Life — March 1, 1888 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

H, the Ram it is the symbol of the merry month of Mars, Depicted in a rampant state upon the calendars ; But March is such a freakish month, we think, if put to vote, The people would dethrone the ram and substitute the goat. * * * IFE joins in the petition to the Fifth Avenue Stage Company not to run its stages on Sunday. We beg to add an amendment that the company do not run its stages on other days until it obtains such vehicles as will permit a person wearing a high silk hat to give his seat to a lady with- out submitting his head-gear to _ everlasting destruction. * * * THE DOG SHOW. NCH SHOWS are not wildly interest- ing to the public, as a rule, but the ex- hibition of last week was a howling As far as the judgment of the experts in special lines of dog was concerned, our Dog Fancier finds him- . self in a mugwumpish frame of mind. In no case were prizes awarded to the dogs of his choice, and it must be added that jealousy has no place amongst the causes of our critic’s dissatisfaction. He had no dog on exhibition—indeed, his dog was respectfully declined by the managers three weeks before the show opened; so that the position occupied by him is simply that of a disinterested observer. The prize awarded in the Scotch Terrier Class was notice- ably at variance with our critic’s ideas. The animal that gained the medal was certainly a gentlemanly sort of person, and we have nothing at hand which shows that his morals were not all they were claimed to be; but a knowledge of the ways of Scotch Terriers, as derived by the writer from his own personal dog, go far to show that the fortunate creature was not in the truest sense of the term, a Scotch Terrier. In the first place, he had been cultivated by man. His ears had been submitted to coupon treatment, and instead of the long flow- ing tail which was his by divine right, he was followed every- where he went by a small plush stub, that was absolutely de- void of character. The critic’s own dog, in this regard, is a perfect specimen of the natural development of the species. His tail wags in graceful curves, and his ears have remained the simple, unadorned features that the brute set out tu have. success. In the French Poodle Class the Judges were equally at variance with the comfhon-sense views of the critic. There are traces of the French Poodle in the critic’s dog, and long ac- quaintance with these qualities enables him to say that a powder-puff does not grow by nature upon each of the French Poodle’s hind hips; his whiskers are not cut in Na- poleon third fashion, and the presence of a goatee on each angle of the fore knee is an affectation which finds no place in a pure-blooded Poodle of Gaul. The Dachshund award was more nearly correct, although the prize animal’s legs were not so gracefully bowed as those which might be found on the critic’s dog, if the Judges had cared to investigate him. In the competition for the prize St. Bernard, the noble animal that took the medal certainly deserved recognition, but his nocturnal yelp had not the true ring. In this respect the critic’s dog, whose maternal grandfather once saved a man from drowning in a February thaw on the Alpine pass, is un- excelled. The yelp must be heard to be appreciated, and the critic cordially invites any one of the Judges to stand in his back yard on any rainy night, and see if this yelp is not more in accordance with the true receipt for the perfect St. Ber- nard dog. Thus it was in the other classes. The Bulldog-in-chief, while he could bite a bigger hole in a canvas bag than any other dog in the competition, was sadly deficient when it came to the dissolution of a slipper, in which respect the animal to which we have already several times alluded s an expert. The Blenheim Spaniel of the Judges’ choice may have been a better specimen of his class than any animal on exhibition, but in the matter of shedding hair he was way behind our own dog, who inherits this peculiarity from a half-brother of his father, who was born within the classic shades of Marl- borough Palace. However, we must not be too severe. One first mistake has entailed numerous other mistakes. The rejection of the critic's dog was the initial error, and when we consider that Columbus was not appreciated at first; that Frank Stockton wrote stories for years without meeting his just reward, we must not be surprised if, at his first offering, so extraordinary a specimen of the Composite Pup as that belonging to the undersigned, should be rejected. Next year we shall hope for better judgment on the part of the Committee of Admissions, and when we have perfected the Calisaya Bark which we are now cultivating in our pet, the world’s ideas of dog will be entirely revolutionized. In the meantime, if any of our readers would like to have “a dog just for his keep, he may apply before May Ist to Carlyle Smith. _comicbooks.com