Life — December 29, 1892 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

14 Heilmann’s large nose and diamond scarf-pin. The bunco- man’s face bore an expression of reckless hilarity, caused probably by the whiskey he had consumed, and an unwonted feeling that there was no immediate probability of feeling a detective’s hand on his shoulder. His eyes were fastened on Miss Dolly Otis’s fac “ Ah, dere ! my size,” he exclaimed, “I guess you give me a and he leaned forward to grasp the young lady’s arm. a tight squeeze for Lansdale to pass Keefe in the nar- row aisle, but he did it in time to land his right on Heilmann’s, chin before that person suspected that there were any men except of his own kind in the car. Heilmann dropped like a log, but his companions had seen the blow and came for Lansdale in a body. The ladies had already crouched as far back in the seats as the sides of the car would allow, and Heilmann’s friends crowded down the aisle and over the seats. Lansdale had already dropped the first man in the aisle on top of Heilmann’s body, and was fighting up against another, who was standing on a seat and striking from above. A third was standing on the opposite seat, and had drawn a short, stubby sand-bag. He had it uplifted ready to strik Lansdale under the ear as soon as opportunity offered, when over Lansdale’s shoulder shot a fist which was lacking a thumb. This fist was made up of Mr. Keefe’s famous four- fingers, and landed in the pit of the sand-bagger’s stomach with thrilling effect. Suddenly Lansdale butted his opponent in the same sensitive region, and as he recovered his position saw him drop between the seats, “ Here, you take dis,” he heard Keefe say, and the butt of a revolver pressed into his hand. The rest of Heilmann’s crowd had been startled by the rapid downfall of their com- panions. Their discomtiture was increased by seeing a sawed-off revolver in Lansdale’s hands, and Keefe ranged alongside of him with the sand-bagger’s weapon firmly clutched in his four-fingers. At the same moment the train gave three or four jerks and then moved slowly forward. As the speed increased so did their alarm, and three or four of those nearest the door jumped off. They were soon fol- lowed by the others. Then Lansdale and Keefe picked up their fallen assailants, and carrying them to the platform dropped them from the slowly moving train into the snow. Keefe’s own companions had foraged forward towards the din- ing-room car before the fracas, so Lansdale found himself and his ally alone in the car with the frightened ladies, When they returned to Aunt Mary Otis and Miss Dolly they found that the former lady had become hysterical with the unwonted excitement. As her eyes fell on Keefe she jumped to her feet and threw her arms about his neck, hailing him as the preserver of her life, and promising him numerous future rewards in the name of the heavenly authorities. Mr, Keefe had never moved much in the society of pious and elderly maiden ladies, and felt extremly ill at ease under these demonstrations, “ Say, young fellah,” he said to Lansdale, “can’t you get her nibs to break away? She’s smudderin’ de life out 0’ me.” Lansdale and Miss Dolly finally succeeded in getting Aunt Mary back to her seat, and in putting her under the ‘LIFE: influence of smelling salts and camphor, in which familiar atmosphere she soon regained her usual composure. None the less her eyes kept resting on the manly form and luxuri- ant moustache of Mr. Keefe with a mild and benevolent adoration, which disturbed that object of this maiden hero- worship to the extent that he left the car to find out the status of affairs on the rest of the train. Lansdale devoted himself to aiding the other ladies and reassuring them as to any further trouble. Finally Keefe returned and told them that the dining-car people had successfully resisted the attack of the interlopers, and that a darkey waiter who had formerly been in his employ was reserving a table for four. Lansdale was quite ready for food, and Keefe was more than ready, but the former imparted to the Lady President of the Women's African Temperance Association the infor- mation that there were two places in the dining-car at her disposal, the other two being intended for the Misses Otis. The Lady President rose to her feet, and tapping with her umbrella handle on the back of a seat called the car to order. In a few well-chosen words she expressed the gratitude of herself and her sisters for the bravery of the two gentlemen then present. Under the circumstances, she stated, she felt impelled to insist that the gentlemen, with the ladies who had been their special charges, should at once satisfy those natural cravings of the digestive apparatus which she had been given to understand were so much stronger in the male sex than her own, The other ladies clapped their hands and without further ado Lansdale and Miss Dolly, and Keefe and Aunt Mary, the latter two outvying each other in blushes, proceeded to the dining-car. Keefe's darkey was ready for them, and at the end of the table stood two wine-coolers, each containing a quart bottle of champagne and salted ice. Beside each plate was a bar- glass three-quarters full of a brown transparent fluid, in which rested a bit of twisted lemon peel. “ Now, den, leddy,” said Keefe, as he sat down opposite Aunt Mary, “if you'll just put dat dere med’cine into you, you'll feel like another man,” with which Mr. Keefe swal- lowed his cocktail, and with infinite solicitude saw Aunt Mary put her glass to her lips. She had no sooner tasted the drink than she turned a look of horror on Keefe. Sir,” she said, “1 believe that mixture contains strong spirits.” “ Certainly,” replied Keefe, “ain't whiskey de best med'cine on eart’ for any one when dey’s rattled? Put her down and u'll feel like a tree time winner.” “Hold on, Keefe,” said Lansdale, “these ladies don't drink. Here, waiter, take off these glasses.” Keefe looked surprised, and turned a pathetic gaze in the direction of the wine-coolers. He had done his best, and it pained him to see his kindly efforts so little appreciated. Aunt Mary perceived his discomfiture, and sought to make amends, “ You are a foreigner, I believe, Mr. Keith. I can tell it by your accent, but it puzzles me to determine your nationality “Oh, no leddy, I'man American trou’ an’ trou’. Me fadder comicbooks.com