Life — November 3, 1892 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE: SAGGERS A Nall A PAIR in a hammock Attempted to kiss, And in less than a jiffy “syya aq popary oy 1, —New York Sun. © HeLto, Central! Is it true that you girls are not allowed to listen to what is said ‘over the wires?” eves and what's more, we wouldn't waste the time if we had to it throw away in listening to the silly stuff that people pour into each other's ears. The public must think we are dying to hear something when we try to catch what it has to say.” “All right, then ; give me 1314." “There, you've got 'em.” + Hello, 1314! Say, I've got a secret I want to whisper to you, but first let_me tell you that yesterday I saw the telephone girl who answers our calls at the central office—the ‘one with the cracked, rasping voice—and, suffering saints! she's got a face that is naturally s» homely that any sort of an accident that might befall it would improve its appearance ; and her hair is such a bright red that persons with weak eyes can't look at it except through Smoked glass; and she’s got freckles as distinct as the squares on a checker-board, and— “Say, you horrid man! if | hear any more of that kind of talk over the wire, I'll Do you understand ?”” T'll call around this afternoon and tell you what I've got to say. to the manager ! report you “Er-rer, bello, 1314! I'm afraid it won't do to send it over the ‘phone, because—well—you understand how it is."—Pittsburg Dispatch. A NATURALIST, who is absent-minded to a degree, recently celebrated his silver wedding. | Just as the first guest arrived, one of the daughters was sent to summon the father, who was all ready, and came into the parlor. The daughter noticed that her father carried in bis hand a small wooden box, and as he shook hands with the nearest guest, she saw him drop it. The cover rolled off, but she gave a sigh of relief when she ‘saw that the box was apparently empty. The naturalist, however, uttered a cry of dismay, and instantly went down on his hands and knees in an attempt to gather up something. “Have you spilled anything, father ?” she asked. «Spilled anything!" he echoed, in evident indignation at her calm tone; ‘1 have lost fifty fleas that I have just received from Egypt!" The effect of this intelligence on the family was nothing in comparison to the effect the catastrophe had upon the company before the evening was over.—drgonaut. A New York woman, who has a very poor opinion of art as presented in Chicago, was recently visiting in that city, and under the espionage of that dilettante and scholar, Mr. Eugene Field, she went one day to the Art Museum. “Possibly, Madam,” suggested Eugene, with a courtly bow and in classic English, “perhaps you had better leave your sun umbrella at the door.” ** What for?” inquired the lady, who was rich enough to own the best. * You might push it through a picture or break a piece of statuary with it.” *Thardly think I shall," she retorted, marching right in.‘ T think too much of my umbrella."—Detroit Free Press. “ Wuat was Helen crying about, Polly?” asked Polly’s mamma, as the little one came in {rom the playground, ‘+ She dug a great big hole in the garden, and her mamma wouldn't let her take it into the house with her,” said Polly.—Harper's Young People. acker’s Tar Soap. IS PURE, ANTISEPTIC, LATHERS READILY, ESOVRICHTED SOOTHES IRRITATED SKIN. 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Club Stationery is receiving the at- tention of our Stationery Department. We are making letter-paper-and-envel- opes; invitation and menu cards—upon new stock, with new and appropriate embellish ments—for daily use in clubs, ELLE OF NELSON Whisky is distilled for the finest trade, and for the purpose is bottled at the distillery in Nelson County, Ky. Is guaranteed to be a hand made sour mash of the finest quality. No whisky produced ranks higher. "No first-class club, hotel, bar or saloon can afford to be without it. Adapted especially for gentlemen's sideboards and for sickness. Price $15 per case, containing 12 bottles. Received by us direct from the distillery. Address Acker, Merrall & Condit, NEW YORK, N.Y. Men of taste desiring distinctive club or individual stationery should send for our designs and “Suggestion Book” which tells them of other "* things” in Gold, Silver and Leather. 36 Ave. de U'Opera Paris State & Jackson Sts. Chicago THD porn GALLERY. IRE COLLECTION FROM LONDON. stth Edition, postpaid for asc. (or stampa), THE HUMAN HAIR, Why it Falls Off, Turns Srey and the Remedy. By Prof. HARLEY PARKER, F.R. A. S. C. F. Lone & Co., 1013 Arch St., Philada., Pa. “very one should read this littie book."— Atheneum IMPRESSED VISITORS. Open week days from 10 to 10. Admission, 0 centa, Thursdays from 10 to ARNEGIE MUSIC HALL, 87th St. and 7th Av. To be punctilious in one’s Stationery is an evidence of a cultured and refined taste. The Whiting Standard Papers are regarded as meeting all the requirements of the most fastidious. Made with sur- faces to suit any style of writing and each sheet bears the Whiting watermark, by which it is a guarantee of their excellence. Ask your Stationer for Whiting’s Standard, and take no substitute. New York Offices, WHITING PAPER Compan , 148, 150 & 152 Duane St. comicbooks.com