Life — August 22, 1889 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Wuat a beautiful new boat!" exclaimed Miss Ethel at Long Branch as the yacht Pysche shot past the wharf, “Yes,” replied her uncle, from St. Louis; ‘* but isn't thata funny way to spell Fish ?"—/udge. Carrain: Sergeant, note down Private Grasgriin—three days on bread and water for slovenly turn-out on parade. SERGEANT: Beg pardon, Captain, that won't make the slightest difference to him — he's a vegetarian! Capratn; What? Then put him for three days on meat and soup!— Humoristiche Blatter. FATHER: My son, you must not dispute with your mother in that way. Boy : But she’s in the wrong. FaTHer: That makes no difference; and you might as well learn, my child, once for all, that when a lady says a thing is so, it is so, even if it isn't so! — Pick-Me-Up, HE was very fond of making speeches, and as he went unsteadily homeward from a convivial gathering his hat fell of; steadying him- self, he was heard to solemnly address it thus : ; i Listen, blackguard! fT pick you up 1 shall fall; if T fall you will not pick me up. Consequently I abandon you!"— Wasp. A Renewable Term Policy THE PROVIDENT SAVINGS LIFE ASSURANCE SOCIETY OF NEW YORK, HOME OFFICE, 111 Why, Victor, are you not ashamed to kill a poor little > ; Well, you see, cousin, I thought it would do to put on E: Ah! soit would; it is the same shade of grey !— Petit Rouennais. in‘t it most watahmillum time, mammy ?” Watahmillum time, yo’ brack idjit, 'n sun-down two hour off zits don’ yo" know yo! father berry "tickier wen he picks 'millums? Vatermilium’s nebber no good foah dark, no how !"— Times, At the Thousand Islands, at dinner one day, Daniel W. Powers and his friends were discussing the merits of different species of game. One preferred convas-back ducks, another woodeock, and still another thought a quail the most delicious article of food. ‘The discussion and the dinner ended at about the same time. "Well, Frank,” said Dan, turning to the waiter at his elbow, who was as good a listener as he was a waiter, ‘* what kind of game do you like best?” “Well, Massa Powers, to tell you the trufe almost any kind of game'll suit me, but what I likes best is an American Eagle served On a silver dollar.” He got it.—Rochester Budget. When General Grant was in Japan the Japanese Premier, desir- ing to compliment the General by telling him that he was born to command, tried in English with this result: ‘Sire, brave General, you vas made to order.” Iv is the skirt of a lady's ball dress that costs; tte corsage doesn't come high.— Boston Courier. SECOND EbDITION Now Reaoy! The Last American. By J. A. MITCHELL, (evitox oF “1ivE.") Equitable Building, No. 120 Broadway, Is the safest, least expensive and fairest contract of life insurance in the market. One-half the rates usually charged. SHEPPARD HOMANS, President and Actuary. WM. E. STEVENS, Secretary. Send for Prospectus or call in person. |Hellotrope or White Rose sample of Metcalf's unsurpassed Sachet, all Powders on receipt of 25c. All the most desirable scents,with all the delicacy, purity and fresh- YI ness of nature's flowers, g |_ = "Sold by ali Dragetote LOWNEYS T. METCALF & CO. . Main 39 Tremont St. Boston. PACKAGESBrE xpress Retaic BRANCH, 45 west 67..8B05TON. CELEBRATED HATS and LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St., NEW YORK. Palmer Hovse, Chicago. 914 Chestaut St., Phila. “Tl witt be frank and truthful with you, my darling,” said George Himself, tenderly, ‘as I always intend to be after we are mar- ried. You are not beautiful, but you have more good sense than all the pretty girls I know put together.” “And I, too, will be frank and truthful,” replied Amanda Herself, for it was she. **You don’t know as much as a last year's bird's nest, but you have a larger mouth and keep it open longer at a time than any man Lever saw.” She smiled like an angel when she ceased to speak, and somhow George Himself began to wonder whether this frank- ing privilege couldn't be carried to excess. — Burdette. “* A fragment from the Journal of Khan- li, Prince of Dimph-yoo-Chur and Admiral in the Persian Navy.” An amusing and satirical account of the adventures of a party of Persian explorers among the ruins of America, in the year 2951 A. D. With numerous clever illustrations by the author, Well printed on good paper, and bound in dark blue cloth stamped in inks and gold, with design representing the ruins of New York City, as seen from its harbor by moonlight. 16mo, $1.00. "* One of the brightest things of the sort that has appeared he manya day, . . . The illustrations are as witty as the text," —Boston Beacon, ARE YOU GOING TO BE MARRIED? Tell your engraver you want Whiting’s No, 1 Extra paper used in your invitations. Are you going to give a Reception? Use “ Whiting’s Angora” for your announcements. comicbooks.com