Life — December 17, 1891 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIP E * MYTHOLOGY FOR MODERNS. PHATHON. [7 5 quiet evening in the Deity Clubon Mount Olympus. Jupiter, who had dined at the club, and therefore escaped Juno's nagging, was comfortably snoring in an easy chair by the fire. In one of the card-rooms Mercury was instructing some young gods in three-card monte, and his pupils were paying well for their instruction, Vulcan and Hercules were in the bar, with their elbows on that useful piece of furniture, and their hands gripped, trying to find out which could ** put the other down,” In the reading room a number of centaurs were sitting around In the café a number of young gods, including cupid. Apollo, Orphcus, Epaphus, others. were discussing the qualifications of the applicants ‘or membership in the club who were to be voted on at the next meeting of the Board of Governors. * Do any of you fellows know anything about this fellow Phathon ?" asked Epaphus. in a tone which showed that he did. No making any reply, he continued : “1 don’t believe he's eligible. You know the constitution requires that every member shall »e either a god or the son of a god, and I fon't believe Phathon can qualify." It should be stated in explanation of Epaphus’s remark that he and Phathon had taken a fancy to the same you and Epaphus had and one x woman, come out only second best. Thus it will be seen that, even among the gods, there were ose who would let their private spites air them- selves at the club, Of course all conversation at clubs is sub rosa, but nevertheless this remark of Epaphus’s came to Pharthon’s ears. Pharthon was the son of Helios, the Sun-god, and Clymene, a sea-nymph. He thought he could count on his father to help him out in getting even with Epaphus, so he repaired to his parent and told him the tak, The old man listened in silence and then burst out in anger : “Epaphus! He's a nice one to talk. Jupiter's his father, to be sure; but his mother was only that mortal- born creature, lo, The idea of his/ casting reflections on the divinity of my son! I'll go down and teach that young man manners.” ‘Don't you do it, dad,” replied Phathon, “If you'll promise me ‘one thing, I'll get even with him myself. you promise 2” “Certainly I will,” replied the Sun-god. Phathon left his father and proceeded to or- ganize a coaching party, inviting as his guests some of the prettiest girls and swellest_ young men in the Olympian oo. Diana had agreed tochaperon the party, so the mothers of the young ladies had no hesitation in letting them go. When all the guests had sent their acceptances, Pharthon returned to his father with a look of sai “It's all right, dad !” he exclaimed. next Saturday, and when we drive by the Deity Club, Mr, Epaphus will feel like kicking himself. I wish you'd have the chariot of the nd the horses all ready and in good shape for me at two, Saturday. ** My boy, my boy !" exclaimed Helios, I can’t let you have that rig Will faction on his face. “I'm to give a coaching party 361 Nobody ever drove it but myself, and an accident would raise a whole lot of trouble.”* ++ Remember your promise, dad,” replied Phixthon, ‘+ Nothing else would convince people half so easily that I'm really your son, and noth- ing else will do, Besides, all the people have promised to go.” ‘The old man tried his hardest to dissuade Phathon, but that youth was of the kind who think they know it all, and was not to be dis- suaded. The eventful Saturday came at last, and Phathon attired himself properly for the occasion, with a pearl-top hat, a bottle-green coat, and a large bunch of Jacqueminot roses. His father gave him many words of advice, none of which he heard, and then he started off to pick up his load. Diana made considerable ado about climbing to the top of the coach, insisting that every one should look the other way while she did so, but at last all was ready, and the drive began. Fora little way everything ‘Then the the nigh leader began to balk, and Phathon, who wasn't half as good a driver as he thought he was, lost his nerve. Then the nigh wheel horse began to rear, and Phathon’s few remain- ing wits left him completely. To add to the confusion, Epaphus's fiancée, who was on the box with Phathon, grabbed the reins, and the team went to pieces completely. went well. Naturally, the Chariot of the Sun couldn't go sky-rocketing around this way without causing trouble, In the first place all the passengers were dumped out, but as they were all greater or less divinities, they saved themselves from the usual results in the way of broken arms and legs. Nevertheless, the whole solar system was thrown out of gear, and people on earth who had been thinking it was Saturday afternoon, found that it was early Tuesday morning, and was fast coming on Thursday night. Reliable and trustworthy astronomers were driven tec f the out of business, and the crops showed centricity in coming up at the wrong tim year, Maiden ladies who had been counting on leap year to relieve them from their unhappy condition fo postponed. nd the joyful period indefinitely Jupiter at last took pity and put things back as they were, but not until he had exacted from Helios a promise never to let Phathon dri again As for self, he had his down from the | and became a salesman for a of dealers in nectarand ambrosia, Metcalfe. his horses Phethon him- ame taken ity Club, traveli well-known firm RS. BRYDE: see what maki I can’t ever M body think that my husband Why, John comes home every night and aN goes to bed with the chickens. “vit Mrs. Gossip, to report to the world that Mr. Bryde ‘ed out every night, and has to slecp in the hen-house.) so dissipated. H E: How old are you, Miss Dolly ? SHE (sweetly); How old would you think ? HE (carefully): I don't know, but I'm sure you're younger than any one would think. comicbooks.com