Life — December 29, 1887 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RHYMES OF THE NEW YEAR. Dates. | ULL soon our letters will bear the date 188(7)-8. . ‘Tis more pleasant to give than to get,” was once By a worthy philosopher said, Who never experienced the joy of the man Who at Christmas comes out ahead. ° Now, as the dainty cover of our Calendar we tear off, Most of our wicked ways it behooveth us to swear off ; But one or two wild, vicious sins we must not yet repent, For if we do, what will be left to give up during Lent? * Farewell to thee, old °87, We'll see thee later—when we get to Heaven— You've been a friendly sort of Annus, And we're rather sorry to see thee knocked out by Janus. . te . HEY call the connubial tie a bow-knot in Chicago, be- cause it pulls out so easily. HE Rev. W. F. Taylor, of New Jersey, while crossing the ferry a few days ago, saw a schooner scudding by under bare poles. The reverend gentleman was so shocked at this indecent exhibition that he fell to the ground senseless. It was while in this condition that he made his historical remark on the pleasure he derived from looking at Lire’s cover. . . . HERE is quite a flutter of excitement in Massachusetts over the arrival of leap year. The surplus will proceed to take care of itself in the Commonwealth during 1888. * * . HE latest specimen of newspaper enterprise was given by an evening contemporary, which reported “The Humorous Incidents at Mrs, ——'s Funeral.” We shall look carefully for an account of the “ Ludicrous Aspect of a Recent Holocaust,” or some such paragraph as “the pall- bearers placed the casket before the chancel [laughter] and the burial service was read by the Rev. Dr. Sniffles, at the conclusion of which the most uproarious hilarity prevailed.” NEW YEAR'S PUZZLE, HE trouble with the large ma- jority of our Tariff legislators seems to be that they are tinkers rather than thinkers. HE deeper our acquaintance with French history, the more firmly are we convinced that the Gaul is a most unreliable individual. As a case in point, when the kings of France died, the populace would cry, “Le Roi est mort!” when everybody knew that the Roi was no more. + . . HE Mail and Express, alluding to a speech of Mr. Evarts’s, remarked that it awaked enthusiasm in the Republican ranks. This may be regarded as a tacit acknowledgment that en- thusiasm has been asleep in the Republican ranks for some time. It was a pity to disturb his rest. . . . S we go to press, there is considerable anxiety in the city as to the result of the Kilrain-Smith fight. The suspense at 2.32 this afternoon is maddening. We can but express the hope that by the time LiFe appears the papers will have made some mention of this event, so as to relieve the overwrought condition of the public mind. Fixp AxtHoxy Cosstock. ORRESPOND- ENT: The name is pronounced Com-stark, but he hasn't arrested him- self yet on that ac- count. OULD it not be a good thing if our New York papers swore off Nina Van Zandt-Spies and the deceased Anarchists at this gay and festive season? The public's thirst for the gory details of these individuals’ careers has been largely quenched. . . . CORRESPONDENT suggests that Mr. Comstock arrested Mr. Knoedler because he was informed that the picture-dealer pronounced his name Nude-ler. . . . W. E are not an authority on the proper care of children, * but we have no hesitation in saying to anxious enquirer that a solution of arsenic and prussic-acid will stop a baby’s crying. . . \ KJ E have it as reliable authority that Comstock always goes into another room to change his mind. . . . INCE the organization of the Lth Congress the citizens of the District of Columbia are convinced that Wash- ington is the Natural Gas Centre of the Universe. comicbooks.com