Life — February 1, 1894 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: “Yes,” said the principal of the young ladies’ seminary to the proud parent, ** you ought to be very happy, my dear sir, to be the father of so large a family, all the members of which appear to be devoted to one another." “Large family | Devoted !" gasped the old gentleman in amazement. earth do you mean, ma‘am ?" “Why, yes, indeed,” said the principal, beaming through her glasses. “What on No fewer than eleven of Kate's brothers have been here this Winter to take her to the theatre, and she tells me she expects the tall one with the blue eyes again to-morrow."—Exchange. CHARLES THE SECOND, for whom the Earl of Rochester made his epitaph : said a foolish thing and never did a wise one,” could convey a reproof with wi When Penn stood before him, with his hat on, the king took off his own, ° er, “why dost thou not put_on thy hat?” ‘Tis the custom of covered at a AYVARTY of tourists went to visit a famous chateau on the Loire. On entering one of the rooms, the guide remarked : ** This, ladies and gentlemen, is the hall in which the Duke of Guise was assassinated. * Pardon me,” interrupted one of the tourists, ‘when I came here three years ago, you told me it was in a room in the other wing.” Thereupon the cicerone replied, with perfect serenity then undergoing repairs."—Argonaut. “Yes, but the chiteau was For sale by ail Newadealers in Great Britain. The Inter national News Company, Bream’s Building, Chancery Lan London, & C., Engiand,’ Aogxts. Iw a certain locality there lived some years ago, and may yet, a good old Methodist brother and a good old Presbyterian brother. ‘They got along very well together until they tried to trade horses or to talk religion, and then the Methodist brother always lost his temper, and said things he was sorry for. On one occasion they had traded horses, and, though the result still rankled in the breast of the Methodist, he was on terms with his neighbor, and they had met in a piece of meadow and started a discussion on predestination. It proceeded warmly until the Methodist brother lost control of himself, and, with horse trades and John Calvin mixed up in his mind, he exclaimed : ** Go 'way from here ; you're a thief and a liar and a Presbyterian.” ‘This was too much, and the next minute they were rolling over in the grass, clawing like a pair of cats, and pretty soon the Presbyterian was sitting astride of his foe bumping his head into the soft ground. “Take it back,” he yelled ; “take it back or"—bump—bump—" I'll knock your old Stop and I will,” gasped the Methodist brother. The Presbyterian let him up. . “That is," he continued, as he brushed himself and spit the dust out of his mouth, “Til take it Back on the first two counts, but you're a dad blamed old Presbyterian any- how,” and it was an entire week before they were friendly again.—E xchange. Here isa story of a young man which is credited to a Chicago divine : The night he took the “third” the Senior Warden, at the proper time, gave him the ** jewel.” “Then the Worshipful Master, with stately tread and solemn face came down from his seat in the East, and approaching the young candidate sai “My brother, what is the jewel of your office ? he young man blushed, and in a hesitating manner stammered out : he typewriter.” The face of the Worshipful Master relaxed into a smile, and he said : “ Well, that is not exactly the answer I expected, but’ as you have alluded to type- writers, let me ask you which one you prefer?” “There was no hesitation on the part of the candidate this time. he answered eagerly : “Oh, the blonde."—Masonic Chronicle. With a happy look a a (ears, Breatano, $7 Avenue de l'Opera, his News Exchange, 1 Clarastrame, “MAyence, Germany, Agents for Germany, Auriria and Switeeriand CELEBRATED HATS, —anp— Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets And The Dunlap Sik Umbrella. 178 & 180 Fitth Avenue, bet. 22d & 23d Sts. and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. ‘916 Chestnut 8t., Phila tB- Agencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 1889, . 1s UN RIVALLED w Tne SICK~ROOM me SAFEST FOOD ror INVALID Tuey met by chance in the waiti of arailway station,‘ My friend," began the ror DYSPEPTIC. DELICATE. INFIRM ano AGED PERSONS. ‘Seu w DRUGGISTS » "157" “JOHN CARLE 2 SONS."#03 ®th Edition, postpaid for 26c. (or stamps.) THE HUMAN HAIR, Why it Falls Off, Turns Grey, and the Remedy. By Prof. HARLEY PARKER, F- R.A. 5. C.F. Lona & Co., 1018 Arch an with the valise full of tracts persuasively, “shave you ever reflected on the shortness of life, the uncertainty of all things here below, and the fact that death is inevitable ?” “Have 1?” replied the man in the shaggy well, I should reckon {I'm gent **Ah—um—looks as if we were going to have more snow, doesn’t it !" said the other, locking his vi again with a snap.— Srautpinc& Co. Gold ana Silver Smiths. OHTOAGO. ng—. does it ever bother you ‘The Chief Value of a piece of jewelry is the permanency of its beauty, Spaulding & Co.'s Diamonds, other Goms, Timepieces, etc., row old without lessening in worth, Their “Baggestion Book” il be mailed free to any one, WILLIAMS’ SHAVING STICK. Very soft— 36 Ave, de l'Opera, Parts. State & Jackson Sts which ener dries Chicago. ‘on the face. & LOS ces URTIS & 208 vie ae TRAQE MAPK Ix 1768, Gabrielli, one of the most beautiful of women and magnificent of sopranos, a. ‘“ Bvery one should read this little book."—Athenarum. | Chicago Tribune. Do not sell mixed or compounded goods. Price according to age. No other house can furnish “Old Crow” Rye Whiskey. Sold by us uncolored, unsweetened. Sole agents for The Pleasant Valley Wine Co. Sole agents for the Inglenook Wines. Send for Catalogue. H. B. KIRK 69 FULTON ST. - 9 WARREN ST. & C 0 ' Broadway and 27th St., N.Y. LEWIS G. TEWKSBURY 40 Years in Fulton St. demanded five thousand ducats salary from Catherine the Second of Russia. The Empress objected that it was larger than the pay of a field-marshal. “Then let. your field-marshals sing for you,” retorted Gabrielli, SD Wty Ko al WORLDS Ly FAIR A BRITISH regiment stationed in India FACTORIES, SELON had listened to a sermon on ** The Company of Apostles.” from its ‘ Padre,” now a Colonial Bishop. As the officers sat at mess the sermon came up in the conversation, and various opinions of its merits were heard. Presently the Adjutant, a silent, saturnine man, who had risen from the ranks, remarked : “To tell the truth, I don't think much of the Apostles as a Conipany—only twelve, rank and file. Banker, 50 Broadway, New York, Buys and sells Bills of Exchange on all carts of the world. comicbooks.com