Life — July 5, 1894 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE- ¥ FARMER CROWDER had finished planting his corn, but his heart was heavy. He knew the crows were whetting their bills to pull up the corn as soon as it appeared above the surface *Ttell you how to get away with the crows," said Neighbor Stokes. “How 3” “Get you a gallon of mean whisky and soak some corn in it till it gets full of the stuff, and then scatter it broadcast in the field, The black rascals will eat it and get drunk, and then you can catch ‘em and pull their heads off, That beats pizen or shoot In a few days Farmer Crowder met his friend Stokes, “Well, he ps ?"” queried Stokes, “My com's bodaciously ruint,” replied Crowder, dolefully. ‘1 tned that ‘ere scheme 6° your n and it's a humbug.’ I soaked the corn and scattered it one day, and the went down to the new groun’ to see how it worked.” ‘+ Found ‘em drunk, eh?” “Found nothin’. I hearna devil of a fuss down nigh the branch, and went to see what it was. Thar was a dad-blasted old crow what had gathered up all the whisky corn and had it on a stump, and he was retailing it out to the others, givin’ ‘em one grain of that sort fur three grains of my planted corn, and dinged if they hadn't been and clawed up that bull field by sections."—Atlanta Journal, How completely the sense of a sentence is altered by the omission of an initial letter is shown in the following selections from various papers “The conflict was dreadful, and the enemy was repulsed with great laughter.” “In consequence of the numerous accidents occasioned by skating on Taunton Lake, measures are to be taken to put a top to it.” “When the President's wife entered the humble sitting room of the mine she was politely handed a haur.” “Ata large dinner given last night atthe y arrested on the chary othing was eatable but the owls.” “A man was yeste: of having eaten a cabman for demand- ing more than his fare. * An employee in the service of the government was accused of having stolen a small ox from the Boston mail ; the stolen property was found in his vest pocket.” “The Russian soldier, Kachkinoffoskewsky was found dead with a long word stick- ing in his throat."—Exchange. GENERAL OGLE, a member of the Pennsylvania Assembly, had been deputed to compose an address to the newly elected President, Andrew Jackson. When the bluff old warrior submitted his document to the House, a fellow member, a dapper little fellow from Philadelphia, observed : . “Pardon me, General. I hesitate about making any suggestion to so distinguished | an individual ; but I cannot refrain from saying that it is customary with cultured letter writers to write the first personal pronoun with a capital ‘1’ instead of a small ‘i General Ogle returned a look of scorn, ** Sir,” said he, ‘* when I write to so great a man as General Andrew Jackson, Democratic President of the United States, I abase myself. I abase myself, sir. [use as small an ‘i’ as I can put upon paper. But, sir, if ever I should have to write to a little snipe like you, I would use an ‘1,’ sir, that’ would fill wo pages of fools-ap !"—Aunsey's Magasine. Ix the summer of 1864, several wounded officers and twoor three privates were going \ up the valley of Virginia. ‘A rain came on and all hands took shelter for the night in a schoolhouse. It happened that in the course of the night a skunk found its way under the floor, and by and by announced its presence after its well-known effective manner. ? The officers all waked up, but being gentlemen and each supposing that the others | were still asleep, they kept silent. At last one of the privates, a German, could restrain himself no longer. “My! my! he exclaimed. _* Dish is too bad y Dey shleeps und I wakes und 1 ish got to shmell it all! "—Southern Rivouac. AT Point Lookout the men started to build a platform out into the bay which was not completed. Connecting boards along the spiles furnished an excellent opportunity for fishing. On one of these I sat trolling for spotted-tail bass—a fish there found— and O'Donnell was ‘still fishing from another two or three rods distant. He caught a flounder, evidently the first he ever saw. Holding it aloft as it twirled around, alter- nately showing the dark and flat white sides, he summed up his ichthyological astonish- ment in the following soliloquy : “Be jabbers! Oi'll fish a long spell before I get the other half of yez."—Boston Journal. Some years ago an enormous deposit of anthracite coal was discovered in Canada, and it was thought that if a duty was not placed upon it, our miners from Pennsylvania would be driven from the field. Somebody secured a specimen of the Canadian anthracite and sent it to a savant at Yale, who was asked to give his opinion upon it. He made an examination of it, and wrote back : ‘My opinion, after a careful examination of this coal is that the man who sits upon it on the day of judgment will be the last to burn."—Afiddletown Penny Press. For salc by all Newsdealers tn Great Britain. The Inter: national News Company. Brvaim's Building, Chancery Lane, Cleveland. 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