Life — October 25, 1894 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LI "PAT SEGORS, Ni Willy AN incident took place the other day on board an Australian liner which shows how very much mistaken Shakespeare was in supposing that one name is as good as another. A shy Australian major, after spending the first evening very late with his friends in the saloon, suddenly returned to them after saying good-night and requested an interview with the purser, He was very white, and they cruelly suggested that the person he wanted to see was the steward; but ‘this was not the c His communication was confidential.‘ There is a lady," be said, ** in my cabin, No. 42." “What rubbish !" exclaimed the purser, “Here ‘is the list; your companion is Capt. Hig; othing will induce me to go into the cabin again,” said the major. “Well, 'il go,” returned the other, He returned with yreat celerity and with a face as white as the major's. ‘* Upon my life you are right ; we'll put you somewhere else for the night and see about it in the mornin| With earliest dawn they sought the steward and demanded an explanation. alla mistake, gentlemen,” he said; it’s Capt. Higginson, all right ; here's his “We must have this explained,” said the purse: let's see what's init.” It was a lady's wearing apparel. “By jingo !" cried the steward, ‘that's what comes of taking names as don't belong he said she was Capt. Higginson, but she didn’t say it was only in the Salvation '— Independent. his portmanteau is unlocked, “Were you in the fight 2" asked an officer of an elderly negro on a steamer after Had a little taste of it, sab.” Stood y' nd, did you «Run at the first fire, did you 2" “Yes, sah ; would have run sooner if I had known it was comin’, *: Why, that is not very creditable to your courage.” * Dat isn’t my line, sah—cookin’ my perfeshun.” + Well, but bave you no regard for your reputation ?" “+ Reputation’s nothin’ to me by the side of life.” * Do you consider your life worth more than other peoples ?" “It’s worth more to me, sah." Exchange. FE: Not long ago a resident of one of the small towns near New York came to the ci to consult an eminent oculist, whose fee for a consultation is never less than ten dollas He was rather green in appearance, so the doctor, who is something of a wag, and w was in particularly fine spirits that morning, thought he saw an opportunity to have little fun at the expense of his rural visitor. In the course of the examination a prism was placed before the eye of the patient order to test the muscles, “Why, doctor.” he exclaimed, I see two candles !" “Indeed !" reptied the doctor.” “You are very fortunate.” “How so ?” “Why, just think what an advantage you have over the rest of us! Vou everything double, and beautiful pictures, charming landscapes, and lovely faces are repeated to you, and you must get just so much more pleasure out of them.” When the examination was concluded, and the prescription for the proper gla: written, the man, without a smile, laid a five-dollar bit on the table, with the remar “There, doctor—there’s ¢en dollars for you,” and was gone in a moment, leaving th astonished physician to figure up the cost of his little pleasantry.—Harper's ‘Monthly, “Wut do you want ?” she asked of the tramp who had made his way around the kitchen door. ‘Nothin’ much, ma‘am,” he replied with a politeness that awakened her suspicioa. oney, I suppose. We don’t give tramps money.” “«No'm.” I don’t want no money.” + Well, we have no victuals, except for dinner, and they ain‘tdone yet.” “T don't even ask for none ‘of yer dinner, ma'am. All | want is some dry bread jes’ dry bread.” She was touched, “Poor man !" she exclaimed.‘ Here, I'll give you a piece of pie anyhow,” “No'm. I druther hev the dry bread.” * Do you like it 2” “Na, but yer see me and the rest of the boys hez hustled aroun’ till we've turkey an’ some celery an’ some cranberry sauce an’ some plum puddin’, an’ all we war now is jes't the dry bread ter make the stuffin’ of."—Detroit Free Press. “ Come, William, give something,” said the deacon. “Can't do it, deak,” said Bill, “Why not ?'isn't the cause a good one ?” “Yes, good ‘nuff, but I ain't able to give nothin.” “Pooh! pooh! I’ know better. You must give mea better reason than that.” + Well, Lowe too much money.” “Well, but William, you owe God a larger debt than any one else.” “That's true, but he ain't a-pushin’ me like the rest of my creditors." —£xchance. For salo by all Newadealers in Great Britain. The Inter. pational News Company, Tream's Dullding, Chancery Lane, Lovdon, F.C, Engiand, Aoxxrs. 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