Life, 1891-04-09 · page 14 of 14
Life — April 9, 1891 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief satirical jokes typical of *Life* magazine's humor, interspersed with period advertisements. **Main cartoons/jokes:** 1. **"Pat Scissors at Nulls"** – A joke about a bacillus (germ) being humanity's deadliest enemy, referencing contemporary scientific research. 2. **O'Hoolahan police story** – An Irish-accented officer is fired after a jewelry store robbery in his district. The humor: he'd warned the burglar was "going to open a jewelry store" but didn't arrest him, taking the man at his word. The punchline emphasizes the absurdity—the thief may be a criminal, but at least he wasn't a liar. 3. **Additional short jokes** follow similar patterns: a magistrate can't prosecute a robbery if the victim still possessed the stolen watch; a man drops a cigar into blasting powder; social awkwardness between young people. **Context:** These represent *Life*'s typical style—brief, absurdist humor often playing on logical contradictions or ethnic stereotypes (note the Irish dialect). The advertisements reflect 1890s consumer goods and patent medicines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
- LIFE: PAT SeWGORS AT Nill F all the deadly things that war Against our peace and kill us, The worst and deadliest foe by far, As proved by the researches of ‘scientific men in Germany, France, and several towns in Michigan, who have made the matter a study, and found out by experimenting with guinea pigs and other cheap animals how to cure almost anything except warts and catarh, Is merely a bacillus, Chicago Tribune. PResipent Boarb oF PoLice ComsissioneRs: We are sorry to say, O'Hoolohan, that you are discharged from the force. O'HOOLAHAN : An‘ fer phwat cause, yer honor ? Presipent : A jewelry store was burglarized in your district. you meet a man on your beat last night ? O'Hootanan: Yis, your honor.” I met a man an’ he said, said he, he was going to open a jewelry sture. Presipent : He did open a jewelry store and stole $5,000 worth of goods. Did Young Americans Who do not wish to lose their hair before they are forty, must begin to look after their scalps before they aretwenty.—W. ¥. Medical Record. REVENT O'HootaHaN : The man may have been a thafe, but he was no liar,—The Jewelers Circular, MAGISTRATE (fc frisoner): You are found guilty of meeting the plaintiff in a lonely street, knocking him down, and robbing him of everything except a valuable gold watch which he had with him, What have you to say ? PRISONER: Had he a gold watch with him at the time ? Certainly. Then I put in a plea of insanity.—From the French, De Ketcuum: Heard the news at the club? No, what is it ? De KetcHum :” Old Fuse has given up smoking. HIsMARK : Actually ? De Ketcnum: Yes, he was visiting some granite quarries, and he accidentally dropped his cigar ashes into a keg of blasting powder.— New York Ledger. Jack WITHERSPOON: Really, Miss Rosebudde, I don’t know when I have had an hour pass so quickly. Miss Rosesuppe: Well, I suppose not, since you have only been here twenty minutes.—Princeton Tiger. Maup: Oh, I'm invited to the Wayups’ ball; but I don't know what in the world to wear. What would you wear if you had my com- plexion ? Miticent; A thick veil.—Boston Courier. OAKLEY’S Handkerchief Extracts BALDNESS Dermatologiststell us that: The chief requirement of the hair is cleanliness— thorough shamj ing for women once a fortnight, and for men once a week, and that the best agent for the purpose is PACKER’S TAR SOAP. One of Nature's Remedies, and the IDEAL TOILET SOAP. = HELIO-VIOLET sacxer powner- For Sale by all Dealers. COPVRIGEYED. CELEBRATED HATS, AD Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets and The Dunlap Sitk Umbrella. 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. sad and a3 Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK, Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. $4 Agencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 188%. SWIFT CYCLES. USE. => “Bwitt™ by a Send for Catalogue. COVENTRY MACHINISTS’ CO., c. 11 & 18 Madison St., Chicago, IN, We have the most practical Ladies’ Safety made. Piso's Remody for Catarrh is the Best, Easiest to Use, and Cheapest. CATARRH Sold by druggists or sent by mail. Wo. E.T. Hazeitine, Warren, Pa ARE OF ACKNOWLEDGED SUPERIORITY Vo, Yy . OAKLEY’S Queen Cologne. THIS LABEL IS ON THE BEST RIBBON MADE. LATEST SHADES ax NEWEST STY Sold by dealer in Fine Goods. Manufactured by JOSEPH LOTH & CO. New York. comicbooks:com