Life — December 22, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LEE. - MASCULINE Q@ORALITY. a certain large family, a tax has been established on bad words, and not unnecessarily, as this recent conversation therein demun- strates: Tommy (aged five, exclaiming while trying to tie his woolly dog's head on): O Lordy! Jimmy (aged fen): Now, why do you do that, Tommy ? you know it costs you money? You'll have to:pay for it. Tommy (with a complacent sense of manly honor); Well, d-n it, don’t I always pay ? They think they will have to try another plan for the purification of the family vocabulary.— Harper's Bazar. Don't CHICAGO WINS, Omana Boy : That isn't the only house we've got! others. Cittcaco Boy: Pooh ! live in. “Well, we've got two horses, too.” “We've got three, so there now !"" ‘«T've got eight sisters. What do you think of that ?” “Well, I ain't got so many sisters; but I've got five papav."—Ex. “Do you believe in luck, my good man ?” asked a superstitious old lady of a tramp. We've got two We've got six houses besides the one we 367 “1 can't say that Ido, mum,” replied the tramp, ‘because I have never had any."——/udge. AFTER contemplating the fine growth of whisker on the face of Marie §. Carnot, we cannot understand why the proprietor of the bearded-lady show should have neglected to secure Marie, even if it had to be done at enormous expense.—F x. Hote Warter : You are late for lunch, sir. Euxext Puysictax: Yes, I had to finish my magazine article on“ The Laws of Health,” so as to get it into the next mail, What have you to-day ? « fot rolls, clams, plum-pudding, apple dumplings, mince-pie and fruit cake.” * Bring ‘em all."-—-Omaha World. Miss Prime: Philosophers disagree as to which period of life seems the longest to mankind. What is your opinion, doctor ? Doctox (meditatively): Well, it varies. In women, for instance, the longest generally is between twenty-nine and thirty. I know my wife's case ten years elapsed between her twenty-ninth and thirtieth birthday.—/udge. “Josern,” said the merchant to the bright young man with the best of references, ‘the bookkeeper tells me you have lost the key of the safe, and he cannot get at his books.” “Yes, sir, one of them; you gave me two, you remember.” “Ves, [had duplicates made, in case of accident. And the other one?” “Oh, sit, I took good care of that. of them, you know,” “And is the other all right ?” “Ves, sir, I put it where there was no danger of its being lost. is in the safe, sir."—Boston Transcript. I was afraid I might lose one It its natural end is in should never be neglected, becaus BALDNESS. | L L > 4 a 2 < a The chief requirement of the hair is clean- liness—thorough shampooing for women once a fortnight, and for men once a week. The best agent for the purpose is PACKER’S TAR SOAP. GEO. MATHER’S SONS RINTING 60 JOHN STREET, N. Y. THIS PAPER IS PRINTED WITH OUR SPECIAL ° LIFE - INK. BONBONS AND Z/ CHOCOLATES. Novelties in Fancy Baskets and Bon- bonnieres, suitable for presents. 863 Broadway, bet. 17th and 18th Sts., 150 Broadway, cor. Liberty St. y yORK CELEBRATED HATS ano LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 2ad & 23d Sts.. and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., naw vor, | Palmer House, Chicago, LADIES’ SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT TO LADIES. TAILOR. N order to keep my skilled work- ing people fully employed, I re- | mew the offer which has been so popular during the past five years, ora Chestout St., Phi | 294 make especial inducements at | reduced prices from date to Feb- | ruary 15th next. INK 19 East 24st Street, | Second door East of Broadway, NEW YORK. THE HIGHEST GRADE CHAMPAGNE IN THE WORLD “CARTE BLANCHE, A Magnificent Rich Wine. “GRAND VIN SEC,” Perfection of a Dry Wine. ACKNOWLEDGED BY CONNOISSEURS TO BE THE FINEST CHAMPAGNE IMPORTED INTO THE UNITED STATES. Boston Laby : Professor, tell me candidly, what is the most beautiful thing you ever saw ? EMINENT Biovocist : A cross section of a rat's tail, madam.—Burlington Free Press, | NeTves, FOR SALE AT THE VARIOUS CLUBS, HOTELS AND RESTAURANTS. CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 36 West ast Steer, New ‘ORK. For Sate py Drvocists, on Matt, $1.00. comicbooks.com