Life — December 6, 1894 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-*LIFE- “QDhile there is Life there's Hops.” VOL, XXIV. DECEMBER 6, 1894. No. 623. 1g West Tiurty-First STREET, NEw York. Published every Thursday. $s.oo.a year in advance. Postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year, extra. Single copies, 10 cents. Rejected contributions will be destroyed unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope, INCERE sympathy is felt for our Uncle Samuel in his efforts to keep his reserve pocket full of gold. The trouble seems to be that communication between his various pockets is too easy, and that what he puts into his reserve pocket constantly finds its way around to the greenback pocket out of which he pays his family bills. One of two courses is open to our Uncle. He must either have his next trowsers so constructed as to keep his gold and his greenbacks separate, or he must hit upon some new method of making paper money that is just as good as gold. His present financial state, though not alarming, is disconcerting and bother- some. * * * HE recent experience of divers persons at Mid- dletown, Connecticut, seems to indicate that the oyster is safer for being boiled. After all, there is something to be said for the traditional church-sociable oyster soup. Even if the partaker thereof had the luck to catchand eat one of the oysters it never gave him typhoid fever. . * . * HE reports of the atrocities in Ar- menia make one wish that Dr. Parkhurst might find leisure and occasion to preach a crusade against the Turk. Dr. Parkhurst is one of the most effectual crusade preachers since Peter the Hermit, and the despotism of the Turks over their subject Christian peoples has been justly classed these many, many years among the things about which something ought to be done. After the worst has been said about the British and their propensity for gobbling up the ends of the earth and deriving revenue therefrom, it must be admitted that they are far ahead of most of the other gormandizers of territory in their treatment of their tributaries. If England should sorrowfuliy but firmly con- clude to annex Armenia to Egypt it would be a good day for Armenia, and the Turk would get no sympathy. But what would the young Czar say ? HE main objection to Admiral Meade's plan of sending a cruiser ¢ one of the fast Adantic is that it would cost much money and do little good. But it would be a very interesting show a both forthe folks on the cruiser and those on the liner, and if it were ‘4 advertised, enough tickets could easily be sold for passage on the two vessels to pay all expenses. An ocean race between two great ships would be better fun than a horse-race or even a football match and there are plenty of patriots who would pay to see it. * . . I view of the momentous encroachments of golf upon popular attention in England and America there is more and more basis for the suspicion that Mr. Balfour introduced it as a substitute for Home Rule. Since golf was landed in the United States, interest in the Irish question has been at alow ebb. What need indeed of Home Rule for Ireland when, as it is, every Irishman is free to go out with a bagful of shillalies and have as much fun as he will. VERYBODY knows that ™ Baltimore girls are pretty, but everybody does not know perhaps that balls in that town begin at seven and close promptly at twelve. Sleep is very good for girls, especially when they are young. It is also good for workingmen, and very highly prized by them. There have been earnest attempts to start New York balls earlier, and end them betimes, but New York has still much to learn in that respect from Baltimore. . . . T is a relief to learn that the tails of the President's horses were not docked, as was at first wickedly re- ported, but merely banged, and not banged as a matter of taste or preferénce, but because they had picked up so many burs in the pasture lot that they could not be cleaned. It is even hinted that the banging was done without the President's knowledge, and it will be no surprise to LiFe if it turns out to have been a surreptitious act of Secretary Carlisle, done in retaliation for the rumored interference of the President with the management of his department. comicbooks.com