Life — March 13, 1890 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE T SEG9ORS AT WVLLy “Ir ain't ev'rybody I'd put to sleep in this room,” said old Mrs. Jinks to the fastidious and extremely nervous young minister who was spending a night in B—, at her house. “This here room is full of sacred associations to me,” she went on; ‘my first husband died in that bed with his head on these very pillars, and poor Mr, Jinks died settio’ right in that corner, Some- times when I come into the room in the dark I think I see him settin’ there still. “ My own father died layin’ right on that lounge under the winder. Poor pal He was a Speeritualist, and he allus said he'd appear in this room after he died, and somtimes I'm foolish enough to look for him. If you should see anything of him to-night, you'd better not tell me; for it'd be a sign to me that there was something in Speer- itualism, and I'd hate to think that, “*My'son by my first man fell dead of heart disease right where you stand. He was a doctor, and ther's two whole skeletons in that closet that belonged to him, and half a dozen skulls in that lower drawer, “Well, good night, and pleasant dreams."— Pick-Me-Up. “On, Lord! how you made me jump!” as the grasshopper re- marked when he was first created.—//arvard Lampoon. “GENTLEMEN of the jury,” said the Arizona judge, “if you find from the testimony that the prisoner (who, I understand, intends to set up a free lunch at the conclusion of this trial) really stole the barrel of ten-year-old whisky (which it appears in evidence he ex- pected to open at his saloon’ this afternoon), you will bring i in a ver- Sict of guilly. Otherwise, gentlemen, you wil acquit him.” In precisely two minutes and eleven seconds the jury were getting acquainted with the contents of that barrel.—Chicago Tribune. Pouite Beat: Can't you accommodate me with three dollars ? Banker: Man alive! you make me nervous. Why do you always ask for three dollars, instead of asking for one dollar or two dollars? Potte Beat: Mr. Moneybags, if you think you understand the begging business better than I do, just you beg for awhile and let me be banker.— Texas Siftings. ‘ ETHEL,” he whispered hoarsely, ‘is it true? Tell me, darling, itis not true.” “Is what true?" cried the girl, throwing her whole being into the words. ** That you took the first prize in Miss Pardongha’s cooking class!" ‘And the cry of agony that came from the girl's pent-up soul showed him that what she had dreaded had come to pass—that he knew her secret. With a pitying glance at her prostrate, sobbing form, Sigismund walked out into the soughing night, and was never heard of again.— Chicago Figaro. Fine Complexion. “I am perfectly delighted with Packer's Tar Soap. I have used less than two cakes and my skin has be- come so soft and fine already that I can well hope for a complete restora- tion of the fine complexion I thought lost. I find the soap most refresh- A Itttle accident which has occurred millions of times, and which happens now and then in every house. CELEBRATED HATS, ing and delicious for the bath. It —aND— gives one such a sense of exquisite cleanliness after its use.” ¢ # # tract from a recent letter.) And The Dunlap Ladies’ Round Hat 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. sd & 23d Sts. and Bonnets THE ‘wtre..| ANTI-KUM-OFF and 18 Broadway, near Cortlandt St, Packer's Tar S0aD)|rmztenciae Ios (a Agencies in all Is sold by Druggists, 25 cents per cake. 914 Chestnut St., Phila ‘WOIDCW SHADE FASTENERS Prevent all such accidents, Principal Citie: Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 1889, and sell bills of Kx- LObteLs ange 2a tnd make cable transfers of money to Eu of ustralia, and the West In- also make Collections Commercial and Credit. inci * Brown Brothers & Co., Bankers, 59 Wall St. DECORATION PERFUMES EDENIA and Mail Phetons Preach Se Dog carts Stanhopes , with pole (si double and triple) Spider Phetons 1e-0-Vis (33 FIFTH AVE. .. peta F, French & (Co Beiter ‘Order them on all new shades, They only cost a trifle. FOR SALE BY ALL DEALERS. ‘TuE Parenson NOVELTY MANUPACTUKING COMPANY, Sole Manufacturers, Patergon, N. J. ETHEL: Do you really say that when Char- ley proposed he didn’t go down on his knees ? EVELYN: No, he didn't; I was on his knees. Furnitur Curtains Cabriole da reake Game Carts Russian Surreys Wagonettes French Victorias Breaks (uimtTeD), AMERICAN REPRESENTATIVES OF MILLION, GUIET & CO., PARIS. Bhetons de Dames Meadowbrook comicbooks.com