Life — December 15, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: i §e6G0RS AT WL THE, occasional contributor dropped into the sanctum wearily. Seated at the desk was a beetle-browed tramp printer. Are you the mule editor?” softly inquired the visiting con- tributor. Nay," answered the apparition, poising a proof-slip in his deli cately discolored digits. ‘1 am the calf editor; do you wish to be edited ?"— Washington Hatchet. “ Now, isn't that a burning shame?” said Mrs, Seldom, as she pushed her spectacles up on her forehead, and laid down the morning paper. “What's that, ma?" said her youngest son. “Why, Emperor William gave an audience to Prince William yesterday.” Think of that, my son—a whole audience given away like So many cattle, It's awful !"—Chicago. News. FATHER (frying fo read the paper): What was that awful racket in the hall just’now ? MOTHER : One of the children fell down the stairs, FATHER (frasctbly) ; Well, you tell those children that if they can- not fall down stairs quietly they won't be allowed to fall down them at all.—Sun, ““Can'T you say something pleasant to me?” said a husband to his wife as he was about to start for his office, They had had a little quarrel, and he was willing to ** make it up.” 353 “Ah, John,” responded the penitent lady, throwing her arms around his neck, ‘forgive my foolishness, We were both in the wrong. And don't forget the baby's shoes, dear, and the ton of coal, and we are out of potatoes; and John, love, you must leave me some money for the gas man."—New York Sun. CASULEY (om Ais bridal tour): You've no idea, darling, of the quick-wittedness of some of our lower classes. I'll speak to that bargeman, and you see if his reply isn’t pat. Hi, there! Where ‘re you bound ?” CANAL-BOAT CAPTAIN: To Sheol, you camel-backed dude! Go back to your cage, you long-nosed, lop-eared galoot! Yah !—/udge. Tue late Major Mordecai, of North Carolina, met the Czar of Russia once, and in the course of the conversation, which was carried on in French, addressed him as “Monsieur.” Turning to General McClellan, the Major said: '* D—n the fellow, I called him mister.” The Czar, with a smile, remarked : ‘Let us talk English, we can get along better.” The North Carolinian didn’t cuss the Czar any more during that interview. : A MAN, being requested by a friend to buy him some books, forzot all about ‘the matter till he accidentally met him—then, in his con- fusion, he endeavored to ‘set matters straight” by nonchalantly remarking : * By the way, I never got the letter you wrote about those books.” ‘A SoMeRsET business man not long since had occasion to write to a gentleman who evidently had few correspondents, The envelope had the usual ‘ Return in ten days to Mr. —, Somerset, Ky. it, In about ten days the letter came back to him, accompanied by a scrawling note, the writer saying that he had returned the letter according to the request on the envelope, though he didn’t see why he was so all-fired particular about having it sent back."—Somerset iis ages Some Prefer OneColor, Some Another; MArcHes any Coron. LADIES’ | 17 Temple Place, Boston, and Cor. Fifth Ave. and West 4USe NY| | /CELEBRATED HATS ROUND HATS. | 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet, 22d & 23d Sts. and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., wEW vorK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. (Ky.) Republican, LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, NEW YORK, 19 East 2/st St., ad door East of Broadway 3 A LONDON, J JAMES PILE & 00. BONBONS AND / CHOCOLATES. Novelties in Fancy Baskets bonnieres, 863 Broadway, be: GEO. MATHER’S SONS RINTING INK 60 JOHN STREET, N. Y. | 288-290 Regent St. NEWPORT, 176 Bellevue Ave. THIS PAPER IS PRINTED WITH | OUR SPECIAL - LIFE + INK. | THE HIGHEST GRADE CHAMPAGNE IN THE WORLD 150 Broadway, cor. Liberty St., NEW YORK, “CARTE BLANCHE,” “GRAND VIN SEC,” A Magnificent Rich Wine. Perfection of a Dry Wine. ACKNOWLEDGED BY CONNOISSEURS TO BE THE FINEST CHAMPAGNE IMPORTED INTO THE UNITED STATES. FOR SALE AT THE VARIOUS CLUBS, HOTELS AND RESTAURANTS. _ y PRETTY GIRLS. 86 PHOTOS CABIN TIGHTS. 25 € STAR NOVELTY C + Brooklyn, N.Y. | nerves, P' CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out 36 West ast Stxeet, Naw Yorx. romotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. For Sate py Drvcarsts, or Matt, $1.00. comicbooks.com