Life — July 12, 1894 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tue old doctor and the old captain were fast friends, both inveterate jokers, and both, despite their aggre gate six-score years, rabid sportsmen. The doctor's frightful stammer did not seem to impede the flow of a joke, nor did the captain’s equatorial girth lessen his agility. One afternoon the old men set out on a rabbit hunt. As they passed through an orchard, something scur- ried into a burrow. Ar-r—wist— rabbit !" shouted the doctor. “L-l—let’s p—pull him out ;"" and kneeling at, the hole, he thrust his arm in up tothe shoulder. ** S-s— say !" he remarked, after a moment’s fumbling, **Sc-c —wist—can't q-quite g-get h-him. Y y—wh—you ty it, John; y-y—wh—your arm's longer than m-m- —wist—mine.”" The captain knelt and thrust his arm down, In an instant he was executing a war dance around a tree, waving a bloody finger. “ Blankety—blank—blank! That's no rabbit ; it’s a ground hog. ** D—d—wist—did he dite you, J-John ? queried the doctor anxiously. “Bite? Blankety—blank! Don't ou see he oook off the whole end of my finger ?” “Wh—wh—wh—why, that's t-too b-b—wist—bad,” said the doctor, taking his own hand from behind him and showing a’ sadly lacerated thumb. “M-he bd— rwist—bit me, too."— Harper's Magazine. An Ounce of Prevention is cheaper than any quantity of cure. Don't give children narcotics or sedatives. They are unnecessai when the infant is properly nourished, as it will be if brought up on the Gail Borden Eagle Brand Con- densed Milk. Bos INGERSOLL relates an anecdote of a Hebrew who went into a restaurant to get his dinner. The devil of temptation whispered in his ear ** Bacon.” He knew if there was anything that made Jehovah real white mad, it was to see anybody eating bacon; but he thought, ‘Maybe He is too busy watching sparrows and counting hairs to notice me,” and so he took a slice, The weather was delightful when he went into the restaurant, but when he came out the sky was overcast, the lightning leaped from cloud to cloud, the earth trembled, and it was dark. He went back into the restaurant, trembling with fear, and leaning over the counter said to the clerk: ** My God, did you ever hear such a fuss about a little piece of bacon !"—Exchange. Mitnau's Cauisava: A wholesome tonto for family use, for convalescents, the aged, and debili- tated, Introduced 1830. Genuine at 183 Broadway.— Adot, Jack isa boy of six years, and very ready. Hay pening recently to be at a neighbor's where a pet colt was being shown off, he was possessed with a frenz; for the animal, ‘Say! say! [ want that calt; will give you all my money—have lots in the savings-bank —and a ‘stifficut.’ Can't I have it, Mrs. Hart?" ‘Guess not, Jack,” said the lady.” ** Couldn't make an exchange for anything you have except the baby. Give me the baby, and I'll'give you the colt." “Til do it,” said Jack. Very well,” said the lady, with great sincerity. “Go right home and draw me up the baby, and you may lead home the colt.” “No,” said Jack, with some hesitancy, “1 won't give you Tot, but ("il tell you what I'll do, I'll give you my father !"—Harper's Magazine. “WHY WEAR BIG SHOES?” when by enclosing $1.00 to us you can get an attach- ment adjustable to any shoes which will enable you to wear shoes at least two sizes smaller than your old ones with perfect comfort.—GLoBe NovELTY Co., Allenton, Pa. Wuen Grant's army crossed the Rappahannock, L.ee’s veterans felt sure of sending it back as “tattered and torn" as ever it had been under the new gen- eral’s numerous predecessors. After the crossing, the first prisoners caught by Mosby were asked many «questions by curious Confederates. “What has become of your pontoon train?” said one such inquirer. “ We haven't got any," answered the prisoner. “* How do you expect to get over the river when you back ?”” “Oh,” said the Yankee, “we are not_ going back. Grant says that all the men he sends back can ross ona log." Argonaut, New Girt (4mid/y): 1 spose you are a fine cook, num 2" Youxe MisTRESS: Bless me, no. I don't know a thing about it. . NEW GIRL (refieved): ‘Then we'll get‘on famous- ly, mum, I don't either. New York Weekly. | PRIMLEY'S } California Fruit CHEWING GUM. £1700 fine books sent free'on application, “America Photograplied,” in 20 parts; each part contains 18 | beautiful pictures, 11x13 laches, Any single part sent for one wrapper and six cents, PRIMLEY, Chicago, Ill. Do not sell Mixed or Compounded Goods. Price 40 YEARS IN FULTON ST. according to age. No other house can furnish “Old * Crow” Rye Whiskey. Sold by us uncolored, un- sweetened. The Robert Stewart Rye Whiskey. Bottled at the Distillery. The best Eastern Rye. Sole agents ‘ for the Pleasant Valley Wine Co. Sole agents for ‘ ‘ ir 0. the Inglenook Wines. Send for Catalogue. 69 Fulton St., Broadway & 27th St., New York. RLS ealnama Exact Size. bowntown SURB re to. erro FULTON pans of the United States, Stands without a rival. Bilin “THE LEADING FHAVAMA CIGAR cizacrisatirs aver inan IT WTS does notkeen them, neu $1.00 for eampre box : GACOB STAHL, Ur., & CO., Makers, 168th St. and 3d Ave., Now York City. RADDA DAA, ADL DA m Marry Your Trousers & THE “CHESTER” is a suspender with an idea, viz:—enough stretch, all in the right piace, and in tothe beat enduring form. Our graduated elastic ‘ord ends M fake it the most comfortable and serviceable sus- H pender in the world; moreover, neat, light, and Bfegant. Sample pair mailed for 60 ceuta. The M want. 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