Life — January 29, 1891 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LE Es; “You clai ‘es, sir.” Can you prove it 2” “Yes, sir.” “How?” “By producing the plaintiff in court and letting the jury look at her."—Exchange. that you were insane wnen you proposed to her?” Tue following are samples of the replies received by the Superii tendent of the Census to his requests for statistics concerning our min- ing industries : : “In answer to your questions, I would say that, so far as I know, the mine of which I have the honor to be sole owner has never produced a red cent, although three former owners committed suicide after vain endeavors to make the d—d thing pay. In order to avoid a similar fate L have secured a flattering position as chief bar-tender and concocter of liquid delights in Billy ‘Scott's popular Art Gallery and Gambling Palace. If you ever come out this way, hunt me up. I'll give you the d—d mine.” “Only the Almighty can get any silver out of my mine. It has all characteristics of a silver bonanza—except the silver. However, I hope 75 to strike the vein some day, and, in the meantime, may I strike you for the loan of five dollars?” “The name of my mine is ‘U. B. Damned,’ and all I can say to your questions as to its value isto repeat the name. The only things I have got from said mine are a sore back, a sour temper, and fifteen hundred dollars' worth of debts. If you know any misguided man who would like a mine free of charge, refer him tome. 1 will give him one- half of the *U. B. Damned,’ and for your trouble I will’ make you a present of the other half." ‘The superintendent is ded drunk, he allaysis, the secretary is in jale for assott and battery on the ondersigned. I am sick in Bed frum the Eflecks, and a go to hell feeling hangs aroun this shanty. good uy.” Iy the time of the Second Empire, there had been, at Compiggne, a great and elegant hunting-party, with a tremendous massacre of hates and pheasants and other game. Standing in chosen spots, the emperor and his followers had the game driven up before them, and had nothing to do but shoot it down, These high-born hunters had but to Soop to pick up the game that they shot ; but they did not even do as muc as that. Their valets, dressed in’ picturesque costumes, went about picking up their game for them. As the hunters returned after the day's sport, it was noticed that Prosper Merimée, who was one of the party, was the only one whose servant was not laden with game. He was left completely in the lurch, as it were, without having taken as much asa sparrow. ‘Well, well!" his literary fellows exclaimed ; “how did they manage to get away from you?" ‘* When game isso plenty as that,” said Merimée, gravely, ‘‘the merit of a marksman lies in hitting nothing. So I fired between the birds."— Argonaut, Young Americans Who do not wish to lose their hair before they are forty, must begin to look after their scalps before they are twenty, —A. Y. Medical Record. Gy REVENT } BALDNESS OAKLEY’S Handkerchief Extracts ARE OF Dermatologiststell usthat: The chief requirement of the hair is cleanliness—thorough shampoo- ing for women once a fortnight, and for menonce a week, and that the best agent for the purpose is PACKER'S TAR SOAP. One of Nature's Remedies, and the IDEAL TOILET SOAP. ° HELIO-VIOLET sacter. iT For Sale by all Dealers. CELEBRATED HATS, —AND— Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets and The Dantap Silk Umbrella. 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. 224 and a3d Ste., and 18: Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK, Palmer House, Chicago, 914 Chestnut St., Phila. $a Acencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 18%. MOST COMPLEXION Powders have a vulgar glare, but Pozzoni’s is a true beautifier, whose effects are lasting. MERICAN cCommrmieen CG Ta DO YOU ACKNOWLEDGED SUPERIORITY. 7) 0 Oy day OAKLEY’S Queen Cologne. CORRESPOND ? If you desire to be in good form in your correspondence, use only the fine writing papers manufactured by the Whiting Paper Company. the uses of polite society. and all the fashionable tints United States, You will find them to be the best for all Made im rough and smooth finish, Sold by all dealers in the New York Offices, 150 and 152 Duane St. comicbooks.com