Life — December 6, 1894 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: We once knew an old man who believed that ‘* what was to be would be.” He lived in Missouri, and was one day going out several milesthrough a region infested by very savage indians, He always took his gun with him, but this time found that one of the family had it out. As he would not go out without it, some of his friends tantalized him by saying there was no danger of the Indians ; that he would not die until his time came, anyhow, “+ Yes,” said the old fellow; ** but suppose 1 was to meet an Indian, and his time had come; tt wouldn't do, no how, not to have my gun."—/Mlustrated Good Things. Tie doctor had told Farmer Chawhay that his hours were numbered. Then the good old man beckoned the physician to his side. ** Doc," said he, “there is somethin’ I orto tell you ‘fore | go.” “All right,” answered the doctor. t is only this, doc; I been a sort of hippercrite fer these last twenty years. All the women folks has give me credit fer bein’ so true to Sarah Ann's memory that I never marnt again, an’ I've allowed ‘em to think that was the reason. Truth is, them there fifteen years I lived with Sarah Ann gimme all the experience in marrit life that I wanted, an’ that's the reason I stayed a widower."—Cincinnati Engutrer. A CERTAIN Hebrew was in the habit of journeying to New York monthly to purchase goods, and usually his little boy Jakey accompanied bim. On this occa- sion he had selected large bill, and before clinching the bargain, surprised the s the custom where I buy my goods to give my little boy .”" says the clerk, ‘we will give hima pair of sus- hn, ‘I was in the suspender business myself and I know all about the profit All right, Mr. Cohn, but I cannot exceed my authority in the matter and so will consult the proprietor.” To the proprietor the clerk goes: ‘Mr, Cohn is outside, has bought a large bill and wants a present for his little boy Jakey,” he says,‘ And how large a bill is he buying,” asks the pro- prietor. *One thousand dollars,” replies the clerk.‘ And how does he propose to pay for it?” ‘Five hundred’ dollars cash and his note at six months for the balance.” ‘Well, then tell Mr. Cohn we will give him his note for a. present.” This the clerk does, when he is greatly surprised to hear from Mr. Cohn, * but will he endorse it?” ‘+ Certainly not,” answers the clerk, ‘Well, then I take the suspenders."—Exchange. “No, no,’ A POOR woman who was talking to the district visitor about her various ail- ments, and how the doctor had prescribed for her * stuggish liver.” _* What beats me,” she remarked, ‘is how them slugs get inside the liver."—7o-Day. ‘A SOUTHERN judge, who wasin a New York cafe the other evening, ordered for his drink whiskey. The waiter brought it ina glass. The judge looked around, probably for a decanter, and then, pointing to the glass with whiskey in it, asked: “What's that 2” “Whiskey, sir,” answered the waiter.‘ Wasn't that what you ordered ?” The judge pushed the glass away impatiently. “My son,” he said gravely, “when I take a drink of whiskey I leave more than that in the glass."—Vew York Tribnne. Lapy GWENDOLINE : They tell me, professor, that you have mastered all the modern tongues PROFESSOR : All but two—my wife’s and her mother’s. Exchange. HO! FOR BERMUDA! WHILE we in the frozen north are sbivering and shaking in Jack Frost's embrace, ard to believe that within fifty hours of New York we can be transported into a land of sunshine, fruit and flowers. he Island of Bermuda has been for years the winter resort of thousands of travellers, and the Hamilton Hotel their home. This popular hotel will be opened a3 usual on December rst, under the management of Messrs. A. Park Boyce & Co., of the Massapoag Hotel, Sharon, Mass. Its high character will be fully maintained, and the management are already assured of a most prosperous season. We give below a few ‘ gems” culled from the works of Ponson du Terrail : “Her hand was cold like that of a gerpent.” The Countess was about to reply when a door opened and closed her mouth.” "Hal Hal’ he exclaimed in Portuguese.” “The Colonel paced backwards and forwards, with his hands behind his back, reading the newspaper.” “* At this sight the negro’s face grew dreadfully pale.” the man was dressed in a velvet jacket, and in pants of the same color.”