Life — April 26, 1894 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

66 GAY, Central, keep off this wire, will you! Who is it?” “It's I—Grover.” “Good—for some time now, Mr. President, we've been wanting to talk with you. How are you—and the Missis— and the babies ?” “ They're all right, but I'ma little bit nervous. That fellow Hill annoys me. He's like an early morning fly, He can’t do any hurt, but he keeps buzzing around and flying from one thing to another, until it’s impossible for a respectable person to have any comfort. “ Flies will keep quiet if you puta little sugar where they can get at it. Why don’t you try that plan on Dave?” “I've heard that he was fond of ‘sugar,’ but I'm here to do the best I can for the American people; not to please Hill, nor Croker, nor Tom Platt, nor any other New York politician.” “We thought so. And apparently they think so. But how about Civil Service Reform? We've been standing by you agood many years on the theory that you were going to do all you could to remove that curse of American politics— the office-seeker.”” “ Don’t get impatient, my dear young friend ——" “Great Scott, Mr. President, do you call it impatience— four years of your first administration and more than but the fatal hour has arrived. We don’t want to be appointed American consul to Instamazumski, Siberia, nor do we crave the glory which attaches to the postmastership at Hayes Center, Neb. But there is one thing you can do for us.” “ Anything in my power, dear Lire. Your modesty shall be rewarded.” “Won't you please put an air-brake on Secretary Carlisle and get somebody to pump some brains and artistic sense into the office of the Supervising Architect ? The Constitution provides against cruel and unusual punishments, but there seems to be no way-of escaping from the cruel and unusual architecture inflicted on us by the government architects.” “T'll think it over. But I must leave younow. There are eight senators and twenty-seven congressmen waiting to talk to me about the appointment of the postmaster at Walker's Creek, New Jersey. I’m sorry, but public business has precedence, you know. Good-by J.S.M. Is a man ever justified in taking another's AGLEY life? JAGLEY: Yes, indeed. BAGLE! Under what circumstances ? JaGLEY: When he hasn't ten cents to pay for a copy, and knows that the other man has finished reading his. ayear of this one? We've been looking for youto — get into motion.” “So I shall. So I shall. But I've got a few other things to tend to, In the first place there are all those cranks who are trying to monkey with the currency. I've got to keep one eye on them. And then I have to give a good deal of time to the Tariff question. Wait till that wind-mill up on Capitol Hill shuts down for a while. Then I'Iltry to do something for you Civil-Service Reformers.” “We know you're a good deal of a fisherman, Mr. President. You're sure this isn't a fish story?" “Sure. I don’t lie about the fish I catch, If any one does, it’s Gilder, Some people say he has the imagination of a poet, you know.” “ There’s one other thing, Mr. President. We think you've been perfectly honest in the Sandwich Islands affair and have only sought to maintain our country’s reputation for fair dealing. But you must know that the sentiment of the American people is strongly in favor of the annexation of that naval outpost. Can't you do something about it?” “I don’t go out of office for some time yet. Between then and now many things may happen.” “Lire hasn’t asked any favors of you, Mr. President, ““MY OWN COUSIN, AN’ SHE DIDN'T RI “Dox'T MIND IT, . THEY DOES WHEN THEY GETS A MARY DE Me THE FIRST TIME!” ERNISE ME!" "T ACCOUNTABLE FOR WHAT ECINE COLLAR ON FOR ALLY, WIMMIN 1