Life — March 22, 1888 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE AT JeIS§ORS AT NvLLy A THOUGHTFUL CATERER. CUSTOMER (af railroad restaurant): Here, boss, this coffee is cold. PROPRIETOR : Yes, sir; you see the train stops only a few minutes, an’ if the coffee was hot you wouldn't have time to drink it.—Zpoch. “What can you tell me about Esau ?” queried the pedagogue. “Esau,” responded the youth, with the glib alacrity uf one who feels himself, for once, on safe ground, ** Esau was a writer of fables, who sold his copyright for a botile of potash."—Albany Express. A CALAMITY, Wire: It would be an awful thing if that ceiling at Albany should fall, John. Huspanp (something of a lobbyist): Yes; particularly if it should fall at night when the place is empty.—Z och. GRAMMAR WAS HIS STRONG POINT. JusTICE OF PEACE: Had you ever saw this man before ? Witness: Yes. “Had he came before you had went ?” “No 5 them your eggs what you say was stole?” ** Yes: “Would you have recognized them if you had seen them before they was brung here?” ““Yes; 1 would have knowed them.” “Speak grammatic, young man! It ain't proper to say ‘have knowed ;’ you should say ‘have knew.’ — Philadelphia Call, 171 DovGias JERROLD was once asked by an intolerable bore, who affected to be a poet of the Milton school, whether he had read his “Decent Into Hell.” ‘No, sir,” responded the irate wit, “but I should like to see it."—Ex. Tey have a way out in Kansas of bringing to time unruly members of the legislature. Mr. Funstan, member of the committee on agriculture, was late at a committee meeting, and the chairman fined him six cans of corn.—Commercial Advertiser. As Artemus Ward was once traveling in the cars, dreading to be bored, and feeling miserable, a man approached him, sat down and said: * Did you hear the last thing on Horace Greeley ?” “Greeley ? Greeley?” said Artemus. ‘Horace Greeley? Who is he?” The man was quiet about five minutes. Pretty soon he said : “ George Francis Train is kicking up a good deal of a row over in England ; do you think they will put him in a bastile ?” “Train ? Train ? George Francis Train ?" said Artemus, solemnly. “*T never heard of him.” This ignorance kept the man quiet for fifteen minutes; then he said : “What do you think about General Grant's chances for the presi- dency? Do you think they will run him i i “Grant ? Grant ? Hang it, man,” said Artemus, “you appear to know more strangers than any man I ever saw." The man was furious. He walked up the car, but at last came back and said: ** You confounded ignoramus : did you ever hear of Adam?” Artemus looked up and said: ‘What was his other name.”— Commercial Advertiser's Scrap Book. A worN-ouT society belle is like old maple sugar. It has a certain sweetness, but has to be laid on the shelf when the new crop comes out.—New Orleans Picayune. EVERY ONE SHOULD TRY \ COPYRIGETED. | | ANNUAL SPRING EXHIBIT —_—por— PLEASURE CARRIAGES. | [JSERS of Highest Grade Pleasure Vehicles are invited to view our | | display for the present season, em- Cc ELEBRATED HATS | bracing many novelties in design and 12 Sclected Samples for trial, post-paid, on receipt of tencents, Ask for Perry’s Planished Pens. WISON, BLAKEMAN & CO., 79 °55/'vone"*"* LADIES' AND | finish for Se ae | TOWN AND COUNTRY DRIVING. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. Every carriage, in its smallest de- tail, built on the premises under our personal supervision. 914 Chestnut St., Phila, EDENIA Luitbnce . il RHEENISH Fe Colloque: LUXDBoke’s PERFUMES make appro- priate and acceptable gifts, They are put up in neat attractive packages of various styles, and are for sale by all dealers, LADD & COFFIN, PROPRIETORS AND. MANUFACTURERS, 24 BARCLAY STREET, NEW YORK. JOHN PATTERSON & CO., Tailors and Importers, Patterson Building, Nos. 25 and 27 W. 26th St., AS2qg GUL OAV SNdd T4aL NVIda Nad |BREWSTER & CO. (OF BROOME STREET), BROADWAY, 47th to 48th STS. Only Place of Business. ~. RAVEN * GLOSS _ SINAN EE PENCERIAN TEEL PENS Are The Best NEW YORK. comicbooks.com