Life — November 17, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘ NM fe SPR) AT NVLLv NOTHING TO DIE FOR. SC\VHY did Methuselah live goo, years?” Because, my boy, there was no good reason why he should die. There was nothing to make him tired of life. There were no dudes, no politics, no Anarchists, no railroads, no schools, no books, no newspapers, no elections, no baseball clubs, ‘no picnics—why should Methuselah want to die and go to heaven? What was the matter with the earth? A man wouldn't want to live 900 years now, if he could, unless he was a fool, and then nobody else would want him to live go days.—Kodert Burdette, in Buffalo Express. TO GOOD To Come OUT. SEVERAL papers are praising the conduct of Mr. James D, Fish in the penitentiary. This shows the great value of prohibitory laws. See how easy it is for a man to be good in the penitentiary, when for the very life of him he can't behave himself in good society.—Robert Burdette, in Buffalo Express, SPEAKS, BUT NEVER PASSES BY. “SINGULAR, isn't it, what queer superstitions some people have ? Now, there's Johnson; he says he never can bear to pass an open door.” “Yes, I know it, I saw him dive into five saloons while going a quarter of a mile yesterday morning. That's a very common super- stition."—Robert Burdette, in Buffalo Express, 281 EASILY ARRANGED, * Haves'r named your new boy yet, Ben ?” Well, no, not yet. You see, there's a dead-lock in the house. Wife wants him named Alice, for her mother, and I want to call him Benjamin, for his father.” “Why don't you compromise, then ?” “How?” * Name him Ben-Hur."—Robert Burdette, in Buffalo Express, “Way should we hang the Anarchists?" asks a very young man. Well, my son, about as good a reason as I can think of, is bec they declared that they set out to make war upon the millionaires, began by killing some policemen. And any man who can't tell a millionaire from a policeman doesn't know enough to keep himself alive very long. Even if we didn't hang him, the fool-killer would meet him some day and recognize him on sight. On general prin- ciples, I am opposed to killing men in any way—with bomb, pistol, or cord—but when a fool sets out to commit suicide, it's hard to stop him.—Robert Burdette, in Buffalo Express. AN OLD CHILD. “Sin,” said the prisoner, ‘I did not pay this man for my refresh- ments because I know nothing of the value of money, Iam a child of genius.” "And what is your age ?” asked the justice. “ Forty-two years," “Then it is time you were weaned,” and his Honor gave him thirty days away from the bottle.—Robemt Burdette, in Buffalo Ex- press. Op Lapy: I'm sorry to hear a little boy use such shocking lan- age. Do you know what becomes of little boys who swear ? RCHIN: Yes'm. Dey gits ter be hoss car drivers.— Zid Bits, Za refer OneColor, Some Another, OOS ESTABLISHME . MATCHES Any Colom, 17 Temple Place, Boston, and Cor. Fifth Ave. and West 14US¢ NY’ Ewa CELEBRATED HATS ano LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK, Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. IFRAKAVER, LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, NEW YORK, 19 East 2/st St., ad door East of Broadway Lundbords Perfume EDENIA. Lundbor’s Rhenish Cologne. , eople of refined taste de- ing specially fine should use our Satin, Four in Hand, Athletic and Cupid. straight Cut, Hand Made, from the best Virginia and REGA NEWPORT, 176 Bellevue Ave. TTA THE BEST VALUE. SILKS FOR SALE BY LEADING HOUSES. CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 36 West agra Sraast, Naw Youx, For Sas sv Davcaists, on Mam, $1.00. comicbooks.com