Life — January 3, 1889 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: FIER AT LL JOHN, OR JAMES? NE is warm as the tropic sun, one cold as the polar sea. To which of them shall be passed the bun, whose shall the har- vest be ? Each has large and glittering claims, and now expects his fee; Each is well up in sinful games, and dear to the G. O. P. Gentle James like a poultice draws, his handshake stirs and thrills, Yet his heart is not on his sleeve for daws to peck at with their bills. To him the people stand anigh, he doesn’t put on frills ; And every time he winks his eye he gives the Mugwumps chills. Honest John is calm and cold, not to say glum and grim, But he's full of sense as he can hold, and there are no flies on him. He's shifty just a bit, perhaps, he likes to turn and trim, But his party hasn't many chaps that have his strength and vim, —Sun. Ditapipatep Lawyer: How much will you advance on this law book ? PAWNBROKER : I von’t advance noddings on a single pook, Ven you vants some advances on a whole liprary, den perhaps I vill talk peeshness mit you. 5 “Well, this is my whole library."—7exas Si/tings. 13 AN Alabama man, charged with stealing a calf, made the follow- ing statement : ‘I was always teached to be honest, an’ most always have been, but when I seed that calf I caved. I never wanted a calf so bad in all my life, an’ you all know that when a man wants a calf he wants him.” The jury returned the following verdict : “We, this jury, air sat- isfied that Steve stole that calf, but, as the feller that owned the ani- mal is considerable of a slouch, we-agree to clear Steve an’ make the slouch pay the costs."—At/anta Constitution. Pept: Mama, may I say something ? Mama: You know the rule is that you must not speak at the table. Pept; But may I say just one word ? Mama: No, Pepi; but when papa has finished the paper then you may speak. (Papa finally lays the paper on the table.) Mama: Now, Pepi, what did you wish to say ? Pept: I wanted to tell you that the water is running over the tub onto the floor, in the bath-room.—Fiiegende Blatter, CHARLES MATHEWS once told a story of the ‘Boots” at a country hotel where he was staying, asking to be paid for going to the theatre. Mathews, struck with the fellow’s civility, gave him an order for the play. ‘‘Come and see the piece, Tom," said Mathews. “At the theatre 2” “Yes,” said Mathews; “here is an order for you,” day Mathews said: “ Well, Tom, did you like the play ?” ‘Oh, yes,” said the Boots, in a dubious kind of way; ‘but who's to pay me for my time ?”—Piiladelphia Stage. WIFE (fo husband) : John, what are you going to give your uncle for a Christmas present ? Huspanp: My watch. The next Dr. D. G. Brinton, Philadelphia, says : “After trying any number of soaps, we have settled down on Packer’s Tar Soap as the best of all, whether as a toilet or a sur- gical soap. It is remarkably pure, cleansing, and healing; it is excellent in a large variety of skin diseases, among which we particularly name seborrhea of the scalp, dandruff, chafing, and itching, all of them very common and very obstinate. It contains the] CR] EBRATED HAT Ss balsamic virtues of the pine in a high degree, and is soft and refreshing to the skin.” — Vide Medical and Surgical Reporter, Phila. “LIFE” BINDER. Cheap, Strong and Durable. Will hold 26 Numbers. Mailed to any part of the United States for $1.00, postage free. Address, OFFICE OF “LIFE, 28 West 23d Street, New York. Palmer House, Chicago. JOHN PATTERSON & CO., Tailors and Importers, AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St., NEW YORK, STERN BROTHERS Direct attention to their extremely large _assort- ments of French hand- made Satin, Coutille and Sateen CORSETS. Controlling for years the best and most desirable shapes of several of the leading French Manufac- turers, we are in position to offer styles and shapes superior to those of any other establishment, and at very much lower prices, gr4 Chestnut St., Phila, Patterson Building, PERFUMES EDENIA oya Lily. Nos. 25 and 27 W. 26th St., NEW YORK. 32 to 36 West 23d St. AND 23 to 35 West 22d St Rigas PIANOS SY. Gl &Ce 5 APPLETONET SSTON MASE, MANUFACTURERS OF GRACEFUL DESIGNS -* SOLID GNSTRUCTION MATCHLESS TONE +. BEAUTIFUL FINISH, *;