Life — October 11, 1894 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT FERS Ad NvLLv§ ‘Tne wholesale grocer had the self-made man’s reverence for the excellent habit of punctuality. He was always at his desk when the clock struck 8, and he expected his young men to be as prompt as he was. His favorite clerk was somewhat of an amateur sport, and 8 o'clock in the morning was often too early for his comfort. His charming personality, undoubted business abilities and success as a salesman placed him high in the estimation of his employer, who overlooked his slight but frequent digressions from the straight path of punctuality oftener than he did with the other clerks and salesmen. But the favorite presumed too far, and the ‘old man" was obliged to take him severely to task. ‘If you are not on time to-morrow,” said the wholesale grocer at the end of the lecture, ‘I will send a cab for you and charge the expense to you." The next morning was the morning after a prolonged game of penny ante, and the favorite clerk did not roll out of bed until 8 o'clock. He had forgotten the lecture, and was idling with his second cup of coffee when a cab drove furiously up to the door and the office boy, with a broad grin, jumped out and ran up the steps. Grabbing another man’s hat and forgetting that he still had his slippers on, the young man rushed out of the back door, through the alley, and caught a car. The cab came back without him, for he had reached the office first, and the $2 for cab hire was charged up against him. ‘The success of the new rule passed the wholesale grocer's expectations. The cab has never been sent again for the favorite clerk, and now that rule is posted on the walls of the office. A few days ago the wholesale grocer overslept himself. His desk was unopened when the clock marked 8, ‘The usual five minutes grace was given, and just as the belated grocer was hurrying down his front steps the cab drew up and the office boy stepped tothe sidewalk. The clerks had hard work to keep their faces straight when the ‘old man” entered the office at 8:30 o'clock. He said nothing, but when the cashier presented him with his weekly personal account he O. K.’d the item ‘‘to cab hire for being late $2,"” with something like a mild grin.—Chicago Record. As we saw him coming down the street with a package under his arm we suspected he was a tramp. As he came up the steps and sat down on a baggage truck the evidences grew stronger. As he opened the package and displayed a large ham bone, which Elistened as if recently sandpapered, the last lingering doubt was removed. We looked at him, says M. Quad, and he looked at us. He had come to work the crowd, but he had a prelude, That prelude wasthe ham bone. He lifted it up and gnawed at it. He turned it over and over and gnawed again and ag He was scraping his teeth along the bone when a motherly woman came out of the sitting-room and said to him “Poor man! You are hungry.” ++ Yes'm, very hungry,” he mumbled, “And there isn’t a'speck of meat on that bone.” + Not a speck.” ‘+ Haven't any of these men offered to do anything for you ?” she asked as she gave us a look of reproach. Not a blessed thing, ma’am,” he plaintively replied. ‘* Perhaps they would if I way to get up and "—— “Yes, they might be driven to do something,” she interrupted, ‘ but we won't wal for that. Here porter !” ‘The colored man about the depot came at her call, and she laid a quarter in his hand and said: ‘* This poor man is hungry. I want you to get an axe and crack this bone for him so that he can eat the marrow.” ‘Yes'm,” replied the porter, as he started for the storeroom. : The tramp rose up, laid the bone carefully down, and without so’ much as a look around him, walked ‘The woman called to him, and the porter arrived with the ate. but he did not halc or look back until he was forty rods away. Then he came to a stop, placed his hand on his heart, bowed, winked his left eye, and continued on the icy rovte he had mapped out for himself in this cold world.— Exchange. i rong! NE Prisoner was before the bar of justice for having been before some other bar too long. “* What were you doing drunk on the street 2” asked the jud; “Was I drunk, judge >” was the reply in a tone of surpris “The arresting officer says you were.” “Perhaps he's right, judge, but I was just going along with a birdeage in my hand" The judge had a jug set before the prisoner. 7 “Do you call that a birdcage ?” he inquired. ‘That's what you were carrying aloo in your hand,” ‘The prisoner picked it up carefully, removed the stopper, took a smell and tured it upside down. It was as dry as he was. “Well, judge,” he answered slowly, ‘* it ain’t a birdcage now, since them officers has had a whack at it.” “* Probably you are sober now and see things differently.”" “That ain't it, judge, It was a birdcage when I had it last.” | “Possibly you can explain what you mean by a birdcage,” suggested the puzzied court. “Easy enough, judge,” smiled the prisoner ; “it had 40 or 50 swallows in it when they got it,” and the lucidity of the explanation and the possibilities of what had happened to it affected the judge so powerfully that he dismissed the case.—Detroit Free Press innocence. ‘THE Nervous Womax : How long did you say it was before the train leaves? STATION AGENT: One hour and a half, ma‘am, Woman: Are you sure? T: Yes, maim. s Woman: That would make it safe for me togo out for a short time, STATION AGENT: Certainly. Tue Nervous Woman: You are positive? STATION AGERT: Yes, ma'am. How far did you wish to go? Tuk Nervous Woman: I want to go over to that newstand on the other side « = oii and geta paper. But if I lose the train I'll report you, now mind.—Chiceg: ferald. “ Ex—about this coming prize-fight,” said the reporter. “+ Well ?” asked the pugilist. “Is it to be fought with bare mouths or telephones ”"—/ndianapolis Journal. HILTON, HUGHES & CO., Successors to A. T. STEWART & CO. Now offer a full Fall Importation in Dress Goods, and as a special, 100 pieces CREPONS, full line of [2 t shades, - - - Another of SCOTCH MIX- TURES, the very latest, | 00 most stylish fabric - . | Silks. | Silks. | 24-in. SCOTCH PLAIDS, Cts a $1.25 quality, for. (gg ts OXFORD CREPES, in) 79 (Cts, evening shades, will be ‘and found great bargains at } 85 Cts. Special attention is invited to the | | many handsome novelties in Black Those in colors were never so beautiful as this season. Ladies’ Fine Costumes Wraps and Jackets, For Fall and Winter Wear. 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