Life, 1889-05-16 · page 12 of 18
Life — May 16, 1889 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Life Magazine Page 290: Multiple Satirical Sketches This page contains five unrelated comic sketches mocking various social situations: **"Where Economy Is Not Wealth"**: A couple celebrates free theater tickets, though the husband had to pay dearly (champagne and cigars) to obtain them—satirizing false economy. **"A Foregone Conclusion"**: Young professionals (doctor and lawyer) cynically discuss exploiting clients—the doctor will send patients to the lawyer for will-drawing, implying mutual financial benefit. **"Officer Muldoon" sketch**: A street vendor is arrested for selling cocktails without a liquor license, reflecting Prohibition-era enforcement. **"Competitive Drawing in Arizona Schools"**: A dialect-heavy romantic/gambling scene showing rural or frontier courtship customs, ending when a card game winner is threatened at gunpoint. **"No Time to Lose"**: An editor admits his paper's enormous circulation exists only because he personally folds and mails each copy—absurdist humor about inefficiency. The sketches use various accents and caricatures (Irish officer, rural Southwestern dialect) typical of early 20th-century American humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
* LIFE: WHERE ECONOMY IS NOT WEALTH. IFE (whose husband has been presented with two tickets to the theatre): How delightful it is, John, to witness a play when the tickets have cost you nothing! It adds so much to the enjoyment. HUSBAND (who put up two bottles of cham- pagne and the cigars): Ya'as, very! \ \~ A FOREGONE CONCLUSION. \ gx YOUNG DOCTOR: Well, I’ve got a case Pa at last. . 7 YOUNG LAWYER: Glad to hear it. When you get him to the point where he wants a will drawn, telephone over. Officer Muldoon: COME ON WID YER! Vendor of Peacock Feathers: WHAT FER? Officer Muldoon: FER SELLIN’ COCKTAILS WID- OUT’R LICKER LICENSE. T is asserted upon authority that the pres- ent Emperor of Germany orders his own roasts. Verily, the power of Bismarck is on the wane! COMPETITIVE DRAWING. IN‘ THE ARIZONA SCHOOLS. HICH'LL I merry? Aw, leggo, now! “ Hefto choose?” But I cain't, I say! Like yo’ both, but I jes’ dunno now Which V'd cotton-to thet-away. OMEBODY asks, “Why don’t our young men come to the front?” Because the bald-headed men get the seats first. “Sot on settlin’ it "fore yo’r dinner?” “Wot'd I say to a poker-game— Show-down—me to go to the winner?” I'm agreeable, ef yo’re the same. “LI I deal?” In course I will, mos’ cheerful. Pete, yo’ shufile; Hank, cut f’r luck. Thar's yo'r pasteboards—discard keerful— Half a minute we'll see who's stuck. Yer, yo’ Pete, et's yo'r firs’ say-so— How many keerds yo’ goin’ to draw? Four? Now, et takes a gall to play so! Yo’ mus’ think luck is yo’rn by law! Wal, ef thet Pete hain’t drawed four aces! Sort o’ looks like ez ef he'd won— Ex-cuse me/ This pot’s Hank Casey’s, Seein’ ez Hank hez drawed—his gun / Chas. F. Lummis, NO TIME TO LOSE. UBSCRIBER (fo edttor): Has your paper a large circulation, Mr. Shears ? Ep1ToR: Enormous! Flathers: Wuat's THE MATTHER, MRS, DUFFY—YEz SEEM OUT 0! SOR-RTS ? SUBSCRIBER: Why don't you swear to the Mrs, Duffy: AN’ ENOUGH TO MAKE ME. DUFFY'S GONE OFF ON A DRUNK circulation? AND HE'LL BE BATIN’ THE LOIFE OUT OF SOME WAN ELSE, IT's THE FIRST EpiTor: Because it’s all I can do to fold TOIME SINCE OUR MARRIAGE HE NEGLECTED ME! and mail it. CAUSE FOR GRIEVANCE, comicbooks.com