Life — May 1, 1890 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: FARIS MT LL FRANKLIN MURPHY brought sympathetic tears to the eyes of his bearers at the dinner of the Leather Manufacturers’ Association, by re- lating a story of benevolence. A friend of his, he said, was walking down to business one morning, when he saw a young woman with a baby in her arms sitting ona church step and weeping. The man, whom Mr. Murphy called Jones, was touched by her apparent distress and ask- ed ber what was the cause of it. *"I walked into town,” she replied, “to have my baby baptized, and now it will cost me $3 to have the service performed. 1 haven't the ney and I don't know what to do.” ++ Well, that's a small matter,” said Jones. ‘I haven't $3in change, but here's a ten-dollar bill. Take it and I will wait here for the change.” The woman returned in a short time and handed Jones $7. He pat- ted the child's head and went downtown, rejoicing in his own goodness. He felt good all that day and his countenance shone with an unusual brightness. His associates all noticed the change and finally one of them asked him the cause of it. “1am happier than usual to-day,” said Jones, ** and the reason of it is that I did three good things on my way down town this morning.” He related the occurrence and wound up by saying : . in fer it, ain't 1 261 THe phosphate beds produce lots of funny instances. A tall, lank cracker entered a chemist’s office the other day with a handkerchief full of rock and sand, and in a husky and excited whisper said: ** Mister, be you alone ?" “Yes, sir.” ** Can I lock this door ?” “Yes, if you wish to.” After locking the door and seeing that no one was hiding anywhere, the cracker slowly undid his handkerchief and handed some rocks to the chemist for his inspection and asked: ** What do you think of that?” The chemist carefully examined it and said: ‘I donot think much of it,” at the same time ring some acid on it which caused it to effer- vesce like a sedlitz powder. CRACKER : What does that show ? Cuemist: That'shows it is a first-class sample of lime, with no bone phosphate about it. CRACKER; Boss, are you sure about the stuff? Cuemist : Yes, very sure. CRACKER (with a long drawn breath: Vell, I've married a widder with a hill plump full of ‘fat stuff, an‘ | thought it was phosphate. I'm Good-by.—Gatnesville Advocate, MAN ENTERS NEWSPAPER OFFICE, EDITOR LOOKS UP IN ALARM. “My dear sir,” says the visitor, ‘1 have a bench warrant for your arrest.” Eprtor: Thank God, it is no worse ! Pick Me Up. I though you had a poem !— “So I performed a deed of charity, started a little child on its way to Paradise, and got seven good dollars for a counterfeit ten-dollar bill. — Newark Journal. Frienp: You have five daughters. Have you never wished for a son MOTHER : Often, even if he were only a son-in-law.— 7% Fits. 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