Life — November 22, 1894 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LI Dr. Dow1ixo, of New York, was speaking of the incompatibility of a union of Church State in this country. He said : Patrick and Biddy had been a long time married, but did not get along well together, for they were almost continually quarreling. It happened, however, that one day when they were sitting together opposite the fire, in came the cat and dog, and laid down be- tween them and the fire, and also opposite each other. Presently Biddy speaks up and says: ‘ Faith, Patrick, isn't it a shame we should be 1 ; see the cat and the dog, how peaceably they get along.” sure and it isn't a fair comparison at all; just sve them together and see how they'll Middletown Record. * Mastata,” said a small girl, why can't we have a grand piano?” ** Because we can't afford it, dear,” her mother answered. ‘You must wish for a hen that can lay golden eggs.” * But, mamma,” protested this literal young lady, ‘¢ while you are about it, why not jwish for a'hen that can lay a grand piano," M ky : Am dem de black stockin’s you tole me ‘bout buyin’ ? Miss SAFFRON : Yes, dem is de ones, Cicely, an’ dey only cos’ seventy-fi' cents. Miss Dusky : Am dey silk ? Miss SarFRON: Not 'zactly, but dey're jes’ as good. Miss Dusky: An’ will dey wash ? Miss SAFFRON: Dat I don’ know ; I'se only had ‘em fo" weeks !—The Epoch. PAPA!" cried little Willie, as the clock indicated three in the morning. No answer. “Papa!” cried Willie again and again and again. Finally papa got up and walked into the nursery, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. * Well, what on earth do you want at this hour of the night ?” he said. + Well, papa,” said Willie, sitting up in bed, ** if Grover Cleveland’s first name was Jimmy, what would his last name be }"—Harper's Bazar. ingly make amends for an error in the Sinking cor- respondence of week before last, where Coon Moore is mentioned as becoming “intoxi- cated” while digging in a well, and in climbing out fell and hurt himself. Instead, it should have read‘ asphyxiated." We very cheerfully make this correction, as we know Coon is not accustomed to becoming ‘hall seas over.” Correspondents, please do not use ‘big words” unless you understand their meaning.—Country Exchange. A CorRRECTION.—We most wi Weeks: Well, how are things over in Boston? Have they named any new pie Aristotle " yet WENTMAN: No-o, But I heard a man there ask for a Plato soup.—Exchange. He was a countryman, and he walked along a busy thoroughfare and read a sign over the door of a manufacturing establishment : ‘+ Cast-Iron Sinks.” It made him mad. He said that any fool ought to know that.—Christian Work. FE: * My good woman,” said the learned judge, ‘* you must give an answer in the feneg possible words of which you are capable, to the plain and simple question whether when you were crossing the street with the baby on your arm, and the omnibus was comi down on the right side and the cab on the left and the brougham was trying to pass the omnibus, you saw the plaintiff between the brougham and the cab, or whether, ar you saw him at all and whether or not near the brougham, cab and omnibus, or either, or any two, and waich of them respectively or how it was."—Philadelphia Times. A Missouri physician received the following letter from a friend who is engaged ia the practice of medicines in Arkansas : ** Dear Dock : I hav a pashunt whose phisical sines shose that the wind, har ulcerated off and his lung hav dropped into his stumick. He is unable to swaller, and | fear his stumick is gon. I hav give him everything without effeckt, his father is wealthy, onorable and influenshal. He is an active member of the M. jurch, and God now don’t want to lose him; What shall I due? Anser by return male, yours in nede. Miner and Mechanic. A Goon story is told of a number of boys who were playing on Saturday in front Episcopal Church, ‘The rector suddenly came out of his parsonage and told the boys to be quiet in front of the Lord's house. 4 That is all right, mister,” said the boys. ‘The Lord is not here to-day. Hes down the street at the Jewish synagogue." —Jewish Messenger. How absurd! I don’t think it absurd at all. Mrs Both my daughters speak French, and they can’t understand each other.— Exchange. Tow : Did Maud tell you the truth when you asked her her age ? Yes, What did she say ? Jack ; She said it was none of my busines: Yankee Blade. Tue other day a traveling man of Ashland received a letter from a friend in Lexing. ton, enclosing twenty-five cents and requesting him to send, if possible, a copy of * Hel up to Date.” The poor drummer did the best he could, and mailed a copy of the Ashland Daily News. Park GvaRD: Sorry to disturb yez, but it's too late to be sittin’ here. YOunNG Man (afologetically): We didn't know it was so late. Fact is, we are tobe married next yeai Park GUARD: Begorry, d'yez think O'im fool enough to be supposin’ you tor married lasht year ?—New York Weekly, s\ Tea will be dearer now on account of the China-Japan trouble,” said the fru speaker. “Well, it won't make any difference to us,"" said the second one, soothingly, be cause we use English breakfast tea.""—Boston Transcript. SHE had sent off a telegram, and was waiting for an answer. Suddenly the pecslisr halting click of the receiving machine sounded in the office, and she said to her comps: jon: ** That's from George, I know ; I can tell his stutter."—Philadelphia Times, HILTON, HUGHES & CO., Successors to A. T. STEWART & CO. Linens. bales Twilled Linen Towelling, cts. 5 Womh fo ct "et 04) China and Glass Dept.| Heavy deep cut glass Tante Tum-( 4 25 BLERS, were 6,00 doz... 14. doz. Heavy deep cut glass Saut and | 60 ct. unbleached linen Table Dam-| « gqcts. Perree Snaxers, were el 97" | ASK. e000 es nil ae 1!) each, sterling silver tops. f decorated Porceta Heavy all linen Huck Towats, cts. Beautifull : } +09) st French movement. bi2.s° were 18 cts, |x Damask Divx | “were 3.00 doz... Crocxs, were 35.00, Brass and Onyx Banouer Laurs, ) complete, duplex globes, were’ 395 | 6.00 ee eeceee areins, 12,38 Fancy Luxcn Sets, cloth, and doz napkins to match, eel 1.7504 2.45 Sssoand aos. f Solid Silverware Dept. jugar Srooxs and Box Bow! y 39 Scoors (worth 2.00). seed uso Butter Kxrves. 1.75 Berry Srooxs. Carpets. | Suranion Vatvars in Paxton Patranns, with] each|~ matching $4 borders; have never sold less bigs) Nn Lass cts. 2.00 Our price +78 est 10 wire Tapestry Brussels, with matching $¢ border, were 1.00 ; now +59 Iriental Rugs, Modern and Antique, 2 toned Assyrians and Reversible Smyrnas, at less than actual cost, THE RNTIRE BLOCK, Broadway, 4th Ave, 9th and 10th Sts. : The E. A. Morrison eaenionauie & Son Announce that they are showing a very rich and elegant assort- ment of Ladies’ Silk Waists, |Classique Corset, hand fashioned by the best Carriage H ats|skilled French makers, is used , exclusively by the modistes who set the fashion in the world of dress and who know that the correct result is as Bonnets, |sured when the gown is fitted over the Classique. Stern Bros. West 23d St., Sole Importers. and Graceful Effect now sought in the bodice can- not be had without a corset especially suited to the pres- ent vogue. The AND Evening in a variety of different designs and prices. 893 Broadway. comicbooks.com