Life, 1888-01-05 · page 13 of 16
Life — January 5, 1888 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# What This Page Means This is primarily a **humor and advertising page** from Life magazine. The main content consists of short jokes and anecdotes: **The Cartoons/Jokes:** - "Groping in the Dark" depicts a man who accidentally swallowed collar-buttons instead of pills—a visual gag about mistaking objects in darkness - References to Russian names so complex they'd jam telephone lines—satire on difficult-to-pronounce Russian nomenclature - A child observing a man has "three eyebrows" (one over each eye, one over his mouth)—jokes about unusual appearance - Anecdotes about rejection, tree damage, and a Lord Mayor confusing "consuls" with financial "consols" **Historical Context:** These represent typical early-1900s Life magazine humor: puns, absurdist scenarios, and gentle social observation. The Russian telephone joke reflects contemporary American attitudes toward foreign names as incomprehensibly complex. **The Rest:** The page is dominated by **period advertisements** for hair soap, champagne, watches, printing ink, and tailoring services—standard magazine filler of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIFE THE RESULT OF GROPING IN THE DARK. Sure Hello, Jones! you don't look very well this morning. Jones And I don’t feel as well as I look. Got up in the middle of the it to take some pills and swallowed four collar-buttons before I found out the mistake.—/udge. EDITOR'S SANCTUM. Conrrisutor: Here is a little article which I wish to submit to the editorial— EDITOR (with a graceful wave of the hand): Very sorry; we are full just now. ConTRIBUTOR: Very well; I will call again when some of you are sober.—Ex. A GENTLEMAN once saw a boy peeling the bark from one of his choice trees with a hatchet. The gentleman tried to catch the boy, but the latter was too quick for him, so the farmer changed his tactics. “Come here, my little son,” he said, in a soft, flute-like voice with counterfeited friendliness, ‘come here to me a minute, I want to tell you something.” ‘ Not yet,” replied the recipient, ‘little boys like me don’t need to know everything." —7exas Siftings. AN advertisement , reads—‘‘ Wanted, a young: man to be partly out of doors and partly behind the counter ; ;” and a lady has written to ask, ‘‘ What will be the result when the door slams ?”—Ex. 13 Conpuctor (to darkey with his head out of the window) : See here, Sambo, you pull your head in out of that window mighty quick ! SaMBo: Wha-wha-what’s de mattah, sir? ConpucTor: You'll knock down a bridge presently, and the company will hold me responsible.—Zpoch. The telephone, it is said, is not making much progress i And no wonder; fancy a man going to the ‘phone and yelli “Hel-lo! Isthatyou, Dvisostkivchsmartvoiczski?” “No. It’s Zollemschouskaffirnockenstifisgowoff. Who's speaking ? “*Sezimochocwiertrjuaksmzyskischokemoff. I want to know if Xliferomanskeffiskillmajuwchzvastowsksweibierski is still stopping with Dvisostkivchsmartvoiczski.” Such nomenclature over the telephone would tie the wire full of knots, and twist the enunciator all out of shape. Until the kinks are ironed out of the Russian names the telephone will not be an over- whelming success in the land of the Czar.—Calcutta Times. At a dinner at the Mansion House three foreign consuls were pre- sent whom the Lord Mayor wished to honor by drinking their healths, He accordingly directed the toast-master to announce the healths of “the three present consuls.” He however, mistaking the words, gave out the following—‘'The Lord Mayor ‘drinks the healths of the Three per cent. Consols.""—Salt Lake Gazetteer. OxsERVING LITTLE GIRL: the other side of the tram ? Mamma: I don’t know, dear. OBSERVING LITTLE GIRL: eyebrows! MamMa: How do you make that out ? OBSERVING LITTLE GIRL: He has one over each eye, and one over his mouth.—Singapore Review. Russia. Mamma, who is that young man on Why? He looks so queer. He has three bt 2. z Fy g F : Fg iB 3 3 3 a because its natural end is in BALDNESS. L i > [4 Qa r4 <q [a] CELEBRA The chief requirement of the hair is clean- | liness—thorough shampooing for women | once a fortnight, and for men once a week. The best agent for the purpose is | PACKER’S TAR SOAP. LADIES’ People of refined taste de- AND ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW VORK, Palmer House, Chicago. IKRAKAVER, LADIES’ TAILOR. SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT TO LADIES. N order to keep my skilled work- ing people fully employed, I re- new the offer which has been so popular during the past five years, | and make especial inducements at reduced prices from date to Feb- TED HATS 9t4 Chestnut St., Phila. siring specially fine Cigarettes | should use our Satin, Four in | Hand, Athletic and Cupid. Straight Cut, Hand Made, from the best Virginia and Turkish leaf. Peerless Tobacco Works. Established 1846. 14 Prize Medais W.S. Kimball & Co Rochester,N.Y. | GEO. MATHER’S SONS RINTING INK 60 JOHN STREET, N. Y. | THIS PAPER IS PRINTED WITH OUR SPECIAL - LIFE - INK. | tuary 15th next. | 19 East 241 Srreer, Second door East of Broadway, NEW YORK. THE HIGHEST GRADE CHAMPAGNE IN THE WORLD “CARTE BLANCHE,” A Magnificent Rich Wine. ACKNOWLEDGED BY CONNOISSEURS TO BE THE F! “GRAND VIN SEC,” Perfection of a Dry Wine. ‘ST CHAMPAGNE IMPORTED INTO THE UNITED STATES. FOR SALE AT THE VARIOUS CLUBS, HOTELS AND RESTAURANTS. and JEWELRY: Big line, Low Prices. 100 page Wholesale Cat- WW alogue FREE! The Domestic Wallingford, Conn. WATCHES Mfg Co., nerves, 56 CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out motes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. ST 25TH STREET, New York. For SALE sy Druccists, or Matt $1.00. comicbooks.com