Life — January 12, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: ROM FOREIGN FIELDS. THE POPE’S JUBILEE. HE Chum to Po- tentates joined the merry band of pil- grims to Rome to cel- ebrate the Jubilee of His Holiness Leo XIII. The Pope had especially requested that the Chum put in an ap- pearance upon the festal occa- sion, as he had been assured by Her Imperious Highness Queen Victoria that no jubilee could be successful without the Chum’s pres- ence. ‘A Bull was issued, nicely bound in half-calf, stating that “ Leoninus desiderat Carlyleam Smithum showupuere ad jubi~ eum procul dubio R.S.V.P.” To this urgent request for his presence at the ceremonies the Chum replied : Ad Popem. Roma, Italia, Europa, Etcetera. Accipio cum jucunditate. P.S.—Amor ad Propaganda. ‘This reply was placed in a soldered silver ukase, built especially for it, and forwarded by special cardinal. On the way over the Chum stopped for his friends Alphonso of Spain and the Czar of Russia, and the three arrived in Rome on the eve of the Jubilee day. The Pope was delighted to receive his guests and presented them with the Freedom of the Papal Toe for two weeks. They were also put down for membership at the principaj social organizations of the Church, such as the Dorcas Society, the Home Missionary Club and the Inquisition Club. Five rooms in the Vatican, with running water, hot and cold, straight from the Papal sea, were set apart for us, and but for the Czar’s fear of dynamite and the King of Spain’s new teeth, all would have gone as merry as a marriage bell. Indeed, the yelling of-his infantile friend from Spain and the Czar’s horror of soap and other articles of a shape suggestive of bombs did much to destroy the plea- sure the Chum felt in being the guest of the Vatican. Another un- happy occurrence, which drew down the Pope's wrath upon the head of the Czar, was the insatiable appetite of the latter for candles. Alexander ate all the lights in our suite of apartments before he had been there a day, and in an early morning’s walk through St. Peter's he managed to devour every one of the tapers in the church. The Pope told the Chum later that the free luncheon proclivities of the Autocrat had added thirty per cent. to the cost of the Jubilee, and said that if he were spared to celebrate a second he would either not invite the Czar or burn castor-oil. Jubilee Day will long be remembered by the Romans—particularly those on the police force. It is estimated that fully one-tenth of the population stayed awake all day to see the grand procession, and the somnolent tramp of the Eternal City for once in his life was compelled to fall asleep somewhere else than on the public stairways. It was ten o'clock in the morning when the Pope began to swing around the circle, and for two hours he swung to and fro—toing for about three- quarters of the time and, by means of a short cut home, froing but one-quarter. A general amnesty was granted to sinners in honor of the day, and terms of time in Paradise running from one week to seven years were granted indiscriminately. The sca/a santa was thrown open to the public at six in the morning, and all who mounted it on their knees in a truly reverent spirit were given a pass into the Celestial Realms, good for a thousand years! An unpleasant incident occurred at the staircase, which greatly mortified the American visitors. An American tourist, rather short of stature, but long of bonds and railroad and telegraph companies, had hired fifteen boys to stand on the line before the stairway, and as soon ashe had mounted to the top would return and assume the place of the boy nearest the front. He kept this up for three hours, and, when discovered by the police, had se- cured thirteen thousand years’ freedom from Purgatory, to the exclu- sion of the poor but honest Neapolitans who were on the extreme end of the line and who were unable to get to the front before the doors were closed. Of course the ceremonies at St. Peter's were surpassingly grand, and the collection netted quite a nice nest-egg for the Propaganda to set on. Some vandal collector, during the excitement of the moment, managed to elope with the tomb and ashes of one of the former popes ; but, with this exception, there was nothing to mar the joyousness of the occasion. The statue of Jove, which is called St. Peter because Jupiter and the Jew Peter are closely allied in orthoepistical circles, was the object of much reverent attention, and in the course of the afternoon the left limb was kissed off as far up as the knee-pan. After the services in the church the distinguished visitors were in- vited toa grand banquet in the Vatican, but just before the soup came it was discovered that the time chosen was a fast-day, so that the diners had nothing but speeches. The Pope, however, entertained his guests so charmingly that the absence of viands was not noticeable until afterwards, when the guests were on their way home; and the speeches were so spicy and full of meat that many declared themselves quite as well satisfied as if they had been served with Blue Point oysters on toast. It was at a late hour that the seven or eight hundred guests took their leave of His Holiness, and, as it was the unanimous wish on the part of the guests to return again to Rome, the Fountain of Trevi was taken in on the way home and several millions of soldi were cast therein by the light of the moon. The Czar and the Chum returned to the fountain with a drag-net after the city was wrapped in sleep, but when they arrived they found the Pope with a diamond-studded dipper, scooping the last coin from the emerald depths. “Frigida erit dies guum simitra sum,” he remarked airily. “Plane sic!” ejaculated the British Envoy, who had come up close behind the Czar and myself. “Bene leniter riderem,” said the Czar with much feeling. As for the Chum, all he could say was : “Signor del Pope vous avez la grande tite.” Upon which the Pope winked his eye, circulated his blessing, and the Jubilee was over. Carlyle Smith, A SUGGESTION. HE Art Review has this interesting and instructive paragraph : “A bibliopogist is a bibliophile with a special regard for book- bindings, A bibliotaph is a book miser. A bibliopole is a book- seller for bibliophiles. A biblioklept is a stealer of valuable books.” We wish the 4rt Review would give us some death-dealing name for a book-borrower. How.would “' biblio-sponge” do ? comicbooks.com