Life — April 25, 1889 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*> LIFE: FAT SINSORS AT NvLLy THE GOAT IN HARNESS AGAIN. (After Tennyson.) OWN in the cellar, dark, remote, Where alien cats your larder note— In solemn grandeur stands the goat. Without he hears the whining storm, And feels the draughts about him swarm — He eats the coal to keep him warm. — Puck, “TALK about wives,” said Farmer Hawbuck. ‘I’ve got one wife ina million. Why, she gets up in the mornin’, milks 17 cows and gets breakfast for 20 hard-workin’ men before six o'clock, by gum.” “She must be a very robust woman, Hawbuck,” remarked one of his hearers. “On the contrairy," put in the farmer, “she is pale and delikit- like. Gosh, ef that woman was strong I dunno what work she couldn't do."— Harper's Weekly. FaTHER: You girls should fix your minds on something higher than dress. ONE OF THE GrRLS: That is what we have, pa. We have got our minds fixed ona couple of lovely high hats down at Mrs, Feather's millinery rooms.— London Tid-Bits. JaNrTOR: Have you any children, sir? Mr. Kippy: Yes; three. JaniToR : I can’t let you have this flat, then. Mr. Kipsy: But my children are all married. JaNrTOR : It doesn't make no difference. Mr. Kippy: They live in Chicago. JANITOR: Can't help it, sir; the owner says he won't rent to no- body who has children, under no circumstances.— Puck, PATIENT Man : Suppose a woman makesit so hot for her husband that he can’t live with her, and he leaves her, what can she do? LAWYER: Sue him for support. PATIENT MAN: Suppose she hasrun him so heavily into debt that he can’t support her, because his creditors grab every dollar as quick as he gets it, besides ruining his business with their suits ? Lawyer: If for any reason whatever he fail to pay her the amount ordered, he will be sent to jail for contempt of court. PATIENT Man: Suppose she drives him out of the house with a flat-iron, and he’s afraid to go back ? Lawyer: She can arrest him for desertion. PATIENT MAN: Well, I don’t see anything for me to do but go hang myself. Lawyer: It’s against the law to commit suicide, and if you get caught attempting it you'll be fined and imprisoned. Ten dollars, please. Good-day.— New York Weekly. KENTUCKY CONSTITUENT: How d'ye do, Senator. Can’t you get me a clerkship under the new Administration ? Senator: I'mafraid not, Major. The fact is, you look too seedy. KENTUCKY ConsTITUENT: Then maybe I'd fit somewhere in the Agricultural Department. COPVRIGHTED. EXPOSITION! HE CHEQUE BANK issues Cheques, either singly or put up in Books, for the special use of VISITORS to the PARIS EXPOSITION, who can cash the same at upwards of seventy Banking Houses, situated in different parts of Paris, without charge. CELEBRATED HATS [*\visitors' mail matter can be addressed to Hair Packer's Tar Soap used as a Sham- oo will work wonders in curing andruff and Itching, and preventing Baldness. 25 cents. Druggists. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., Palmer House, Chicago. Walter M. ecceesor” (hoCOLAtRS se» MAIL in Elegant Metal Boxes $1.00 per Pound. Larger Packages by Express. PERFUMES EDENIA and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St., NEW YORK. Retail Branch, 45 West St., Boston AND them, care of the Société Générale, 4 Place LADIES’ ROUND HATS. de l'Opera, opposite the Grand Hotel, where English is spoken. Every Cheque that is issued by the Cheque Bank is EQUAL TO CASH, as Bank Notes are, for the Bank’s Capital, Guaran- tee Fund and Customers’ Balances are invested in British Government Securities, or held in Cash in the Bank of England, and can be cashed in every town in Europe without charge. For Handbook containing list of 2,500 Banking Houses who cash the cheques free of charge, and list of 250 of the principal hotels in Europe who accept them, apply to agents of CHEQUE BANK,. Limited, CAPITAL, £100,000. __ GUARANTEE FUND, £27,000. Bon-Bons TRUSTEES: «) The Right Honorable John Bright, M.P. The Right Honorable Earl Beauchamp. E. J. MATHEWS & CO., Bankers, No. 2 Wall Street, New York. bet. 22d & 23d Sts., 914 Chestnut St., Phila. Lowney’s World. and 5 = C.C.BRIGGS &¢ 7 APPLETON ST. BOSTON MASS, MANUFACTURERS OF GRAND: -SQUARE--6--UPRIGHT GRACEFUL DESIGNS SOLID (]NSTRUCTION « MATHLESS TONE -+ BEAUTIFUL FINISH. 1 | Procurable Everywhere. ae, =< o m comicbooks.com