Life — April 14, 1892 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LI LIFE’S FAIRY TALES. THE ADVENTURES OF TWO CRIMINALS. UNKY was a bad boy and his dog was a bad dog. Their manners, morals and antecedents were all bad. Hunky’s father had been hanged for murder and his mother, at the time of this story, was residing in a public institution as a common drunkard. Grips, although he looked like a bull dog, was of varied and confusing ancestry. «His expres- sion was blasé and dissipated. | Both Hunky and Grips had bresque, unvarn- ished manners, ugly faces, crodked legs, and hoarse voices. Their past experience was such as to make them suspicious of every- thing except each other. Hunky had inherited = Several tendencies that were actively discour- Sy aged by the police; but crime possessed no terrors for Grips and he had stuck by him through thick and thin. Hunky was a liar and a thief. Grips was a thief and a bully; with the power of speech he would probably have been a more expert liar than his master. One morning in May, when neither had eaten any- thing since the previous noon, they stopped in front of a grocer’s just to look at the display and realize what fun there was in store for those who were to eat it. As an old gentle- man, who happened to be beside him, took out a handful of money to pay for his purchases, Hunky's empty stomach furnished him the courage for a daring deed. With his brain dazzled by the ice cream and cocoanut cakes those bills would buy, and the pounds of raw meat they would procure for Grips, he snatched them and darted away. As he rounded the nearest corner with the cry of “Stop thief!" in his ears, he ran straight into the arms of a policeman. In vain he struggled to get away. Grips realized the neces- sity of immediate action, and fastened himself with painful enterprise upon a tender portion of tne public guardian. Swiftly were the fingers loosened from Hunky’s collar ; and the latter, knowing that Grips had always been able to look out for himself, vanished from the scene with the celerity and skill which are gained only by experience. The report of a pistol, however, told him the worst had happened. He afterward got possession of the body and gave it a decent burial. In the soap box, which served as a coffin, he laid the stolen purse with its contents, so that Grips, in an- other world, might secure the nourishment he had so often missed in this one. As he was gently patting down the fresh earth upon the grave and making no efforts to sup- press his grief, he heard some one say : “ Phwat are yez that blue about ? Turning his head he saw beside him a strange little figure, too small even for a dwarf “Lam sorry about Grips.” “ Phwat’s the matther wid him ?"” “ He's dead.” “ Begorra, that’s something !"" said the little figure. ae gt FE, - “An’ that ain't the worst of it,” said Hunky, “for I want to foller him and I dunno where he is.” “TL wish I could tell yez,” said the short one, “ but, bedad! it’s a tough one ter answer. Howld on tho’, I have an id The head of the Church knows everything.” And as Hunky watched him he grew taller 2 and taller, his clothes became rich 4 2 and ample, a tiara sprouted upon his head, and, lo! he was a pope. Hunky had never seen a pope before and was very much astonished. The pope laughed at his amazement and said : “ We've got wisdom by the scruff o’ the neck, now, be jab- bers! Tellusabout yer friend. Was he a Roman Catholic ?” “1 dunno.” “Yer dunno whether he belonged to the Church or not?” “No. He didn’t belong to nuthin’—except me.” “ Did he never go to mass, or confess, or attind howly service, or any o’ them things?” “Then it's a slim show for heaven he has, bad ‘cess to him! He’s down below.” “In hell?" “ Sure,” “ Good !" said Hunky. “ Then he was no friend to yez ?” “Wasn't he though! Only one I had. But 1 want ter foller him and they'd never take me inter heaven.” “Oi'm not so sure o' that,” said the pope; “ children have a chance. But Oi have another idea. Oi’ll excommunicate yez, and ye'll go to hell, sure.” So he excommunicated him, and then returned to his original shape. Hunky thanked him and they separated, each going his own way. Hunky had not travelled far before he met an old lady with curls and spectacles who-asked him whither he was hurrying. “I'm goin’ ter hell,” said Hunky. “Mercy on us!" exclaimed the old lady as she threw up her hands, and quivered with excitement; “ What takes you there?” “ My best friend has gone on ahead, an’ I'm a hurryin’ ter join ‘im.” “ But how do you know he is there and not in heaven?” “ He wasn’t a Catholic,” said Hunky, “and its only them as goes to heaven.” “ Sakes alive!" gasped the old lady. “Is that official?” “Straight from the pope,” said Hunky, and he hurried on toward the river. As he ran out on to the wharf he passe@'very near a barrel standing end up, on the Q top of which were four fairies playing poker. comicbooks.com