Life — October 4, 1888 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: T JeG§ORS AT NvLLy SAD WASTE OF TIME. HERE was a man who had a clock, His name was Matthew Meares, He wound it nicely every day, For many, many years : At last his precious timepiece proved An eight-day clock to be, And a madder*man than Mr. Meares I would not wish to see. —Jeweler’s Weekly. Mrs. VeNEERING DE PuvstEr (in bric-a-brac store, to daughter) : ‘There is an elegant vase, Clara, and it's marked only sixty dollars. I think I will take it. ( 70 clerk) — What is your lowest price on this vase, sir? CLERK : Sisty cents, madam. Davauter : Come on, ma.— Texas Siftings. Dry-coops CLERK (40 beautiful customer): ‘ Excuse me, but are you not Miss Smith 2” Customer (/rigidly) : That is my name, sir. CLERK: You were at Saratoga in August ? CusTOMER (Aauteur increasing): Yes, sir—I will take twelve yards of this piece. CLERK : Cash !— Epoch, 195 Orr the stage as wellas on Mr, Warren won the affection of those with whom he came in contact. Not a few stories are told of him which show him in the pleasant light of a genial and kindly gentleman, and often as a witty one. His retort to a lady who remonstrated with him for not going more into society is worth recording : Why should I go about ?” Mr. Warren demanded.‘ Because everybody wants to meet you,” was the reply. ‘If you would only give us a chance we should be delighted to lionize you.” ‘*Oh, well,” returned the comedian, ‘*it's much’ better as it is: I never knew of but one man who was not spoiled by being lionized.” ‘* Who was that ?" she asked. ‘ The prophet Daniel."— Providence Journal. On this particular occasion Bill Nye was so very charming that he outdid all his previous records. It was, therefore, in a spirit of sin- cere admiration, seasoned, perhaps, with a sense of gratitude, that one of the guests turned to Bill's little daughter and remarked: “Your papa’s a real funoy man, isn't he?” The sweet child suspended active business relations with the pie long enough to answer: ‘* Yes, papa is always funny when we have comp'ny."— Chicago News. “ How are you getting along with the experimental farm ?” asked a member of the board of regents, of a Western agricultural college, of the president of the institution, ‘* First-rate,” replied the president, *t wheat all killed up and calves taught to drink sour milk, 1'm having trouble with some of the stu- dents, however. They claim that it is too hard work for them to dig the great holes necessary in planting the pumpkins.” ‘* Fire 'em out, Professor, fire 'em out!" returnedthe Regent. ‘If they kick on that, what will they do next fall when they have to dig the pumpkins with maybe fifteen or twenty in a hill!"— 7ime, The Best!) STEEL PENS IN THE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES OF DURABILITY, EVENNESS OF POINTS AND WORKMANSHIP. SOLD BY Stationers and Notion Dealers Everywhere Toucan Iiveat home and make more money at work for us ve tn the world. Elther sex: all ages. Coste Address, TALE & CO., Augusta, Maloe. LADIES’ Palmer House, Chicago. PERFUMES EDENIA Goya Lily. _—~ CELEBRATED HATS AND ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St., NEW YORK. “LIFE” BINDER, CHEAP, STRONG AND Wit! hold 26 Numbers, Mailed to any part ofthe Unitea States for $1.00, postage free. ~ ANNOUNCEMENT. JRRAKAUER, LADIES’ TAILOR, 19 East 21st St., N. Y. ad door East from Broadway. With a view of advancing the very liberal patronage accorded to my Specialty, I would inform patrons and the discriminating classes, that on return from my annual visit to the most noted European Centres of Fashion and Marts of Choicest Goods, I am now prepared fo show designs and models in Wraps, Gowns, Jackets and styles which cannot be out- matched by any one in my line. THE blood isthe regulator, Regulate the Regulator with Warner's Log Cabin Sarsa- parila. It cures all impurities. It is the largest bottle in the market—120 doses for $1." Your druggist sells it. Buy it for your family's benefit as well as your own, 914 Chestaut St., Phila. DURABLE, Address: OFFICE OF “LIFE,” ur aiDER a8 W. 23d Street, New York. PIANOS é CC.BRIGGS &C2 5 APPLETON ST. BOSTON MANUFACTURERS OF GRAND: SQUARE: :6--UPRIGHT GRACFUL DESIGNS ++ SOLD (ONSTRUCTION MAT(HLESS TONE - + BEAUTIFUL FINISH, comicbooks.com