— Le Figaro. “Dip you hear about Sportleigh ?”* “No; what is it?” “ He went to a lecture to-day."—Harvard Lampoon. Minav’s Cattsava,a reliable tonic appetizer and anti-malarial, The original intro- duced at the instance of the eminent Dr. Hosack by Jonn Mutnau in’ 1830. 183 Broadway, N. Y. BRAHMS dined one day with one of his fanatic admirers, and the latter, know- ing the master’s predilection for fine wine, had a bottle of renowned quality brought to the table toward the end of the repast. “This,” he exclaimed, «is the Brahms among my wines !” The guest sipped of it, saying: ‘Excellent ! Excellent! Now bring on your Beethoven !"—Argonaut. AYMOND’S VACATION EXCURSIONS, ALL TRAVELING EXPENSES INCLUDED, A Winter in California : Special Trains of Magnificent Pullman Veesti- baled Sleeping and Dining Cars ACROSS THE CONTINENT at Frequent Intervals for Los Angeles, 8an Diego, San Francisco, e| The tieketacover every expense of travel both ways, and the bolderveatire freedom of movement 0p the Pcie Cour, and on the return journey if destied. Tours to Mexico by Special Vestibuled Trains. Independent Kallroad and Steamship Tickets to All Polats. Send for descriptive book, mentioning whetber Information HERElow Iodependeat ‘ticketa,-Califoraia oF Mexico our te Raymond & Whitcomb, 31 East Fourteenth St.. Lincoln Building, If you wear Pearl Corset Shields, Broken Corsets made ‘as comfortable as new. Sold everywhere. Ask your dealer, if he hasn't them send his “your corset measure and i Evcene Peart, 23 Union CHICAGO & ALTON RAILROAD NOW the BEST LINE to CALIFORNIA, ARKANSAS AND TEXAS. Try the “Prue Southern Route to Califors nia.” Pullman First-Class Sleeping Cars, Pullman Tourist Sleeping Car Service, low rates and quick time, through from Chicago every day, to the land of oranges, roses and sunshine, that semi-tropical king- dom by the sea, Southern California, Meals served on the train or in depot dining rooms. Daily First- Class Pullman Sleeping Cars, and through Pullman Tourist Sleeping Car Service from Chicago to the principal cities in Arkansas and Texas. For illus- trated folders, maps, pamphlets and full particulars, call upon your home ticket agent, or write to James Charlton, General Passenger and Ticket Agent, Chi- cago & Alton Railroad, Chicago, Ill. BARRY'S TRICOPHEROUS Finest Dressing and Best Tonic FOR THE HAIR, : It stimulates and pro- / duces a vigorous growth: cicanses tho scalp and prevents dandruff, and gives that appearance of softness, abundance and beauty so much desired. AN drucgists or bi ents, db stone St. Hamilton Hotel HAMILTON, BERMUDA. OPEN FROM DECEMBER UNTIL MAY. A. PARK BOYCE & CO., Mgrs. Mr. Boyce can be seen at 15 Warren Street, New York, until December 27, Xe eS Fitth Avenue, Prien Before removing to. Our new Six-Story Iron Building 39 and 41 West 23d St., CRAND Removal Sale oF Rich Furs, Coats, Capes and Gowns, Hats and Bonnets. OUR TRADE-MARK in every garment is a lasting guarantee for Quality, Style, Fit and Finish. Everything being equal, our prices defy competition. PRODUCT OF 1894! -Korenas are the finest cameras ever made, legant for Christmas presents. No. A KORONA for BICYCLISTS. Nothing filmy about Koronas, still reller holder: cam beattached. —_TALBURN KORONA CO., All Photo Dealers, Rochester, N. Y.. Catalogues on application. Manufacturers. ve comicbooks.com