Life — August 9, 1894 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE THe French account of Adam's fall: Monsieur Adam, he vake up—he sees une aslip in ze garden. Voila de la chance! Bon jour, Madame Iv.” ake ; she hole her fan before to her face. Adam put on’ his eyeglass to bleaux, and zey make von promenade. Madame lv, she feel hungry. She a ze arbre. Serpent se promene sur l'arbre—make one walk on ze tree. say Iv,‘ vill vous not have ze bonté to peek me some appel ? rtainement, Madame Iv, charmés de vous voir.” ‘Hola, mon ami, fretez, vous!" says Adam—"stop! stop! que songez vous faire? Was madness ees? You must not pick ze appel!” Ze snake, he take one pinch of shnuff, he say : Au, Monsieur Adam, do you not know how zere is nossing proheebet ze ladies ? dame Iv, permit me to offer you some of zeese fruit defendu—zeese forbidden fruit.” she make one courtesy=-ze snake, he fill her parasol wiz ze appel. He says: ‘ Erifis ‘ut Deus. Monsieur Adam, he will eat ze appel, he will become like one Dieu; know t you, Madame Iv, cannot become more of a goddess than you pow.” An' zat feenish Madame Iv.—Exchange, justice of the peace from the State of Iowa, having arrived, previous to jusion upon a question of law highly satisfactory to himself, refused to in. an argument by the opposing counsel. If your honor pleases,” counsel pleaded, “1 should like to cite a few authorities ¢ point.” Here he was sharply interrupted by the justice, who stated : The court knows the law, and is thoroughly advised in the premises, and has given opinion, and that settles it. “It was not,” continued counsel, “with an idea of convincing your honor that fs were wrong, but I should like to show you what a d—n fool Blackstone was.” rgonaut, A CERTAL A CONGRESSMAN who, having submitted himself to the manipulation of a venerable Jored barber in Washington, was told: ‘* Do you know, sah, you remind me so much Dan'l Webstah ?" “Indeed,” he said, “shape of my head, I suppose?” This staggered the aged bored man somewhat.’ He had not expected’a question in reply, and had merely laid foundation for his complimentary bluff, never thinking that there would be a call for explanatory superstructure. “No, sah," he stammered in reply, “not yo! head, sah; it's yo" breff."—Kansas ty Mat. ‘A. SUPERIOR officer of the. B— garrison was some time ago the hero of a most amusing adventure. Colonel Z— had received from Mme, V— an invitation to dinner, but on the day appointed, and just as he was about to start, he whs seized with a violent attack of neuralgia, and ‘decided to forego the pleasure in store forxhim. The Colonel wrote a letter of apology, called his orderly, and said : “Guy, you will give this letter to Mme. V—, and then go and fetch me m) dinner.” Here the plot commences. Guy set off, after carefully’ secreting the letterin his breast pocket along with his tobacco pouch. He arrived at Mme, V—'s, delivereth\his message, and stood as rigid asa statue. The lady of the house was surprised, aitd ired what he was waiting for. Guy replied “The Colonel told me to fetch him his dinner.” mistake, gave certain orders, and the servants handed the . ig fragrant odors. Moreover, Mme. slipped a half-bottle of champagne into the soldier's pocket, and said : ** You will serve this to the Colonel at dessert.”” Guy came back and, upon my word, the restaurant seemed to have provided such a host of good things, that the Colonel got up and took his seat at the table. Over the soup he slowly began to recover his appetite, to his no small surprise. The side dishes made him quite ravenous ; with the entrées his pain disappeared ; he was stupefied at the roast meat, and dumfounded at the game, and still his wonder grew at the marvelous dishes. supplied by his chop-house keeper. At the dessert the orderly, obeying his Instructions, set the bottle of champagne on the table... He was asked for an explana: tion, when everything came out. The Colonel, in despair, thought the matter over, and then gave his orderly ten francs, telling him to buy a bunch of flowers and present it from him to Mme. V. Then our Colonel, satisfied that he had done his best under the trying circumstances, settled down in an easy chair and composed himself to sleep. An hour and a half later the door opened and Guy walked in, and gravely deposited two five-franc pieces on the table. The Colonel questioned him with some anxiety. “The lady paid for the nosegay,” said the honest warrior, apparently well pleased with the general turn of affairs. Mme V—, on receiving the bouquet, had given the soldier five francs by way of a tip, on receiving which the latter simply replied : “Tt isn't five francs, please ma'am, it is ten francs.” Colonel Z— was confined to his bed for three days, to the great alarm of the whole of the garrison staff.—Le Progrés Idustré. HE sat for a long time wrapped in thought. “What is the matter?” asked his wife; ‘‘is there trouble on your mind?” ot exactly,” he answered, mopping the perspiration from his brow, “not unless ye might look at it as a kind 0° remorse.” Vhat was occupying your mind ?” **T was wondering if I'm the same man who kicked about the cold last winter."—£x. or ante by all Newndeniers ry Great Britatn. The Inter Building, Chancery Lane, EG, Engiand, AGENTe. Furormay Aone Megas, Brentano, $7 Avenue de l'Opers, xchange, ence, Paris; Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Gwiteerland. sterling Silverware the best production of both continents finely wrought by skilled smiths A Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets And The Dunlap Silk Umbrella, —at retail. Spautpinc & Co., (xcorrorateD.) ptate and Jackson Sts., Chicago. 36 Ave, de l'Opera, Paris, gestion Book ” mailed free. and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. | Palmer House, Chicago. Agencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, Parts Exposition, 1699, The Ideal HOTEL of America soe VENDOME o> Back bef BOSTON Common. Boulevar wealth Ave. C. H. Greencear & Co, 20 Baio PROFILE WHITE Gs Co ‘HOUSE N NY. | sort of N. a 7 uae CE xewisikom = UNEN LINE? K YOUR FURNISHE EWIS G. TRWKSBURY CELEBRATED HATS, 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. 234 & 234 Sts. 16 Chestnut 8t,, Phila, A Good Tenant wants all the Sy) modern improve- Irritations of the SKIN and SCALP Odors from Perspiration Speedy Rellef by Using Packer's Tar Soap “‘It Soothes while it Cleanses.’” Medical and Surg. Reporter, Phil This makes the 3] Mail Chute a necessity in PaSMAB CHUTES Office Buildings. The Cutler Mfg.Co. NOTICE. | UBSCRIBERS TO “ LIFE” will please give old address as well as new when re- questing change of same. HITCHINGS & CO., Horticultural Architects and Builders And Largest Manufacturers of GREENHOUSE HEATING axo VENTILATING APPARATUS. 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