Life — August 2, 1894 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FAX 5) Me ee) ou a Q A VERY OLD JOKE. GETTING A LITTLE PROFIT FROM THE RUSHES ON THE BANKS. AN INVITATION. T looks as if Mr. Charles Weld-Blundell were trying to have some fun with Father Vaughan, whoever he may be. We gather the following from our esteemed contemporary, The Journal of Zoophily. \t is a fragment of a correspon- dence that appeared in the London Tablet. “Had Father Vaughan kept upon the firm but brutal basis commonly ascribed to the Jesuits, that cruelty fer se to animals is allowable and sinless—he could laugh my logic to scorn. Let him come to see me here ut Ramsgate. I will provide him with a nicely upholstered torture ‘ trough’ of the newest design, in which he shall be duly strapped secundum artem. Chloroform shall be administered to him, and as a further precaution against annoy- ance (to the operator N. B.) a small dose of curare shall be in- jected to take away all power of movement on his part. I will then direct two of my youngest children, aged respectively five and three, to operate upon his pedal and manual extremities as best they may with the aid of a sharp penknife and a pair of blunt scissors. At the end of half an hour * Time’ will be called and Father Vaughan will be brought round in the usual manner If he then complains of the absence of a toe or two, or a finger joint, or ventures to upbraid me with cruelty I should merely retort with his own words, thus: ‘Why cruelty? Iam not at all angry with you, nor am [ animated with any other motive than that of afford- ing these children amusement and instruction, As for these trifling mutilations of which you complain they may be incon- venient to you certainly, but they do not necessarily involve cruelty ; in fact in this particular case the pain and injury to you being so very trivial and the amusement and instruction provided for my children great, Lam really surprised that you should make such a fuss! We doubt if the vivisector sees any fun in this. depends, you know, in these experiments, at which end of sthe knife and pincers you find yourself. learning to ride a bicycle.” “ How is she succeeding ?” “Oh, she doesn’t get on very well.” So much - A DISTINCTION. ISITING CLERGYMAN: you to this ? SALVATION ARMY BILL (serving his third term for disorderly conduct and drunkenness): No, not my faith, but my convictions ! And did your faith bring “YES, SNAILS HAVE EYES, THEY ARE RIGHT AT THE ENDS OF HIS HORNS,” “T WISH MY EVES WERE FIXED THAT WAY; THEN I COULD STICK THEM THROUGH THE KN ES IN THE PENCE AND See ALL THE BALL GAMES FUR S