Life, 1887-11-24 · page 12 of 20
Life — November 24, 1887 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis: Life Magazine Page 294 This page contains three satirical pieces: **"A Stroke of Business"** (top cartoon): A social commentary on marriage prospects. A man remarks on a woman's slenderness, implying she's a desirable match. Her reply—that her mother was similarly thin—suggests he should consider the genetic/hereditary implications before pursuing marriage. The satire targets superficial courtship among the wealthy. **"The Heathen's Lament"** (main poem): Satirizes Christian missionary work and ecclesiastical bureaucracy. A Hindu elder asks a sensible theological question: if someone dies unbaptized but later repents, wouldn't God forgive them? The missionary agrees—but a church Board punishes him for this compassionate interpretation, insisting all forgiveness be "countersigned by Secretary Alden of the Board." The satire mocks rigid institutional religion that prioritizes bureaucratic control over Christian mercy. **"A Good Bargain"** (dialogue): A quick joke about a Jewish merchant (indicated by dialect spelling) selling a defective smoking chair, then claiming the springs are the quality item—a play on deceptive sales tactics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A STROKE OF BUSINESS. He (desirable catch); HOW SLENDER Miss WiLLouGHBY Is! She: YES, AND THEY SAY HER MOTHER WAS JUST LIKE HER oncE. THE HEATHEN'S LAMENT. H, my heart is sadly grieving over news received to-day— It came by ocean cable to the shores of old Cathay ; Ata far-off mission-meeting, with most Christian wisdom crammed, It's been settled that our fathers are irrevocably damned. To the Christian New Jerusalem, with radiant streets of gold, There's no entrance for the heathen without Jesus, we are told ; And though our fathers never heard of any such a man, Tha not change the working of the everlasting plan, Now, we're not so very captious, only ignorant and weak ; We would gladly be converted, we are teachable and meek ; But, because a man’s a Hindoo, it don’t follow as a rule, He must therefore be considered an unmitigated fool. So, when a Missionary of the Gospel came to tell If we didn't come to Jesus we must surely go to Hell, Old Rabjarkee rose and asked him, if a man had died in sin, Never hearing of the Saviour, so’s to get a passport in, And then, if somewhat later, without favor of the Board, He somehow got a tardy introduction to the Lord ; If he then with joy accepted Him, and for his sins repented, Might his future not be brighter than the Board had represented ? The preacher felt at once the point that pierced his dark-skinned brother ; His heathen soul was troubled—he was thinking of his mother So he told him how the prodigal was welcomed at the door, Without the slightest question why he hadn't come before. SHE WEIGHS TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY NOW, And the poor old man was comforted, the tears stood in his eyes ; He grasped the Missionary’s hand and said in glad surprise, “1 believe in God, the Father, ever willing to forgive ; I will henceforth love and worship Him so long as I may live.” But it seems that Missionary made a terrible mistake, And is no more counted worthy the bread of life to break ; So the Board has called him back, and forbidden him to preach E’en the possible forgiveness that he thinks the Gospels teach. So our hearts are sadly grieving o'er the news received to-day— The news that came by cable to the shores of old Cathay, That hereafter, to be valid, every pardon of the Lord Must be countersigned by Secretary Alden of the Board. And we weep, for our dilemma is as bad as bad can be; But—if Heaven is only open to the Scribe and Pharisee— Since the company’s so much better, though the climate's not so well, With our fathers and our mothers, we had rather goto Hell! £ A GOOD BARGAIN. AGLEY:: See here, Abrahams, the smoking-chair you sold me a week ago is ruined. The seat is all punched through. ABRAHAMS: Goot, mein frient! I told you those schplen- did springs vould outlast de chair. comicbooks.com