Life — July 31, 1890 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE-: 55 T J21GGORS AT NvLLy IN WHICH THE MINISTER ALWAYS WINS. MARRIAGE is alottery, so "ts sid, So ministers, who loving couples wed, Are guilty, itis very plain to see, Of showing favor to a lottery.—Boston Courter. Hoon used to tell a story of a hypochondriac who was in the habit, two or three times a week, of believing himself dying. On a certain was taken ill with one of his terrors while riding out in his ppening at the time to see in the road ahead his family cian riding in his carriage in the same direction, he applied the to his horse to overtake the old doctor as soon as he possibly could. ‘The doctor, however, seeing him coming, applied the whip to his own ‘Tiere is a lawyer with an office in one of the large buildings down town who is famous among his friends as a man who never loses his temper or allows his language to stray from the path of propriety. He was desperately busy the other day when a female book canvasser en- tered his private off and as she advanced from the door announced her mission, “1 should like to show you a very valuable work,” ** Madam,” said the counselor, as he rose from his chair, ** you must excuse me. Lam very sorry, but at present Iam engaged. Evidently the agent had heard something of the kind before, for she didn’t pause in her progress toward the lawyer's desk. Madam,” he repeated, * I am engaged at present. Still the agent came on. “Madam,” cried the lawyer in desperation, ‘1 am engaged—and if you don't go away you will force me to be what I have never been be- fore—guilty of rudeness to a woman.” That settled the agent. Probably the very vagueness of the threat helped to set her to retreat: But like a true woman she had the last word—and several of them—just as she vanished through the door. she began, horse and as he had a nag that was considered a * goer,” But the h: fast borse, finally came alongside of the doctor, a Tam dyin $0 fast."—Argonant, close time of it for about three miles. it, doctor, pull up—pull up instantly. cried the doctor; “I never saw any one going they had a ndriac, driving a “7 ain't a woman,” she said, “I'm a lady."—New York Sun, A TAIN Western Legislature remodelled so many of the old laws, that it issaid one member has gone so far as to draft a bill to amend Sunburn Chafing, Ivy Poisoning, Bites & Stings, Prickly Heat, And Irritations of the Skin com- mon in Summer are speedily relieved by Packer’s Tar Soap. the Ten Commandments.—Light. De NUAD a C 0 zh 5-28 CELEBRATED HATS, —AnD— Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets and The Dunlap Silk Umbrella. 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. 224 and 23d Sts., and 18: Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phita. $B Agencies in all Principal Cities, Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 1889. Helio-Violet REcisteRcy, UNPBORG., Saehet Powder For Perfuming Clothing, Handkerchiefs, Gioves, Stationery, Laces, Draperies, shionable form ow in use etc., is the most fi of Perfume ny FOR SALE EVERY WHERE, Stamp for Sample to LADD & COFFID PERFUMERY, 24 Danctay Staext, New Vout. HAVE YOU TRIED THE SPENCERIAN STEEL PENS? Samples will be sent on application if this paper is mentioned. THE SPENCERIAN PEN CO., 810 BROADWAY, N.Y. SoME time before 1870, a gentleman, in the midst of a squabble at a place of public enter- tainment in Vienna, exclaimed : * Nonsense, the emperor is an ass.” He was forthwith taken into custody, and when brought before the “beak,” the latter addressed him as fol- lows : ** The witnesses have clearly proved that you cailed the emperor an ass, Have you any- thing to say in your defense PRISONER : Certainly. 1 meant the Emperor Napoleon, JUNGE: ‘That is an idle subterfuge. Every- body knowsthat Napoleon isan intelligent man, We know you meant His Majesty, the Emperor of Austria: — Argonaut, OAKLEY'S California Violets. ESSENCE OF } CALIFORNIX ! VIOLETS — fos THE OAKLEY SOAP & PERFUMERY COMPANY: NEW YORK ~ ca FOR SALE EVERYWHERE, Base HAIR. We will mail goods to re- liable parties throughout the United States for ap- proval. The newest styles and best of goodsat lowest prices. No money required until they are received. No obligation to keep goods if unsatisfactory + Send forcirculars. JOHN MEDINA, 463 Washington Street, - Besten, Mate, comicbooks.com