Life — January 30, 1890 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

7 §AK6ORS AT WLLs NOT WANTED. LOVED her deeply—praised her eyes, Compared her cheek unto the rose— But she, alas, my would-be prize, Would give me nothing but her noes. —Lancaster Life. Mr. Gumpy: What is the matter with you, Miss Alice? Did some one kiss you while we were going through the tunnel ? Atice: No; and that's just what's the matter with me. I'm blushing to think how unattractive I must be getting. That's the first tunnel I've come out of unkissed since I was fourteen years old. ‘They say the road is full of tunnels, too. Oh dear, what a trial this day will be !— 7exas Si/tings. Actor: How is this? My bill is just twice as much as you said it would be. Horet CuerK: I believe you said you were an actor, and upon these representations I gave you a reduced rate. AcTOR: Well? HOTEL CLERK: Well, I attended the performance last night and I_am convinced that you are no actor. Nine dollars, please.— Rochester Post-Express. 69 Aw advertisement in a city paper reads : “Wanted: a girl to sew on pants.” There may be a man here and there who is willing to have his pants ‘sewed on,” but he must have a deuced bother getting them off when he is in'a hurry to get into bed. Is there a famine in the button market that pants should be sewed on ?—Norristown Herald, Tue lawyer had been badgering the witness for some time and finally asked ; “Was any member of your family ever hung ?” “Yes, sir.” “Ah, ha! I thought as much. Now, sir, who was it?” + Myself.” “Yourself! Do you mean to say that you have been hung and are alive to tell of it?” “Yes, sir.” “Come, now, no trifling! Tell the jury what you were hung for, and how you happen to be alive to-day.” “Well, sir, a man was killed, and I was suspected of having com- mitted the crime. A mob took me out, put a rope around my neck, and had just hauled me up to the limb of a tree, when some one in the crowd shouted that the murdered man had been a lawyer. They could'nt cut me down quick enough! I was filled up with the best whisky the place afforded and given a banquet, as the greatest pub- lic benefactor in the history of the town,"—S¢, Louts Life. Briccs: Wonder what possessed him to jump into the river? Bragos: There was a woman at the bottom of it, I believe.— Terre Haute Express. Have you used Packer's Tar Soap for the Complexion, or Shampooing P Its use is a luxury; imparting clear, soft, smooth, healthful skin and vigorous hair; cures Dandruff and Skin Diseases prevents Chapping. 25 cents. All Druggists. PARIS BEPOSITION, 1889. THE HIGHEST AWARD (THE COLD MEDAL) For Furs and For Garments COxvEiGoTED, CELEBRATED HATS, —aND— Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets And The Dunlap Silk Umbrella, 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. sod & a3d Sts. and 18 Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. 9% Chestnut St., Phila, (87 Agencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, Pi is Exposition, 1889. We buy and sell bills of & Letters ange ta tod mate cable of jers of money to Euro} Australia, and the West dies; also make Collect issue Commercial and and Credit. Ince ® Brown Brothers & Co., Bankers, 59 Wall St. PERFUMES EDENIA Goya Lily. nothing equal to it, FOR BEAUTY For comfort, for improvement of the com- plexion, use only Pozzoni's Powder ; there is| GEO. MATHER’S SONS RINTING INK DECORATION Furniture Curraine WAS RECEIVED BY A. JAECKEL, Furrier, 11 East (9th St., cear Broadway. 1SC FISCH 2230) ALL STYLES. MUDERATE PRICES, TO RENT, INSTALMENTS, AND EXCHANGED, 5th Ave.,cor.16th St., N.Y. (33 FIFTH AVE. NEW YORK 60 JOHN STREET, N. Y, THIS PAPER IS PRINTED WITH OUR SPECIAL - LIFE - INK. comicbooks.com