Life — December 26, 1889 — page 51: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AMERICAN MILLIONAIRE (/ort- une duilt om soap): So, Prince, you want my daughter's hand in marriage ? Fortion Prince: Yaw, dot is so. MILLIONAIRE: Have you got a scrofulous taint, have you been leading an utterly disreputable life, and tio you really owe two millions? PRINCE: I haf all dose to proof my noble birth. MILLIONAIRE: Take her, then, and receive my blessing. Heaven bless you, my children !—7exas Stftings. Scexe—A country residence. Two burglars discovered at work. “Wot I do with this burglar alarm, Bill—take it along ?” asks burglar number one. SEconD BURGLAR: Yes; slip in the bag; we can get some- thing for it. Exchange. OLD JOKER (reading from pro- gramme): The role has been taken by Miss Janetta Siddoni at five hours’ notice. Well, she may have taken the rdle, but I'm hanged if she takes the cake, any- how I—The Stage. Mr, Youncnuspann : Did you go to see that pony that was ad- vertised as used to carry a child ? Mus. Youncuusnaxp: No, dear, You said you wanted a sound animal, and this was ad- vertised as ‘well broken."— Harper's Bazar, “Tne Prince of Wales is a very brave man. He is said to be afraid of but one thing.” ** What's that?” “That he'll die before his mother."— Puck, DECORATE YOUR HOMES GOOD PICTURES are the best of all decorations, the best presents, and, alas, often the most expensive to get. But this is an age of progress, Are you familiar with THE nest lithographic work of to-day? If not, send me 30 CENTS ONLY and 1 will send you any one of the following really admirable COLORED REPRODUCTIONS of the work of the following representative American Artists, and a CATALOGUE illus- trated with over 75 such miniature cuts as the one here shown. Way MORNIN’ I MEETS 'IM BY AXIDENT W'E AND YET HE DON'T TAKE NO NOTICE O' ME, Wactir SATTERLee. 12219 SMOPEAW .OLUL., A QUIET NOOK, LANDSCAPE IN OILS. z *qo124s a1048 ,,"9W ‘yDeIg NessED>SIM,, “A Quiet Nook," land *The Spinner,” figure, : inches, Price, 30 cents. 2 § Or any one of these three beautiful floral water-color subjects: PANSIES'; RED AND YELLOW CHRYSANTHEMUMS; WATER LILIES. In fruit pieces: PEACHES AND PEARS, or LEMONS, both strong oil studies. These are printed on heavy paper in from ten to twenty colors, and need but a simple frame to make really satisfactory wall decorations. They are the colored supplements of that best of Art and Home papers, THE ART INTER- CHANGE, which publishes twenty-six interesting illustrated numbers, gives twenty-six large decorative design supplements, and also twenty-six large and beau- tiful fac-simile colored plates (sold singly at 30 cents each) FOR ONLY $4.00 A YEAR. TRIAL SUBSCRIPTION, 3 MONTHS, 6 numbers, 6 supplements and 6 colored plates, for ONLY $1.25. Established 11 -ears, For sale by all news- Cealers. Call on or address WILLIAM WHITLOCK, Pustisuer, 37 West, TWeNTY-seconp Sr., N.Y. \ Tilly: Wo KIN HE BE, I WONDER—SO PROUD AN’ SO 'AUGHTY ? 1 "AVE THE CHILDERN HOUT FER ER WALK, (After a pause): A terrerble 7 TAKES PERSESSION O' ME—f'r'afs he thinks I'm married! Fair Moon, to thee I sing, Light of my housebold beaven ! Say, why is all thy hair ‘anished at thirty-seven? Hevery HOUGHT Bosra ay stl w ‘He (about to light his cigar): I-know you don't object to my smoking, Mrs. Weeds, for I've been told your late husband was an inveterate smoker. Sue: He smoked himself to death. (Musingly.) 1 wonder if he’s smoking yet.—Syracuse Chit-Chat, Purrer: What did you come back from Texas for, Tufler? Turrer: Had bronchitis ; too much bronco—got hoarse.—Har- vard Lampoon. A.: So that is your wife? Splendid woman! You ought to be proud. B.: So lam—only she isa bit thoughtless. For instance, I sent her to town the other day with a heap of money to buy me a dozen shirts, and what do you think she brought home ?—a new bonnet !—Charivart. “Cay you furnish bail in the sum of $200?" was asked of a prisoner in the poli. court the other day. “Yes, suppose I could, but “Who will go on your bond?” “Twas going to say that the President of the United States would probably be only too glad to, but I hate to bother him with such atrifle, Ti" “Get some one else?” “No, I'll go to jail. This is Mr. Harrison's busy day, and I don’t want to disturb him."—De- troit Free Press, Mistress (to applicant for cook's position): Why did you leave your last place ? | ‘AppLicant : You are very in- quisitive, marm, I didn't ax yer what for yer last cook left you.— Texas Siftings. Vas thy. Bree wife the cause? For, had she been inventive She'd known that Packer's good Tar Soap Is baldness’ sure preventive. comicbooks.com