Life — April 12, 1888 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE MATHEMATICAL. (A fact.) ISITOR : Well, my little man, have you any brothers ? Freppy : Yes, I’have one, but my sister Stella has /wo, Visiror: Why, how can that be? FREDDY (i some astonishment): Me and my little brother, of course !—Grip. Artist : What is the finest picture of still life you have ever seen ? Cicaco GirL: St. Louis.—Duluth Paragrapher. DuDELY VANDERCLAM: Mith Bondclipper, I weally believe it ith the mission of woman to make fools of uth'men. Miss BONDCLIPPER : Yes, and you have no idea, Mr, Vander- clam, how vexed we are to find that nature has so often forestalled us,— New York Mocking-Bird. ““Dip you ever go tobogganing, Mr. Winterwheat ?” ‘“No,’ said the old man, ‘but I once stepped into the elevator well and fell down four stories in three-tenths of a second. That is fast enough for me; I’m getting too old for much excitement.” — Burdette. AN esteemed contemporary suggests that it would be a grandly effective piece of magnanimity if Germany were to hand back Alsace and Lorraine to France. So it would. We strongly commend our brother to put a blue-pencil mark around the idea, and forward a 215 First Lapy: Has your husband quit smoking yet ? SECOND Lavy (just returned from the far West): Well, he ought to by this time; be’s been dead six months.— Washington Critic. RECENT CONVERT: If a man does me an injury I suppose I ought to reward him, oughtn’t I? Goop Pastor: It would show the right spirit. ‘Making him a little present would do, wouldn't it?” “That would certainly heap coals of fire on his head.” “Suppose instead of a man it’s an animal ?” “It should make no difference.” “Well, your dog has been snapping at me every time I pass, and this morning I made him a present of something we've valued for many years. It’s a tin kettle. You'll find him somewhere in the next county.”— Omaha World, Race Horse: What a humdrum life you carriage horses lead! Why I am greeted by cheers whenever I appear, and my pedigree has been printed in all the papers. CARRIAGE Horse: Pooh! Any fool of a horse with long enough legs can run fast. My glory is not in my speed but in my brains. “Brains, eh?” “Yes, I've been driven by a woman for five years, and haven't let her run me into anything yet.”— Omaha World. “I atways liked the Episcopal religion best,” said Bill, as he eyed a pretty girl with her morocco-bound prayer-book in the horse- car. “If you are an Episcopalian, you get credit for going to church not only while you are there, but ail the way going and all the way home."—Somerville Journal. ALGERNON: Why, Charley, you seem to have a good appetite this morning. Been taking any exercise ? CHaRLEY: Yaz, deah bhoy, twied on four new coats this mawn- copy of the paper to Mr. Bismarck.—Zoronto Grip. ing !— Judge. Packer’s Tar Soap | Will Cure Dandruff. FACT! STERN BROS. Sole Retailers of the celebrated ALEXANDRE KID AND SUEDE, GLOVES (formerly sold by A. T. Stewart & Co), in ali the most desirable STYLES, LENGTHs AND COLORS. Spring Importations now open. 32 TO 36 WEST 23D STREET AND 23 to 35 WEST 22D STREET. 0 COPYRIGHTED. CELEBRATED HATS AND ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila, LADIES' A Dining Car Line to the Pacific Coast. The completion of the all rail line known as the “Shasta Route,” between Portland, Ore., and San Francisco, Cal., gives the transcontinental traveler an opportunity’ to patronize the famous dining car and Yellowstone Park Route, The Northern Pacific Railroad. While the Northern Pacific has long been the favorite line to Fargo, Moorehead, Grand Forks, Fergus Falls, Helena, ‘Butte, Portland, Ore., Vic. toria, B.C., and the only rail route to Jamestown, Bismarck, Miles City, the Yellowstone Park, Boze- man, Spokane Falls,'‘Tacoma, Seattle, and many other prominent Western points, it is only recently that rates between the East and $an Francisco were made the same by this route as by the older lines. On application to any agent of the Northern Pacific, yournearest ticket agent, or Charles S. Fee, General assenger and Ticket Agent, N. PR. R., St. Paul, Minn., you will receive, free of charge, Illustrated ‘Tourists’ Books, Yellowstone Park Folders, Time Tables, Rates, and general information with re- ference to the country traversed by the Northern Pacific Railroad. People of refined taste de- siring specially fine Cigarettes should use our Satin, Four in Hand, Athletic and Cupid. A8 Straight Cut, Hand Made, N from the best Virginia and Tare leaf, less Tobacco Works, Established 1846, 14 Prize Medals W. S. Kimball & Co Rochester,N.Y. ANNUAL SPRING EXHIBIT —or— PLEASURE CARRIAGES. SERS of Highest Grade Pleasure Vehicles are invited to view our display for the present season, em- bracing many novelties in design and finish for TOWN AND COUNTRY DRIVING. Every carriage, in its smallest de- tail, built on the premises under our personal supervision. |BREWSTER & CO. (OF BROOME STREET), BROADWAY, 47th to 48th STS. Only Place of Business. BEST FOR LADIES’ An oil dressing. Preserves leather. Ts Natural finish, not varnish. Economical. substituting. For sale everywhere. Button & Orrtey, M'f'rs, 71 Barclay St., New York. USE. Allow no. SiS ST ee nse Card Wor Sane 1s 94i% HIDDEN NAMECARDS, worn oie s comicbooks.com