Life — February 5, 1891 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~ Mr. Georce ILEs tells a story of the three graces that a Canadian parson pronounced at his table last holiday time. Some one had given him a turkey with all the * fixings,” and over the first dinner the grace began with the words: ‘* Most bountiful Jehovah.” The next day there was very little turkey left, and the parson said: ‘For what we are about to enjoy, we thank Thee,” etc. On the third day the turkey’s remains looked like the keel and ribs of a ship just begun. Over that the parson said: ''O Lord, we endeavor always to be grateful ; Johnny, pass the potatoes.""—Argonaut, Cotonet X. was a South Carolinian, whose capacity in pints was (shares than his ability indollars, For years he had been in the daily abit of visiting the little village store and of going directly to the jug that held the whiskey and drinking a liberal portion without the prelim- inary of pouring it into a glass. One day the store-keeper turned just in time to see the colonel replacing the jug from which he had taken his customary deepdraught. He grew white and stiff, for the jugs had in someway become displaced, and the one which the colonel had calmly set back was the one which held the village supply of sulphuric acid, The colonel walked out of the store without remark, and the store- keeper waited in terror to hear the news of his horrible death. None came, and the store-keeper marveled much. But the next morning, at 89 his usual hour, in walked the colonel, rosy and cheerful as usual “ Mornin’, Jones,” he said, as he made directly for the jug, “this new whiskey of yours has a queer flavor, but I don't object to i ‘+ Has it disagreed with you in any way ?” asked the amazed Jones. ‘Disagreed with me? Why, no. But there is one peculiar thing I've noticed. Ever since I drank it yesterday I've seemed to blow holes in my pocket-handkerchief."—Argonaut, ‘+I every house, Miss Powelson,” said young Mr. Haybenshaw, with some agitation, ** there is a spare room. It is kept for the use of some honored guest. In every heart too"—and he laid his hand im- pulsively on his own—' there is a spare room—"" “And we find one, too, in so many heads!" she murmured. “Miss Powelson—Irene!" the young man exclaimed, choking down alarge and expansive lump of rising sighs, ‘'in my heart there isa spare room sacredly set apart for you——" “Only one, Mr. Haybenshaw ?” she asked dreamily. “ Do not mock me, Irene Powelson! It shall be a whole suite if you like. More than that! You shall have the entire premises if you'll only say so, and if that isn't enough, we'll tear down and build bigger.” “This spare room—this suite of ‘rooms, Arthur,” said the maiden softly, that you are speaking of—how—thow are they furnished ?" “In first-class modern style, Irene,” replied the young man, with a business-like ring in his voice.’ ‘* Uncle Bullion died last week.” “Say no more, Arthur,” whispered the lovely girl as she pillowed her rich blonde head on the young man’s heart and listened to the wild thump! thump! that resounded through its spare chambers, “I'll take them."—Chicago Tribune. Waterproof Outfits FOR COACHMEN, OF DOUBLE TEXTURE. CASHMERE, in colors to match the livery ; also COATS and HAT COV- ERS, with plain black or white rubber surface, WATERPROOF HORSE COVERS of every description. HODCMAN RUBBER COMPANY, MANUFACTURERS, BROADWAY, 21 West 23d St., Cor, Grand Street. | Adj. Fifth Ave. Hotel. NEW YORK. D. APPLETON & CO’S NEW BOOKS. A WASHINGTON BIBLE OLASS. 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