Life — March 19, 1891 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOLl > LIFE: a = arn 1 PAT SeIGGORS AT NLL HE great men are all dropping out, And dying by the score, And we're not feeling very well And our throat is awful sore.—Dansville Breeze. A guick-wittED and daring Western lawyer once saved a guilty client from sure convictiny on a charge of poisoning. It was proved that the poisoning had ben done by means of certain cakes, a portion of which was produced in court. When the counsel for the prisoner had finished his speech, he said : “And these, gentlemen of the jury, are some of the alleged poisoned cakes. We declare to you, gentlemen of the jury, that these are not poisoned cakes. They are as harmless cakes as ever were made, and in order, gentlemen of the jury, to show you that these cakes are not poi- soned, | will eat one of them right here in your presence.” And he did eat one. He took good care, however, to leave the room at the earliest opportunity, and to make a bee-line for an adjoin- ing room, where he had an emetic in readiness and an antidote. But the jury never heard about the emetic or the antidote until the lawyer's client had been acquitted. —Argonaut. Commopore Davinson's greatest enjoyment was story-telling. One of his pet stories was about a pilot who had been discharged {rom an opposition line because he had run his boat upon a snag and sunk her. When the fellow came to the Commodore for employment he seemed to be rather proud that he had struck the snag. **T don’t want pilots who run upon snags,” said the Commodore. ‘* Of course, you don’t, I wouldn't if | were in your place,” said the applicant.‘ That's why I think you ought to hire me.” “ But do you strike saags >” ‘I used to, Commodore, but I don't now. I've been running on snags in this river off and on now for fifteen years, and I've hit every one of ‘em, every blamed one of ‘em, Commodore. But I never hit the same one twice, so I'm the safest man you can get now." ‘The Commodore used also to tell a companion to this one. about another man who came to him to get a place as pilot. * Do you know the river ?” the Commodore asked. Yes, sir.” Know where the snags are, do you ?” “No, sir; I don't,” “Then how in the world do you expect to handle a boat safely ?” “Well, Commodore, I know where the snags ain’t, and that's where I always run my boat."—Analostan Magazine. It was Sie makes me very tired.” “Over what?” “Her having got engaged. ‘There are 00.000 men in this city, and out of them’ 499,999 don’t bother themselves at all about her. One does. I don't see what there is to grow proud of."—Philadelphis MACKINTOSH STEAMER Rucs, CoaTS, CLOAKS AND CAPS, in varied colors and patterns, and at popular prices. HODCMAN RUBBER COMPANY, MANUFACTURERS, 459. £461 Broadway, | 21 West 28d St., Cor. Grand Street. | Adj. Fifth Ave. Hotel 27 Maiden Lane, cor. Nassau St., NEW YORK. HINTS ABOUT MEN’S DRESS. — BY A— NEW YORK CLUBMAN. A useful manual, especially for young men de. sirous of dressing economically and yet accordin ¢ to the eanons of good taste. Por sale by all book sellers, or the publishers will mail direct un receipt of price, 30 cents. D. APPLETON & CO. 1,845 Bond Mteeet, + NE 178 & 180 Fifth Avent Ci? CELEBRATED HATS, —anD— Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets and The Dunlap Si!k Umbrella. bet, 22d and a3d Sts., and 18: Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. €W- Agencies in all Principal Cities, Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 189. Qawrorp SHOE Crosse & Blackwell's FRESH FRUIT JAMS Madefrom English Fresh Fruits _] PENNSYLVANIA TOURS! TO THE GOLDEN GATE, affording a visit of THREE WEEKS in CALIFORNIA. THE TOURISTS TRAVEL BY A SUPERBLY APPOINTED TRAIN Of Pullman, Vestibule Drawing-Room, Sleeping, ‘Smoking and Library, Dining ‘and ‘Observation Cars— an exact Oounterpart of the Pennsylvania Limited FEBRUARY 7th, 1891. MARCH 34, 1891. MARCH 26th, 1891. APRIL 14th, 1891. inn Ti including all travel- Excursion Ticket S, ing expenses and astenance en route in both directions and side trips to San Diego, Riverside, Pasadena, Santa Baroaza, Monterey and San Jose (Mt, Hamilton), from New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington. $275.00 FOR THE FIRST, SECOND, AND THIRD, AND $300.00'FOR THE FOURTH. Toarlat Agent azd Chaperen Accompany the Party For itinerary containing full information, ad- dress GEO W. BOYD, Assistant General Passen- ger Agent, Philadelphia, Pa. CHAS, E. PUGH, General Manager. DATES OF STARTING J. R. WOOD, Gen't Passenger Agent. THE ROSY FRESHNESS And a velvety softness of the skin are in- variably obtained by those who use Pozzo- ni's Complexion Powders. AND REFINED SUCAR ARE SOLD BY ALL GROCERS IN THE UNITED STATES. OUR CENTENNIAL EXHIBIT. DECORATION Furniture Currains. (33 FIFTH AVE. NEW YORK. comicbooks.com