to turn in. This is going to be a short night.’ How's that ?’ I sais. ‘ We're not due in Jersey City until 7 o'clock.’ ‘Oh, time's got nothing to do with it. The porters have got a bet on.’ “The man went to bed immediately and I followed suit, Just after the clock struck 12 I was yanked out of my birth and told to get ready for Jersey City. All the other passengers were up and dressed, including the two men in the smoking- room, who were still playing poker. “A few minutes later I'met my friend, was a brief night.’ “+ Yes, it was,’ he answered. ‘ But no matter, our porter won.’ * “By this time my curiosity was aroused as well as myself. «++ What was the bet ?' I asked. ‘Same old bet,’ he replied. ‘ Five dollarsto the man who gets his pas- sengers up first.’"—New York Sun. ‘You were dead right,’ I said. ‘It A LITTLE man with a bald head and an inoffensive blue eye drifted into a Main street saloon and threw a half dollar on the bar. “Gimme a schooner of beer,” he said. The schooner was given him, Just as he was about to drink ita big man came in and said: ‘+ Hello, Shorty, who's buying ?”” “Lam,” replied Shorty, with dignity. “You,” scoffed the big man, “why, you never had a cent in your life. wife gets your wages.” “That's all right,” ‘+ How'd you get it “Well,” replied Shorty, ‘I don't know as I bad teeth an’ she gimme enough to get ‘em pulled.” * Didn't you get ‘em pulled 2” “Sure; but I'worked her for 50 cents for gas, an’ this ts the fifty. Buffalo Express. Your id Shorty, ** mebbe she does, but I've got money to-day.” id tellin’. I had a couple of See 2"— AN English paper tells a story of a well known bishop who suffers from impaired vision. He recently held’ a levy. At length a guest approached, and How do you do, my lord? My mother wishes to be kindly remembered ** Ah," said the bishop, ‘that is very good of her. And how is the dear old soul? Nothing like a good old mother! Be sure to take care of your old mother. Good morning.” ‘The bishop did not in the least know who his visitor was, and said to his foot man: ‘Who was that ?” The servant replied : “The last person who left your lordship’s reception is the Duke of Connaught. '— Exchange. A most novel and happy thought in Jewelry has been embodied in the new BIRTH MONTH brooches, scarf pins, and sleeve-links that have just been introduced, to which we ask the attention of all who are interested tn artistic gold jew- elry, even tf not desiving to pur- chase. Theodore B. Starr Jadison Square, West. comicbooks.com