Life — September 5, 1889 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE 139 Raitway OFFiciaL: M'sieu, your valet has been run over and cut into a dozen pieces! Laxcuip ENGLISHMAN: Haw ! Be good enough, please, to brin, the piece that—haw !—contains the key of my hat-box—haw !—Hal/- Holiday. HE: The waters of Lake Ontario have almost been m; since I could pullan oar or manage a sail. I sometimes feel have derived part of my nature from them. SHE (newly arrived from England): Indeed! lake, is it not?—Grip. T §66ORS AT NL UOTH a sad young physician named Procter, As he sealed to his grocer a letter, “It sometimes occurs I'm his Di But oftener still I'm his D home that 1 It is a fresh-water CAaLtno is about to get married, 1s one of his political campaigns, Governor Brough was pitted fy My dear, do you snore?” his sweetheart asked him the other against Corwin. the course of his speech the governor said: ‘Gentlemen, my honored opponent himself, while he preaches en- couragement of home industry, has a carriage at home which he got in England—had it shipped across the ocean to him. How is that for supporting home industry and labor?” When Corwin’s turn came, he began slowly and in a stammering, confused manner, as if he felt himself in a very embarrassing predicament. ‘Well, gentle-’ men,” he said, ‘you have heard what my friend, Mr. Brough, has to say of my carriage. I plead guilty to the charges, and have only two Ey $ to say it my defense. The first is, that the carriage came to eee an English ancestor as an heirloom, and I had to take it; the second is, that I have not used it for seven years, and it has been standing in my back-yard all that time, and the chickens have con- veried it into a roost. Now, gentlemen, that is all the defense I have Never, my sweet!” But how do you know ?” ‘1 once kept awake all night to make sure."—Le Figaro, SwaLt Boy: Papa, has plums sat legs? Papa: No, you silly boy. Why ? SMALL Boy: Then blessed if I haven't swallowed a beetle.—Picd Me Up. Guest: The roast turkey is splendid, madam, Huswaxp: Yes, but then our cook is expecting her sweetheart here this afternoon.—Dor/barbier. to offer : but before i go on with what I have to say upon the topics before us, I should like to ask how Brough happens to know anything about my carriage, unless he has been visiting my chicken roost ?"— Argonaut, Por: Look this way, please. Sitter: Not much, I won't. VED COUNTRY PHOTOGRAPHER (about to remove the cap): I wouldn't look like that in a pic- ture fer nothin'.—Light, A Renewable Term Policy THE PROVIDENT SAVINGS LIFE ASSURANCE SOCIETY OF NEW YORK, HOME OFFICE, Equitable Building, No. 120 Broadway, Is the safest, least expensive and fairest contract of life insurance in the market. One-half the rates usually charged. SHEPPARD HOMANS, President and Actuary. WM. E, STEVENS, Secretary. Send for Prospectus or callin person. JOHN PATTERSON & CO. TAILORS & IMPORTERS PATTERSON BUILDING, Nos, 25 and 27 West 26th Street, NEW YORK. DECORATION Furniture Curtains (33 FIFTH AVE. MEW YORK CELEBRATED HATS AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 78 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St., NEW YORK, Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. Letters dies; also make Collections of and | isoue Commercial and Credit. insite Brown Brothers & Co., Bankers, 59 Wall St. 1H Rev, Dr, Suttun once said tu the late Mr, Peech, a veterinary surgeon, ‘+ Mr. Peech, how is it that you have not called upon me for your account ?” “Oh,” said Mr. Peech, “I never ask a gen- tleman for money.” ** Indeed,” said the vicar, * then how do you get on if he doesn’t pay ?” “Why,” replied Mr. Peech, “after acertain time I conclude that he is not a gentleman, and then I ask chanee. Metcalf's Sachet Powders are invaluable for perfuming Dainty We buy and sell Bins of change on and make cable transfers of money to Europe Australia, and the West Ta: gloves, handkerchiefs, clothing, /stationery, and furniture with a grateful, lasting fragrance. A sample glass jar of Violettey Heliotrope, or Jockey Club by return mail for 25c. T. METCALF & CO. 39 Tremont St, Boston. E. FOUGERA ‘alt Co. New Yore. Bold vy all Droggists, SECOND EDITION Now Reapy! The Last American. By J. A. MITCHELL. (RDITOR oF “LirR.”) “* A fragment from the Journal of Khan- li, Prince of Dimph-yoo-Chur and Admiral in the Persian Navy.” An amusing and satirical account of the adventures of a party of Persian explorers among the ruins of America, in the year 29st A. D. With numerous clever illustrations by the author. Well printed on good paper, and bound in dark blue cloth stamped in inks and golds with design representing the ruins of ‘ew York City, as seen from its harbor by moonlight. 16mo, $1.00, ‘* One of the brightest things of the sort that has appeared for many a day. . The illustrations are as witty as the text” —Boston BEAcon, Published by F. A. STOKES & BRO., 182 Fifth Avenue, NEW YORK. GEO. MATHER’S SONS RINTING INK 60 JOHN STREET, N. Y. THIS PAPER IS PRINTED WITH OUR SPECIAL - LIFE - INK, comicbooks.com