Life — May 3, 1894 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: this is LiFe.” I'm Coxey.” Aren't you ashamed to confess it?” My noble army of ——" “Oh, you are. “No, sir. “Rats!” “No, sir; not rats, but unemployed American citizens.” “Unemployed bums. But why are they unemployed ?” “ Because they can’t get work,” “ Did any of them ever try?” “T couldn't swear to it. These noble industrians ground down by the iron heel of capitalistic monopoly sf “ Say, General, will you please descend from your perch long enough to inform Lire whether the iron heel of capital- istic monopoly hurts the noble industrian any more than the iron fist of the monopolistic labor unions ?”” do, sir, The unions have elevated the condition of the workingmen.” “ That's true—of some workingmen. They enable those who belong to the unions to get four dollars a day when they're not striking to avenge somebody else’s wrongs. But how about the others—those who don’t know a trade, and are not permitted to learn one because the unions, while they are trying f.2>ship other folks’s monopolies with boycotts and mob ‘tue, are hanging with a firm grip their own monopoly of the chances to earn a livelihood ?” “ What's all that got to do with my noble army?” “Nothing. But you've assembled your tramps and secured the supplies which you are credited with selling for your own advantage on the plea that the workingman is in a desperate and unemployed condition, owing to the extortions of a capitalistic, monopolistic government.” “That's true.” “Perhaps it is. But LiFe understands that you havea comfortable place out West somewhere, where you breed horses to your own financial betterment. Perhaps you have opportunities to employ labor in the construction of your buildings?” “Do you ever find a plumber, or a painter, or a plasterer, who, even if you pay full union wages, is willing to do a day's work for a day's pay? Don’t they scamp, and soldier, and slouch, and destroy, and make life a burden for the man who pays the bills?” “ Sometimes.” “And if you object, don’t you find that they are quite ready to tell you to go to sheol, and, if you are too insistent, teady to strike at a moment's notice? And are they not quite willing to leave you with an unprotected job on your hands and sit around idle, armed with clubs and half bricks, ready to kill any unemployed workingman who is willing to help you out of your trouble ?” “| have seen such things.” “You have been making a lot of noise about unemployed labor. Do you think that even in these alleged ‘ hard times,’ any workingman who is willing to work the best he knows how for himself, his family, and his employer, need be idle ?" “ So long as the Government issues interest-bearing bonds.” “Tush, tush, Coxey, don’t talk balderdash. If what you say about your‘ industrial ' army is true, why don’t you march it around where there's a strike and let your * workingmen * do the work their pampered and monopolistic brethren refuse to do.” “This is a great moral movement. My army is going to Washington to secure work for all the unemployed of America.” “Nonsense. Nobody works in Washington—except with their mouths, You'd better take LIFE’s advice.” “TI don't want LiFe’s advice.” “That being the case, dear Coxey, we'll ask you one question and then stop. Honestly, now, would you rather be a bigger knave than you look, or look a bigger knave than you are?” (We are sorry to say that General Coxey’s reply to this last Guestion burned a hole in the diaphragm of LtFe’s telephone receiver and is therefore lost to our readers.) Little Girl Cat: YOu BAD CAT, WHERE'S MY BIRD? OH, He's JUST GONE INSIDE. comicbooks.com