Life — December 22, 1887 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE HEMLOCK’S LAMENT. HE Hemlock tree in the forest afar Doth tremble to see the Eastern star ; He knows that the season of peace and good-will For him bringeth naught but that which is ill. It makes him feel sad to think that his death Brings gladness and mirth, ** but, really,” he saith, ** When I think of the canine made into mince-pie, The cotton plush sealskin—oh, mis‘rable lie !— The candies all painted, which ne'er, I opine, Saw aught of the pure southern cane saccharine, And many things else in all parts of the nation, All more or'less made up of base imitation, I rejoice that I go to the feast as I am, And for my hard fate,I care not a dam.— is dam, by the way, is by no means profane ; ‘To use such expressions were ever most vain. The kind I've employed is that known to the thinker As the harmless old dam that belongs to the tinker.” Tin Horn: Hev.o, Drum, I Hear THAT YOU'VE BEEN REATEN ? Drum: Ou, YoU KE LOWED! HE difference between Jay Gould and the milkman is that while they both water their stock, the milkman always milks his first. CCORDING to London 7ruth, the Queen has written privately to the Emperor William, strongly urging that an arrangement should at once be made to afford a liberal provision for the Crown Princess and her younger children in the event of the death of the Emperor and Crown Prince, as, if they died now, she would be left in very moderate circumstances. It is sincerely to be hoped that the Emperor will accede to Her Majesty’s suggestion. It would be tough if the Princess Royal were to be thrown on the tender mercies of her cold, cold maternal ancestor. HE World still circulates. It turns and turns, and yet again returns. , . . . WM R. RIDER HAGGARD writes to the London Athe- na@um requesting it to announce that he will not visit America this year. Good! We shall have time to get our coast defences in order. . * . A POSSIBLE use for the surplus might be to buy Ireland from England, give her home rule, and turn her loose again. It would eliminate the green from American politics —a consummation devoutly to be wished, and easily worth the “balance on hand.” . * . HE presence of Messrs. Blaine, Gould and Sullivan in Europe at this time is said to have caused great appre- hension in the breast of the King of Bulgaria. With Blaine for King, Gould for a Budget, and Sullivan for a standing army, the Bulgarian future would be surpassingly brilliant, and Ferdinand does well to tremble for his throne. EV. MR. BERRY declines the call extended him by the late Mr. Beecher's congregation. Now let us see if Plymouth Church cannot scare up a modicum of intellect in this country. If the average English clergyman is anything like E. Walpole Warren, the sooner a prohibitory tariff is placed on such raw materials, the better. HE term “ hypercritical,” as applied to art critics, must not be confounded with hypocritical as referring to the art censors of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Vice. . . . ANTA CLAUS states that the modern chimney soots him just as well as the old-time kiln that used to lead down to the great open fireplaces where our ancestors cooked their steers whole. . . . T is interesting to read in the papers that the Aqueduct commissioners are receiving bids for a new dam for Sodom. We shall watch carefully to see if Gomorrah is equally well looked after. . * . . W = trust that the latest statement that the Crowh Prince may recover is based on reason. We greatly fear, however, that the case is hopeless. If the Prince will not submit to a general amputation of the doctors he must succumb. comicbooks.com