Life — May 12, 1892 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: HOW THEY DO IT. TO write a modem play's a small affair, As you will find when once you've boldly faced The situation. Simply take a pair Of scissors and a pot of Stickphast paste ; Then fasten on to some smant Frenchman's plot And cut it's dreadful naughtiness away. Paste in some Yankee jokes—and there you've got A thorough-going, sterling English play. —Exchange. Coxoressman Kem had an amusing adventure recently in a Madison Street car. The car was full, and at a certain comer a woman got in who, owing to the amplitude of her proportions, had some difficulty in crowding through the door. She finally sta- tioned herself right in front of the Nebraska congressman. He got u “+ Sit down,” said the woman, impressively ; “sit right down. Don't trouble your- “ But,” expostulated the Hon Kem; “* but, madam—” She broke in upon him. ‘I insist upon your sitting down,” she exclaimed, hoarsely. “TL have seen too much of this thing of women driving men out of their seats. I don't believe in it. If you—", Mr. Kem had become desperate. The conductor was nowhere in sight.‘ Madam,” he cried, *' for God's sake will you get out of the way ? I didn't offer you my seat. We have just passed my corner, and I want to get out.” “fhen'the woman sat down.—New York World. “ Brown, do you know why you are like a donkey ?” ** Like a donkey,” echoed Brown, opening wide his eyes. ‘Do you give it up?” “« Because your better half is stubborness itself." “That's not bad. Ha, ha! I'll give that to my wife when I get home.” “Mrs. Brown,” he asked, as he sat down to supper, ‘do you know why I am so much like a donkey ?” He waited a moment, expecting his wife to give it up. She looked at him somewhat commiseratingly as she answered : ““T suppose because you were born so."—Exchange. “No, I don't.” JONES (very cross): Throw that thing away, do. Brown (very happy): Look here! i don't often give sixpence for a cigar, but when I do— Jones: You get fourpence change !—Exchange. self, I beg of you. I can just as well stand myself. he Noblest Breakfast Food on Earth! xz Most Nourisnina Rus Most PaLaTasis All Grocers Sell It. FREE Pamphlets Freaiy mailed to ali eorrmanras. CELEBRATED HATS, an. ‘Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets And The Dunlap Silk Umbrelis. 178-& 180 Fifth Avenue, det. 224 & 234 Sta. and 1tr_B. near Coftlandt St. NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago, 914 Chestnut St., Phila, CW Agencies in all’ Principal Cities, Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 18%. Head Office, 61 sth Ave. New York. N. EB, Office, 199 Tremont St., Bost ion. 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The Coven is glove-fitting — never comes off in your satch- el, The neatest, strong- est and most attractive te package ever made i —and it costs ne more ‘than any other. of any ee 25c. vragene. THE J.B. WILLIAMS CO., | Gtastonavry, Conn, Makers of the renowned “Genuine Yankee 82ap."" Chicago: State and Jackson Sts., Paris: 36 Ave. de I’Opera, Fine CUT @LASS fas at all times an intrinsic value, The name of 3. HOARE sounds good forldle money | @ (Q,, Corning, is the best guarantee that 8 Por Cont. Net ar"sstretncr is ot tee. possible revenue from one acre Italian Prunes In Oregon. Investment Share Certificates on installments. Crors AND BANKS NEVER PAIL IN Onxcon. Send for new Prospectus. Tae Fars Trust anv Loan Co., Portland, Ore. any piece can have, 45 to One Forty-five pounds of lean Beef required to make one pound Armour’s (Chicago) Extract of Beef. There are many ways of using Armour’s Extract. Our little Cook Book explains several. We mail it free. 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