Life — March 1, 1888 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: 127 XC)s, CUSTOMER (to coal dealer) : 1 want to get a ton of coal. DEALER: Yes, sir; what size? CUSTOMER (fimidly): Well, if it isn't asking too much, sir, I would like a two-thousand-pound ton.—/. Y, Sux. Some acrobats are fresh, and somersault. [Circus tickets go with this.]—Puce. A HALF-WITTED fellow was traveling by railway for the first time. Having seated himself, he did not see the use of keeping a bit of cardboard, so he threw his ticket out of the window of the carriage. Consequently, at the station where the tickets were looked at, he had to pay. At his journey’s end he had to acknowledge that he had been ‘‘done.” A few weeks later some men in a railway carriage saw this same man laughing immoderately to himself in a corner of the compartment. They inquired the reason of his merriment. He replied by telling them what he had suffered on his first railway “But,” concluded he, triumphantly, ‘I’ve done ’em this ““WE wish,” says a Colorado editor, ‘to retract our statement made last week, that our esteemed fellow-citizen, Hon. Mr. Plumley, never was known to keep his promise. After reading the item in question, Mr. Plumley happened to remember that during the heat of the recent political contest he promised to kick us out of the fair grounds, and he immediately came up to the office and executed his promise. In fact, he has not only kicked us all the way out there, but kept it up most of the way back; and if he had not run out of breath, we think he would have been kicking us yet. Mr. Plumley is a gentleman of his word, cultured and polished, and can talk like an Asiatic elephant.”"—Chicago Tribune. ““THat, my dear,” young Mr. Haighcede remarked to his bride, as he pointed to the majestic form of the bronze Liberty—' that is the famous statute of Jersey lightning the World."— Puck. THERE WERE NO IRISH THEN, JuLtus Cesar (to Thractan elevator boy in the Capitol at Rome, ante kal., Aug. IV., B.C. 22); Salve, Puer, how many trips have you to-day made ? ELEVATOR PUER: Salve, Czsar, I have two hundred and fifty up made. I have the downs not counted.—Boston Courier. QUICKLY DISPOSED OF. Sr. PETER (to appticant) : You say you were an editorial writer on a New York newspaper ? APPLICANT: Yes, sir. Sr. PETER: Step into the elevator, please. APPLICANT (stepping into the elevator) : How soon does it go up ? Sr. PETER: It doesn't go up, it goes down.—Epoch. Packer’s Tar Soap Will Cure Dandruff. FACT! THE treasury department uses 18,000 towels a month and still the surplus is not wiped out.— Washington Critic. COPYRIGHTED. | CELEBRATED HATS. AND LADIES' ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. So disguised that the most delicate stomach can take it. Remarkable asa 7ELESH PRODUCER. 9x4 Chestnut St., Phila. Sudborys GEO. MATHER’S SONS RINTING INK 60 JOHN STREET, N. Y. THIS PAPER IS PRINTED WITH OUR SPECIAL : LIFE - INK. “persons gain rapidly while taking it. SCOTT'S EMULSION Isacknowledged by Physicians to be the Finest 9 acta Best proparation for tho relict of CONSUMPTION, SCROFULA,GENERAL ‘DEBILITY, WASTING DISEASES OF CHILDREN, and CHRONIC COUGHS. Axx Druaarsts. Scott. & Bowne, NewYork, EDENIA RHENISH Se Cologue: People of refined taste de- siring specially fine Cigarettes should use our Satin, Four in ty yi pana Muleacrend! Sppid. q igh ‘ut, Hand Made, R from the best Virginia and | BONBONS AND I) Turkish leaf. Peerless Tobacco Works. Established 1846. 14 Prize Medals | 863. Broadway, bet. 17th and 18th Sts., W.S. Kimball & Co Rochester,N.Y. 150 Broadway, cor. Liberty S8t., CHOCOLATES. Novelties in Fancy Baskets and Bon- bonnieres, suitable for presents, NEW YORK. LUNDBORG’S PERFUMES make. appro- AU priate and acceptable gifts. They are put up in neat attractive packages of various styles, aad are for sale by all dealers. LADD & COFFIN, PROPRIETORS AND MANUFACTJRERS, ASOg OQUL OAV SN4dd ‘14a PENCERIAN TEEL PENS Are The Best comicbooks.com