Life — December 6, 1894 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

T | - LI In a late story Mark Twain tells of a young colored girl who “experienced religion” ina revival. The next day, in dusting her master’s desk, she happened upon a $2 bill which had been left there by accident.” ‘ Lord-a massy,” she said as she covered it with a book so as not to be further tempted, ‘how I wish't that revival ud been put off till to-morrow."—Exchange. Jupcr: Please describe the man you saw talking to the prisoner. Witxess: 1 don’t know how ter do it, yer honor. “Can't describe him ? Did he look like any of these lawyers ? Did he look like me.” “No, yer honor. He looked like an intelligent gentleman.” —Exchange. Ix the Nevada exhibit in the Agricultural Building at the World's Fair was a box of mottled castile soap. It isa natural product of the soil of the Elko County, Nevada, and has all the qualities, save that of odor, of the mottled castile which is manufactured and in such general use. The exhibit was taken from a natural mine. The mine is on the line of the Central Pacific Railroad, and it is claimed that it is the only mine of the kind known. This soap is one of the things about which Nevada people like to talk. One of them said, ‘We have enough natural soap to wash all the soiled linen of our own state. We. can wash out any state or national blotch which may be placed on our escutcheon. We could run the national laundry if it became necessary. A man in Nevada has no occasion to go dirty. As soon as the mine is a little more {ally developed, we shall lay claim to be the cleanest state in the Union. The soap lathers with ease, and the children in its vicinity play with soap bubbles instead of dolls, The soap in this wonderful mine is em- bedded there as compactly as blue clay. “You know,” this enthusiastic citizen went on to say, ‘that in Florida they have a tree the bark of which, when it is dried, makes good towels. In fact, it is called the towel tree. T expect, as soon as the soap mine is more fully developed, a company will be formed which will transplant the Florida towel trees to Nevada, and then we will invite the nations ‘of the earth to move out to Nevada and get washed. And then,” he added, in a dry way, “maybe we shall change the motto of the state.” “To what ?” we asked. “** While there's life there's soap,” or something of that kind." —Exchange, FE: oo) “Ske here,” exclaimed the red-headed woman in wrath, ‘if you ain't out of yard in ten minutes I declare I'll run this umbrella down your’ throat and open it.” ‘There ain't a bit o' use of that, mum,” responded Dismal Dawson ; ‘* anybod that's as dry inside as I am ain’t needin" no umbreller in him.” —Chicago Tribune. “\L HAVE called,” said the captious critic, ‘to find out what reason you can give representing the new year as a nude small boy.” ae “That is done,” responded the art editor, '* because the year does not get its da till the 31st of December." —/ndianapolis Journal. THe widow of an army officer went to the pension office for the purpose of drawigg| her pension. She presented the usual certificate to the effect that she was still alive. (“This certificate is not right,” said the official. ** What is the matter with it? “Because it bears the date of December 21st, but your pension was due December ** What kind of a certificate do you want ?” “We must have a certificate that you were alive on the 1sth day of December. Of what use is this one that says you were alive on the 21st day of December—six day} Mater 2"—Exchange. “ My friend,” said the man with fringe at the bottom of his trousers, ‘* I'd like to pa you onto a good’ thing in a financial way.” ; “You would? Well, Idon't know that I'd feel justified in declaring myself ina aBY of your profits. Besides, I'm in.a hurry. “That's all right. So'm' I. But this js in the interest of science. You jes' capital at any bar-room that you choose, an’ I'll go inter trainin’ an" “* But I don’t care to get you intoxicated.” | “That's the sacrifice thet I'm willin’ ter make in the interest of science. ‘even drinks'll make me see more sights than the Eden Musee ever drempt of. Glyptodoa id an’ megliosauruses ain't in it. I'm purty handy with a pencil, an’ I'l dror picters of ‘et as they come, an’ if we don’t sell ‘em ter the Smithsonian fur a hundred dollass apiec it'll be because we're both of us suddintly struck foolish."—Exchange. , } b b i t In a certain town in the north of Yorkshire a traveling American found omnibus which carried first, second and third class passengers. As the seats all alike the traveler was mystified, but not for very long. Midway of the route th omnibus stopped at the foot of a long, steep hill, and the guard shouted : “ First-las} passengers, keep your seats, Second-ciass passengers, please peg out and walk, This] class passengers, get out and push,"—Exchange. For, ealo by (ail Nowsdenlers ta Great Britain. | The Tater. Nore , Brea Buliding, Chancery Lane, Efoton, °C. tngiand Acar. aid EUROPEAN AGEXTs—Mesera. Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera, Parts; Saarbach's News Exchange, 1 ‘Ciarastrame, Mayence, Germany, Agenta for Germany, Austria and Switzerland, Choice Diamonds ‘Rubies, Pearls and other precious stones —at retail. CELEBRATED HATS, —axp— Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets And The Dunlap Silk Umbrella. 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. 22d & 23d Sts. and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. ‘914 Chestnut St §8-Agencies in all Principal Citi Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 1889, Spautpinc & Co., (ixconronaten,) ‘State and Jackson Sts., Chicago 36 Ave. de l'Opera, Paris, Phila Our “ Suggestion Book” mailed free. CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. Why not try a year’s subscription to Lire? It comes every week, and would brighten up the whole family. young and old. “The name of the WHITING PAPER COMPANY on a box of stationery is a guarantee of excellence.” First Impressions are in most the best, and often the most lasting. Produce a good impression on your correspondents by using good paper, not only good, but the best, . such as tandard Linen,” and “No. 1 Quality The name is watermarked in each sheet. Ask your Stationer for them. WHITING PAPER COMPANY, Mills: New York, Philadelphia and Chicago, Holyoke, Mass, WThere is as much difference between WILLIAMS’ and any other kind— Jas between a coarse—common laundry soap and the choicest toilet article. SHAVING STICK you buy a Shaving Stick — INSIST that your, Druggist give, yu ¢ . The only one in beautiful leatherette case—the only stick in the} world—making a lather that will not dry on the face while sbaving. The J. B. WILLIAMS CO., London Office: 64 Gt. Russell St. PARISIAN PERFUMES. ED. PINAUD’S LATEST EXQUISITE ODORS. AURORA TULIP, PAQUITA LILY, ACACIA BE FRANCE, GREEN PI! Banker, 50 Broadway, New York, LEWIS G. TEWKSBURY Buys and sells Bills of Exchange on all parts of the w comicbooks.com