Life — April 26, 1894 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*- LIFE: AN odd story comes from the north. A regiment quartered in Scotland had among them an expert gymnast, who taught his brother subalterns how to walk across the barrack room on their hands. While thus engaged one evening the door opened, and the colonel, a stern disciplinarian, entered the room, looked attentively at the inverted com- pany, shook his head gravely and departed without uttering a word. Extra parade duty hext morning was the least punishment expected for this breach of discipline, Some days sed, however, and no notice being taken, it was thought an apology and explanation should be offered by the prime instigator of ‘these unsoldier-like movements. A reference being made to the memorable night, the colonel amazed the intending apologist by exclaiming : ‘Hush, my dear fellow. I would not have anybody know it for the world, The fact is, I had been dining out with an old brother officer who had served with me in India, and, ‘pon my life, | had no idea the could have had such an effect upon me, but when I looked in to see if you were all right in your quarters I could have sworn that I saw you all upside down !"— xchange. Tuat eccentric English statesman, Robert Lowe, afterward Lord Sherbrooke, was criticising the marriage service one night in his usual sarcastic style. ‘* With all my worldly goods I thee endow!" he scornfully quoted. ‘That was what I solemnly declared to Mrs. Lowe, ata titne when I hadn't a shilling to bless myself with.” “But, my dear,” remonstrated Mrs. Lowe, who scarcely enjoyed this frank revelation of their early poverty, ‘you had your brilliant intellectual abilities.” “Oh, yes,” returned her merciless husband, * but I certainly did not endow you with those."—Exchange. “<1 was loitering around the streets last night,” said Jim Nelson, one of the old locomotive engineers running into New Orleans. “As I had nothing to do, | dropped into a concert and heard a sleck-looking Frenchman play a piano in a way that made me feel all over in spots. As soon as he sat down on the stool I knew by the way he handled himself that he understood the machine he was running. He tapped the keys avway up one end, just as if they were gauges and he wanted to see if he had water enough. Thea he looked up, as if he wanted to know how much steam he was carrying, and the next moment he pulled open the throttle and sailed on to the main line as if he was half ap hour late. Vou could hear her thunder over culverts and bridges, and getting fast faster, until the fellow rocked about in his seat like a cradle. Somehow I thou old ‘36° pulling a passenger train and getting out of the way of a ‘special.’ The fellow worked the keys on the middle division like lightning, and then he flew along the sorh end of the line until the drivers went around like a Buzz saw, and I got excited. About the time I was fixing to tell him to cut her off a little, he kicked the dampers under the machine wide open, pulled the throttle way back in the tender, and how he did rua! | couldn't stand it any longer, and yelled to him that he was pounding on the left side, and if he wasn't careful he'd drop his ash pan. But he didn’t hear. No one heard me. Everything was flying and whizzing. Telegraph poles on the side of the track looked lite a row of cornstalks, the trees appeared to be a mud bank, and all the time the exhaust of the old machine sounded like the hum of a bumble bee. I tried to yell out, but my tongue wouldn't move. He went around curves like a bullet, slipped an eccentric, blew out his soft plug—went down grades fifty feet to the mile and not a controlling brake set. Ske went by the meeting point at a mile and a half a minute, and calling for more stean. My hair stood up straight, because I knew the game was up. Sure enough, dead ahead of us was the headlight of a ‘special.’ Ina daze U heard the crash as they struck, and 1 saw cars shivered into atoms, people smashed and mangled and bleeding and gasping for water. I heard another crash as the French professor struck the deep keys away dows on the lower end of the southern division, and then I came to my stnsex. There he was at a dead standstill, with the door of the firebox of the machine open, wiping the per. spiration off his face and bowing to the people before him. If I live to’ be one thousand years old I'll never forget the ride that Frenchman gave me on a piano."”—New Orlean: Times- Democrat, by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. News Company. Bream’s Building, C England, AGENTS. The Inter- Tane, EUROPEAN AOENTS—Memr. Brentano, 37 Avenue de TOpera, Parts; hach’s News Exchange. Dlarastrame, Mayence, 5 * Germany, Agents for Germany. Austria and Switzerland. 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