Life — May 31, 1888 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: SISSORS AT NvLLy THE REASON. Y OY say you wonder why A clever man like I ‘Am unlucky ? I tried to run a—well, A temperance hotel In Kentucky. —Mocking-Bird, Puysician's WIFE: Are your affairs in bad shape, John ? Puysician : Yes, but I hope to pull through. My creditors have extended my paper to the middle of the watermelon season.— Epoch. Mississippi editors are overworked. The other day a molder of public opinion in that State wrote a column editorial in support of the Mills Free-trade bill, drank a pint of whiskey, and-killed the editor of a ‘vile aad. slimy contemporary” before. noon, and he didn’t begin work until 8.30 A.M., ‘‘nuther.”—Worristown Herald. It was in a Boston private school of fashionable repute, and the class of young ladies who had been studying the history and the Con- stitution of the United States were under examination. ‘‘ How is law made?” said the instructor. ‘ Oh,” said a tailor-made damsel, cheerfully, ‘‘ the Senate has to ratify it and then the President has to veto it !"—Boston Beacon, 315 Miss Vassar (just graduated with high honors) : | declare it’s too provoking. Here we've been out three days, and watched and watched, and haven’t seen one yet. THE Doctor (gaé/antly): it is too bad. Now just tell me what you are looking for, Miss Vassar. ‘Why the lines of latitude and longitude, to be sure. I have always wondered how the ships got over them—or is it under them— it is very puzzling.”—Hotel Matt, “(Dr. HAMMOND says that death is not a necessity.” “Does he? Well, I have just finished settling up Harkins’ estate, you know, and judging from the undertaker’s bill 1 paid, I'm pre- pared to agree with him. It’s a luxury.”—7id-Bits. A GENIUS has invented a clock which he warrants to run a hun- dred years, A man bought one of them the other day, on condition that if it didn’t run over o8 years, he might return it and get his money back.—Norristown Herald, Ir is a sweet, revengful thought that when waiters sit down to eat they have to be waited on by some of the other waiters.— Wash- ington Critic. To our conundrum ‘‘If a man and a half throw a bootjack and a half at a cat and a half under his window and a half every night and a half, how many will he kill in a week ?” the Boston Globe answers : “As many as Mr. Blaine will get elected.” That is the right answer. But how did you guess it ?—Buffalo Express. IraTe Captain: Confound you! If you hadn't been so terribly careless, we'd have made another run. Why in thunder were you caught napping at third ? ; : CHARLIE FRESHLEIGH, ’9t : Forgive me, Captain, forgive me: I was dreaming of home.—Harvard Lampoon. EVERY ONE SHOULD TRY AND ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK, LADIES’ 12 Selected Samples for trial, post-paid, on receipt of ten cents, Ask for Perry's Planished Pens, IVISON, BLAKEMAN & CO., 75>* ‘Youcan liveat home and make more money at wor for us h than at anything e've in the world. Either sex lyoutfit FREE. Terms FREs. Address, TRUE & CO.cA\ 155 BROADWAY, zw YORK, Pile i & Cologne: LUNDBORG’s PERFUMES make appro- ‘AJ priate and acceptable gifts. They are put up in neat attractive of various styles, and are for sale by all dealers. LADD & COFFIN, PROPRIETORS AND MANUFACTURERS, %4 BARCLAY STREET, NEW YORK. Palmer House. Chicago. LADIES’ TAILOR, 19 East 24st Street, ANNUAL SPRING EXHIBIT PLEASURE CARRIAGES, Use: of Highest Grade Pleasure Vehicles are invited to view our display for the present season, em- bracing many novelties in design and finish for TOWN AND COUNTRY DRIVING. Every carriage, in its smallest de- tail, built on the premises under our personal supervision. BREWSTER & CO. (OF BROOME STREET), BROADWAY, 47th to 48th STS. Only Place of Busines 914 Chestnut St., Phila. NEW YORK, AND Bellevue Avenue, NEWPORT, Invites inspection of his fresh Importations RHENISH for SUMMER WEAR, Selected forhighest-class requirements. Riding-Habit Skirt, Cuton entirely new prin- ciples, is exceptionally neat, close-fitting, grace- ful and comfortable. - RL, LADIES | Xece your shoes looking clean. ® newand natural. Raven Gloss. will do it. It contains oil and may be applied every day, if desired, without the slightest injury to the leather. Is economical and the best. Allow no sub— stituting. For sale everywhere. BUTTON & OTTLEY, Mfrs., 71 Barclay St., N. Y. CANDY by Mail.—Send $1.00 for box of delicious ‘Chocolate Cream Drops, Caramels, or verv fine Mixed Candy. PECK & CO., 33 Water St., N. Y. My new comicbooks.com