Life — November 15, 1894 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE-: THE ROAD TO LOVE. S there no place,” I hear the youth inquire ; ‘* Between this plain and that bright height above?" “*You cannot stop,”’ replies the aged sire ; ‘* There's no Half-Way House on the road to Love.” as USTAPHA,” inquired the Cadi, as he crossed his legs on the carpet of audience, “where did you get that queer object you are holding by the collar?” “T picked it at the Horse Show, your highness.” “Can it talk?” “It says words, your sublimity.” “ What is it called?” “ By some people a chappie; by others a Johnny.” “ What does it do?” “Sucks a stick and looks out of a club window, your highness.” “ How does it live?” : “Truly, your highness, it knows enough to breathe.” “ Does it cat and drink, Mustapha?” “Tteats soft food and drinks nothing stronger than soda- water.” “What is it for?” “Tt helps pass the time for some weak-minded women, who will talk to it when there are no men about.” “Now, by the Prophet's favorite slippers, Allah hath created strange creatures. Tell me, thing, why hast thou been brought hither?” “Tdo not know,” replied the chappie in a silvery voice. “IT was convehsing with some ladies I know who have a box at the Hoss Show, and this man shoved me to one side so that he could pass along. I told him he was a howwid cweature, when he asked me wight befowah those ladies wheah my nuhse was. Then I slapped him weal hahd wight on the shouldah. Then he laughed at me—laughed wight out loud—and I slapped him again. Then he seized me by the collah of the coat that I had ovah from Poole, in London, just on puhpose faw the Hoss Show, and bwought me heab. weally feah he has wuined my coat.” “Is this true, Mustapha?” “Tt is, oh, most high.” “And this worm did dare to touch the person of our vizier?" “ He did, oh, father of wisdom.” Here the chappie began to sniffle, and the Cadi dropped his chin on his breast in thought. “ Mustapha,” he finally said, “these chappies are not a very 315 harmful race. If it were not for their infernal cheek in thrusting themselves into public places we might ignore them entirely, However, they cumber the earth with their presence and it is well that they should be exterminated.” “ Allah is great, and the Cadi is the parent of justice. 1 hang upon his sublime words,” muttered Mustapha. “See to it that this chappie and any others that may be found: running at large be taken down to the dog-pound. Then let them be dropped on the Bosphorus, and be per- mitted to float wherever the current may take them.” “The Cadi's word is law,” said Mustapha as he lifted the chappie from his feet and carried him without the gate. “ Mashallah” said the Cadi as he disappeared behind the curtain, “ Allah is great, Mahomet is his prophet, and the visible supply of Cadis like me is very small.” Metcalfe. DEADENED. ARKE: What a terrible thunder storm we had last night. LANE: Did we? PARKE: Great Scott, didn’t you hear it? LaNE: No, My baby had the colic. A DEAD MAN. ILLIS: Do you believe that hair grows after death ? WALLACE: Oh, yes; they say that Senator Hill still shaves, ““Wuart Is tT, Lizzig, A BOY OR A GAL?” “A GALI” ‘*DEAR, DEAR ME! THERE'S SOME ONE ELSE WHO'S GOT TO WORRY ABOUT GITTIN' A HUSBAND!”